Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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THE EASTERN ER SHORTY GOES IN of alla basketball games that Le ed my lamps on, th’ one Emor Bmerson wins th’ ball. Jmerson, she has a swell team; five fellers that misses th’ basket as offen as France pays int’rest on her war debt, an’ ten subs nearly as good. Ont’ other hand, Emory has four dandy players, an’ as much chanet of developin’ a fifth as a snowball in a blast furnace. We has subs, of Course, but they’s rank. Lanky, th’ captain of th’ team, gets Shorty, his pal, which is short, stocky, and stoopid, to try fo’ th’ team. Honest, he was a good football player, but he was go dumb he thought Sandy Hook was a Scotchman, I gives th’ bozo a try-out an’ when he starts playin’ he knocks out three of my team cold when they tries to get th’ ball, I gets peeved an’ consigns him to th’ bench for th’ season. Th’ next day I-waltzes up to see my team’s marks, an’ when I sees I has only four regu- lars, a sub, an’ Shorty left, I goes down for th’ count. Th’ rest has flunked. We loses alla games on our schedule—an’ after lec. turin’ my guys, too! I let’s ’em start on Emerson. Th’ quarter ends 8-2, an’ th’ half winds up 15-10 in their favor. I razes my team, an’ then watches th’ third quarter, which ends 20-20, Th’ last quarter starts an’ is half over when my sub sprains his ankle! I has to put Shorty in, an’ I informs him if he wants to enjoy a long life, to use his brains. On th’ first play Shorty is called for rushin’, an’ Emerson gets a point. Then Shorty let his man get two more points. Lanky gets a basket, an’ for a while th’ score at 23-22 against us. Finally, Shorty gets th’ ball, and he snaps it back between his legs like he uster do in football! Th’ ball rises, hits th’ backboard, an’ I hopes to kiss a pig if she don’t begin rollin’ around th’ rim of th’ basket! She slows down, an’ stops, an’ wabbles, an’ then drops—in! I keels over, but as I keels I hears th’ whistle blow, endin’ th’ game. We has won 24 to 23. Basketball? Yeah! Hersert E. ANGEL, 725. ‘Ver park- mory played with hand-painted Paper foot- 19 THE SHMOcKs’ The snow Forest (Ra Lae et the smiling face of Geal ea ae (Eastern Branch) was coy- oaee ae im sheet of ice. Christmas had ee gi ul as it was Supposed to, The Uarious little flock of Yip-Yips longed to 80 once more from their haunts and enjoy oo of the Yuletide. Then one day Sappeared from school and went again ant the wide, wide world to canse anxiety to their parents and to work in the Post Ofice. wie Shmocks assembled and called the roll. Grandpa”’ Shmock (MeInerney) returned from Notre Dame to tend his flock. “Big” Shmock (Otto) was again present to play- fully poke ‘Little’? Shmock (Paul) with a leaded mail sack. He, in turn, would toss “Baby” Shmock (Bondy) down the mail chute into the arms of the wee-wiffleshmocks (“Card,’” Hisle, Kessler, and White). Never in all the world had such a crew as- Sembled. They were busily engaged in throw- ing packages at each other or playing funeral by burying “Baby’’ under a pile of mail sacks. When dinner time came “Big”? and “Little” had a race to the nearest sauerkraut house. ‘‘ Grandpa”’ and the wee-wiffleshmocks ate doughnuts and were happy. ‘‘Baby’’ had to be tended carefully; so his meal consisted of a jardiniere full of chop suey. Soon they returned to work and labored untiringly till dusk, when they all climbed aboard the ele- vator and rode up and down to their hearts’ content. In this way they spent many happy days before Santa Claus went back up porth to his iee palace. Before they disbanded, they had a great celebration. ‘‘Big’’ was presented with a hugh bowl of sauerkraut amid cheers from the rest of the Shmocks. A dance followed and all sang in glee. ‘‘Lit- tle’’ became too noisy, so he was thrown into a mail sack and hung in a corner. They will never forget their Christmas nor will the P. O. officials or the people whose packages they threw at each other. After all had tired of playing and dancing, the merry little band bid each other farewell and returned to school, for they loved school. Arraur Bonpurant, ’24. SECOND CHRISTMAS had begun to fall over the Green ndal] Highlands) and the Green S (the swamps) ;

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BOYS’ ATHLETICS A survey of Eastern’s performance in the football season of 1923 would show that while Eastern defeated Western, she lost to Central, Business, and Technical. Let the annals of football history report, however, that Eastern fought well and lost well. At the conelusion of the season, the fol- lowing Eastern men were given an ‘‘B’’: Newman, Hook, Doerr, Smith, Madigan, Trunnel, Edwards, Roudabush, and Eaton. Those who had not played in so many quar- ters were given the numerals. They were: T. Howard, V. Howard, King, Sutton, Wal- ter, Shere, George, Lehnert, Gerardi, Greg- ory, White, Hild, and Butler. Julian Pres- cott was given a manager’s white “HE.” The inter-high basketball games nearly under way. At this game, Eastern is going to put forth her best in her efforts to retain the championship. The team is un- der the captaincy of Bruce Kessler. Since he is a last year’s man, and an expert guard, he will be a great aid to the team.. There are three other veterans with the team—Hook, Smith, and Roudabush. Eastern lost two of her last year’s excellent players, Captain Cardwell and Joseph O’Dea, by graduation. A large number of boys came out at the first call for candidates. The squad now numbers about twenty, thus providing a large number of substitutes. This year the team is under the management of Arthur Bondurant. The schedule for basketball is as follows: January 8—Hastern ys. Technical. January 15—Hastern vs. Business. January 19—Hastern ys. Western. January 22—Fastern vs. Central. January 26—Eastern ys. Technical. February 2—Eastern ys. Business. February 5—Eastern vs. Western. February 9—Eastern vs. Central. are Gaia GIRLS’ ATHLETICS Several innovations have been made in the basketball organization this year. | The one which is most important and which affects the girls most generally is the “training table.’’ This, as most of us know, is a promi- nent feature in college athletics. All the girls participating in basketball have lunch at ple and are somewhat restricted in their food. No pastry, candy, or frosted cake is allowed. It is suggested that the girls en- deavor to control their consumption of sweet and starchy foods at home, also, in order to keep themselves as physically fit as possible. The ban on the foods mentioned above, how- ever, is lifted over week-ends. Another feature of interest is the new method of organization. Instead of having only the manager and her two assistants re- sponsible for practice and for the various series of games which are played, there will be an executive committee of five. This com- mittee w ill comprise the manager, two assist- ant managers, and two referees, all of whom will be chosen from the student body. At this time it seems appropriate to state the exact requirements for the athletic ‘‘E.’’ Of course, physical ability, as shown by the participation in a certain number of the in- ter-class games, is the primary requisite. But after the candidate has successfully exhibited her skill in this line, her name is presented to the faculty for their approval. This approval is granted to those who have passing marks in all their subjects and whose conduct is al- ways satisfactory. In this way the ‘‘B”’ is an award for physical, moral, and mental achievement. this ta Coach: ‘‘What’s your idea of clean sports?”’ Rookie: ‘‘Swimming.’’—Ez.

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THE BASTEENER 20 THE SLOWER THEY ARE, THE SURER THEY FALL There is a singular rumor being circulated around school concerning the all-around Fasternite hero, popularly known as ‘“Roudie.’”? Certain of his classmates state that he recently dated a homework paper 1916, wrote his French lessons in Spanish, and made other inexplicable errors. After a careful consideration of circumstances and a solemn conference together, those honored Easternites who are best fitted to judge such weighty matters finally came to the reluctant conclusion that our sturdy athletic hero, our reliable, unfailing student, and above all, our indifferent, unsusceptible anti- lady’s man must be—in love. Oh, that Roudie should have come to this! Margaret Beasley was once heard to re- mark that her books are full of letters be- cause the mail man arrives just as she leaves for school. When someone asked her whether she always receives a letter, she replied, “No, indeed, sometimes I get two.” We have all heard of ‘‘Billy’s’’ dramatic ability, his cadet ability, his speed-demon spirit, ete.; but there is one of his talents (?) which few of us know about—his astonishing aptitude in wiggling his ears, his pastime in French class. THE INEVITABLE RESULT Glee Club rehearsal—an abandoned school. Mr. Schwartz—empty pockets. Miss Bucknam in a noisy corridor—Peace. Sam Matthews—laughter. Burke—St. Elizabeth’s. Virgil—an early grave. Don’t judge a man’s importance by the number of keys his ring carries. ‘He may be a night watchman. English teacher (talking about objects of verbs): ‘‘Mary, what is your object?” Mary T. (absent-mindedly): “‘To get a husband.’’ - SCHOOL GOSSIP WANTED me company in the eone to keep Som e.—Miss Smith. JT am always alon ee cuse for getting out of class— office. A new ex “Buddy’”’ Walls. pe UL Dee Se A companion to roam the halls with— “Bondy.” pia Nat ee A good alarm elock.—‘‘Teddy’’ Saks, tes eee School to start at 10:30.—Kessler. Beg eS ok Two periods of physical training daily — Palmer. A self-locking locker.—Gill. If you are not acquainted with the Febru- ary Class of ’24, it is time for you to know them. ‘Meet the folks.”’ The class is not large, but their motto is “quality not quantity,’’ for many of them have made themselves famous in one way or the other. They have the highest cadet of- fieer At Bastern—Lt. Col. Clinton Hisle. Then, who will deny that Mortimer Daven- port will some day be another Walter Hamp- den! The most insignificant freshman knows the noted artist, Jack Burton, who is always thrilling our team heroes by putting their handsome faces in THE HEASTERNER. Ath- leties is also well represented in the class. Hats off to Captain Newman! Last, but not least, they have scholastic brilliance. Sam Matthews, the delight of his teachers, Fern Painter, our first-rate editor, and Mae 0’Con- nor, the Burke star, are a few of the shining lights of scholastic honor which make up their select numbers. Big Coach Guyon sat on the side-lines, Watching his boys play nigh; He saw Smith run and a basket won, And said, ‘‘ What a great coach am I!”’