Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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THE EASTERNER flor has no E Z time BS en on the D P he sails; It's R D finds aloft to climb, Exposed to I C Gales; And then, in K C makes a slip, Or if he D Z grows, A tumble from the I N ship Is his last N D knows, When overboard, for. A D cries, With energy and vim; And though of little U C tries A vain S A to swim. But when no L P finds is near, Nor N E way to save, He then, in an X S of fear, Must C K watery grave. old A jj sailor seldom knows, But if old A G gains, H U of baccy cures his woes, And grog L A’s his pains. We N V no poor sailor’s life— In D D has no fun; And, feeling P T for his wife, Our M T talk is done. —Thistle. Mrs. Newlywed—Give me two pounds of coffee in the bean, please.” The Grocer—‘“Two floors up, madam; this is the ground floor.” “Ah!” exclaimed the enraptured young thing, “the climax of his wooing was so romantic. He proposed to her on the verge of a mountain top.” “What did she do?” gasped the other. “Threw him over!” Sampson—‘Say, how did you get that watch back so quickly? The fellow that stole that must have been awfully dumb.” ie Oswald—“He was. The poor idiot took it to a pawnshop, where they rec- ognized it as mine at once.” A woodpecker sat on a Freshie’s head, And settled down to drill. He bored away for half a day, And finally broke his bill. 31 ee Love is like an Onion, a taste it with delight, when it's gone you wonder natever made you “bite.” — He— 5 tole oe you scream if I were She— Why, T hardly whan ve such a cold I can — Chaperone—“Was th: a at you who Just falled, an auctioneer? os ees Not that I know of. Why?” ‘aperone— He sonnded like one eet up that going bluff for half an Indigestion is the failure to make a square meal fit a round stomach. ; Her Father—‘Young man, the lights in this house are put out at 10 o'clock. Intrepid Junior—‘Very well, sir, don’t delay on my account.” Girl at Arcade—‘Sir, you gave me a queer look a minute ago.” Hardy—‘I don’t remember giving it to you, but you've sure got it.” Sam— “Julie, if you could look at my heart, vo:1 would see your name written there.” Julie—‘Yes, but I’m afraid it would !cok like a hotel register.” “What is a cegular man of mettle?” He is a man with a silver tongue, iron nerve, grip of steel, and a heart of gold.

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30 Clarence went out one evening, To call upon a Miss; And when he reached her residence, this. like stairs the mounts He Her father met him at the door; He did not see the Miss, Nor will be go there any more, For ay aured uMop OFT shy} —Thistle. He—‘“Please don’t call me Mr. Co- hen.” She (coyly)—“But our acquaintance has been so short. Why shouldn't 1?” He—‘“Because my name is McClos- ky.” English—“That'’s a pretty black eye of yours. How'd you get it?” Boteler—“Oh, I was taking a walk and was struck by the beauty of the night.” English—‘What did you try to do— flirt with her?” Be sociable, like the barber; he is al- ways scraping acquaintances. “Can you support a family?” The cautious father cried. “T only wanted Emily,” The suitor then replied. Judge (sternly)—“To what do you at- tribute your downfall?” Culprit—“The first drink I ever took was one you bought me when you were trying to get my vote.” THE EASTERNER Exchange Jokes Fond Memories “Why did you get up and give that lady your seat?” “Well, man, ever since I was a boy it scares me to see a woman with a strap in her hand.”—Lehigh Burr. “Corking building, isn’t it?” “Yep; bottling works.” — Harvard Lampoon. 19—“That rig looks as if it had been through the war.” 18—“Maybe it has. I heard Pat Lab- bie bragging about his military carriage the other day.”—Jack'O. Fill—“They say that Henry Ford's peace party get along together like turtle doves.” ‘ Bert—‘Yah, snappin’-turtle doves.’— Bax “Do you believe in armament?” “Sure, I even part my hair with mili- tary brushes.” “Saw a funny thing last night.” “Stab me.” “Called on the gang at the house but they were all out, and about 1 A. M. I met them on the street and they were all in.”—Jack’O. Luke—“If the French soldiers wore Paris garters they would never be shot.” Luther—“Advance, friend.” Luke—‘No metal can touch the skin.” (Give the calf more rope.) Er. Jigs—“Say, gink, why is Daniels like Pontius Pilate?” Jags—“Search me, kid. Shoot it.” Jigs—‘Pilate crucified the Jews, while Josephus jucified the crews.—Ex.

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82 THE EASTERNER Hock the Kaiser! “War's a gamble.” “Think so?” “Huh, huh; shell game.’ —Panther. He—“I want to tell you a joke about mistletoe.” She— “Be sure it isn’t over my head.” —lVidow. “Who educated Jonah?” “Proceed, fellow!” “The whale who brought him up.’ — Lampoon. The Humorist (composing )—“And the squirrel couldn’t crack the nut— what should he do? Throw it away?” “Gnaw ! —Tiger. Heard in the Drill Hall at Noon Witty onlooker (to McEIhannon, who is dancing) : “Two feet, there.” Mike’s partner (we forget her name) : “Yes, and both on one of mine, too.” Miss Stone—“Miss Boyd wants to know if anyone in this class has, “A Pair of Blue Eyes.” “Wow! wow! wow! wow!” wailed the baby. “Four bawls and I walk,” responded the ball-player daddy, in distress. English— You look blue and discour- aged this morning, old man.” Summers—‘“I’m not myself this morn- ing.” English—“Well, that’s nothing to feel so bad about.” First Student—‘Things must move slowly in Hades.” Second Student—“How do you make that out?” First Student—‘‘Because there even the River Styx.” Jokes “Oh, my!” she exclaimed impatiently, “We'll be sure to miss the first act. We've been waiting a good many min- utes for that mother of mine.” g “Hours, I should say,” he replied One she cried, joyfully. “Oh, George, do you really mean it? She Always Has It Little Lemuel: “Say, Paw, are all the words in the dictionary?” ‘ Paw: “No, I guess not, son. Every little while a new word comes into use.” Little Lemuel: “Then what was the very last word, Paw?” Paw: “I don’t know, son. ask your mother.” Go and “Hello! Is this the telephone com- pany? I'd like to have a telephone in- stalled in my house.” “Very well, madame, “Would you like a party line?” “No, I think not. We don’t expect to entertain very much this winter.” “What's worrying you?” “Father says he’s to cut my allowance down to a point where people won't say that I have more money than brains.” “Gee, you'll starve to death if he does that.” Mother was upstairs sewing. Daugh- ter was in the parlor at the piano. “Now what are you playing?” “Oh, just the latest dance music.” “You come up here and help me and you can learn the steps on the way up.” Miss Saks tripped lightly up to the music department and in her sweetest tones said to the clerk, “Have you Kissed Me in the Moonlight?” The clerk looked around then at her, and said, “It must have been the other clerk. I’ve only been here a week.” Teacher, sadly—“And where is the spirit of 76-now?” Student—“All drunk up,”