Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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30 Clarence went out one evening, To call upon a Miss; And when he reached her residence, this. like stairs the mounts He Her father met him at the door; He did not see the Miss, Nor will be go there any more, For ay aured uMop OFT shy} —Thistle. He—‘“Please don’t call me Mr. Co- hen.” She (coyly)—“But our acquaintance has been so short. Why shouldn't 1?” He—‘“Because my name is McClos- ky.” English—“That'’s a pretty black eye of yours. How'd you get it?” Boteler—“Oh, I was taking a walk and was struck by the beauty of the night.” English—‘What did you try to do— flirt with her?” Be sociable, like the barber; he is al- ways scraping acquaintances. “Can you support a family?” The cautious father cried. “T only wanted Emily,” The suitor then replied. Judge (sternly)—“To what do you at- tribute your downfall?” Culprit—“The first drink I ever took was one you bought me when you were trying to get my vote.” THE EASTERNER Exchange Jokes Fond Memories “Why did you get up and give that lady your seat?” “Well, man, ever since I was a boy it scares me to see a woman with a strap in her hand.”—Lehigh Burr. “Corking building, isn’t it?” “Yep; bottling works.” — Harvard Lampoon. 19—“That rig looks as if it had been through the war.” 18—“Maybe it has. I heard Pat Lab- bie bragging about his military carriage the other day.”—Jack'O. Fill—“They say that Henry Ford's peace party get along together like turtle doves.” ‘ Bert—‘Yah, snappin’-turtle doves.’— Bax “Do you believe in armament?” “Sure, I even part my hair with mili- tary brushes.” “Saw a funny thing last night.” “Stab me.” “Called on the gang at the house but they were all out, and about 1 A. M. I met them on the street and they were all in.”—Jack’O. Luke—“If the French soldiers wore Paris garters they would never be shot.” Luther—“Advance, friend.” Luke—‘No metal can touch the skin.” (Give the calf more rope.) Er. Jigs—“Say, gink, why is Daniels like Pontius Pilate?” Jags—“Search me, kid. Shoot it.” Jigs—‘Pilate crucified the Jews, while Josephus jucified the crews.—Ex.

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THE EASTERNER She “Do you know you're getting handsome?” He—‘“Yes, it’s a way I have when it gets anywhere near your birthday.” “Ves, I told father that white poker chip I dropped was a peppermint tablet.” “Did he swallow it?” “Do cigarettes hurt a boy’s brains?” “Oh, no! Boys with brains don’t smoke them.” He—“Tf I tried to kiss you would you call for help?” She—“Would you need it?” 29 A Bad Lot When charg, i deerdedvaata ie roe te: ae ed what he had to say Ate foe € prisoner gazed pensively he. ge, smoothed down a remnant Sty, and said: our honor, man’s man makes countless th ™ not as debased as Sw as Byron, as bauched as—— That will do!” thundered the magis- trate. “Ten days! And, officer, take a list of those names and run ’em in. They are as bad a lot as he is!” being drunk and inhumanity to ousands mourn. i vift, as profligate dissipated as Poe, as de- W illie—“Mamma, what's that stuck in Papa's throat 2” Mother—‘That’s Papa's ple.” Willi green?” , Mother—“Don't be grotesque, dear. Papa wears a brass collar button.” —Ex. Adam’s ap- “And did he swallow it “Bess” Lem Sez: “The basket ball team will win the championship just like we won the drill last year.”

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THE EASTERNER flor has no E Z time BS en on the D P he sails; It's R D finds aloft to climb, Exposed to I C Gales; And then, in K C makes a slip, Or if he D Z grows, A tumble from the I N ship Is his last N D knows, When overboard, for. A D cries, With energy and vim; And though of little U C tries A vain S A to swim. But when no L P finds is near, Nor N E way to save, He then, in an X S of fear, Must C K watery grave. old A jj sailor seldom knows, But if old A G gains, H U of baccy cures his woes, And grog L A’s his pains. We N V no poor sailor’s life— In D D has no fun; And, feeling P T for his wife, Our M T talk is done. —Thistle. Mrs. Newlywed—Give me two pounds of coffee in the bean, please.” The Grocer—‘“Two floors up, madam; this is the ground floor.” “Ah!” exclaimed the enraptured young thing, “the climax of his wooing was so romantic. He proposed to her on the verge of a mountain top.” “What did she do?” gasped the other. “Threw him over!” Sampson—‘Say, how did you get that watch back so quickly? The fellow that stole that must have been awfully dumb.” ie Oswald—“He was. The poor idiot took it to a pawnshop, where they rec- ognized it as mine at once.” A woodpecker sat on a Freshie’s head, And settled down to drill. He bored away for half a day, And finally broke his bill. 31 ee Love is like an Onion, a taste it with delight, when it's gone you wonder natever made you “bite.” — He— 5 tole oe you scream if I were She— Why, T hardly whan ve such a cold I can — Chaperone—“Was th: a at you who Just falled, an auctioneer? os ees Not that I know of. Why?” ‘aperone— He sonnded like one eet up that going bluff for half an Indigestion is the failure to make a square meal fit a round stomach. ; Her Father—‘Young man, the lights in this house are put out at 10 o'clock. Intrepid Junior—‘Very well, sir, don’t delay on my account.” Girl at Arcade—‘Sir, you gave me a queer look a minute ago.” Hardy—‘I don’t remember giving it to you, but you've sure got it.” Sam— “Julie, if you could look at my heart, vo:1 would see your name written there.” Julie—‘Yes, but I’m afraid it would !cok like a hotel register.” “What is a cegular man of mettle?” He is a man with a silver tongue, iron nerve, grip of steel, and a heart of gold.