Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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The Easterner 17 in their uniforms! Girls, no wonder you cannot resist their fascinations! But, stop! We underclassmen should sup- press all this levity in the presence of the mighty wits of the Senior Class. Where could we ever find the equal of Fischer, the universal jester and clown, or of any of his very competent assistants? And whence could come the like of the ttle Major,” whose jolly laughter is the veri- table soul of the upper class? Put tell us, mighty Seniors, why did you ex- clude our fair damsels from the late symposium? Was it because you were afraid that their radiant beauty might cast into the shade the charming of the Junior and Senior belles? Or, fair-Sen- joritas, was it from the fact that “Every lassie has her laddie; none, they say, have I’? Pray misinform us. And you, proud juniors, a please! Although you may excel in prowess and in feats of the field, please explain a few somewhat puzzling mat- ters to an ignorant Sophomore. Why the fantastic headgear, O captain of the grid- iron? Js it the distinguishing mark of your high and honorable position? And why, O noble right guide, must your hat- band expand in accordance with the rank of your position? And, Oh, Miss Agri- culturist, I do so admire the artistic ar- rangement of your golden tresses! But why, of all things, do you not reveal to others your marvellous secret, so that their hair, too, might rival that of Psyche herself ? And now, dear children, listen to a few bits of advice, which, if taken to heart, will go a great way toward teach- ing you to follow in the footsteps of your idolized Sophomores. Why cannot you moment learn that the place for waste paper is not on the floor of the cloak room? If we could secure for you a couple of nice nurses who would teach you where such things belong, do you think it would im- prove matters? Ilowever, the place for waste paper is in those rather large tin cylinder affairs , which can be found in the cloak room and near the side en- trance; and these, above all things, must not be upset. Most hefty heavyweight champion wrestler of Eastern High, you especially can well afford to take this to heart. And another thing, beloved Freshmen: It was not a very wise thing to do to put that yell in Tne Exsrerner. Take example from this first misde- meanor and “Don't crow before you have some cause for crowing.” But, come to think of it, what a great class we Sophomores are! Where was there ever the equal of our little full- back and winner of medals, of our sprightly left halfback, or of our little and willowy center? Was there ever be- fore seen, congregated in one class, such an assortment of men engaged in vari- ous professions as a Weaver, Taylor, Powdermaker, Smith, Cre(a)mer, etc.? What dancer, however great, could hope to equal Foster's exquisite performance of the Mexican “Salome,” and who could possibly cope with Ramsey as the future hope of the theatrical world? And now that you see for yourselves what a won- derful set of fellows we Sophomores really are, let us all unite in yelling: One and nine, one and two; That's the year when we'll get through; Rah! rah! rah! rah! rah! rah! rah! rah! Sophomores, Sophomores! DorLAN CREMER, 12. Reflections of a Junior Far be it from me to ridicule a Fresh- man, Sophomore, or Senior, so I will, with ungarnished facts, state their true condition, as compared with the Juniors. And the above three classes should not feel aggrieved at any odious comparison, for no one expects much of a Freshman, Sophomore or Senior, while the universe awaits, with breathless expectancy, the latest exploits of the Juniors. We Jun- iors, in our all-pervading wisdom, make allowance for the other three classes, and are gently but finnly sorry for them. When they so far forget themselves as

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16 ings as a debating society, a literary so- ciety or a congress. But that no boy may be barred who desires to become a member, applications will be received and acted upon at every meeting. The Philologians On Noyember 22, 1909, an “American Girl Program’ was held by the members of the Philologian Club. The names of many American girls in fiction were given in answer to the roll call. Miss Jarboe then gave us a very fine descrip- tion of the place which the American girl occupies in fiction, and also charac- fer sketches of some of the most promi- nent. A very interesting talk on the ath- letics of the American girl was given by Miss Hauke. An informal debate on the question, Resolved, “That the American girl is too independent,” was held, and the sy mpathies of the society seemed to be with the negative. After some time Was spent in arguing the pros and cons of the subject, the decision was given to the negative by a rising yote. Both Miss Evans, the leader on the affirmative, and Miss Strudley, the leader for the nega- tive. deserve credit for their good work. After a most interesting talk on “The American Girl at Home and Abroad” by The Easterner Miss Newman, the meeting was ad- journed. i Miss Evans, the secretary of the Philo- logian Club, gave a Thanksgiving party in its honor on Friday, November 26, 1909, at her home. Games were played and the Epsilon Phi Sigma song, com- posed by Miss Moyer, was sung. Every one had a most enjoyable time and thanks are due Miss Evans for the same, The movement for an Alumni Asso- ciation seems to be prospering. Letters have been received from many of the old members signifying their approval of the plan. This quotation from a letter writ- ten to the society by Miss Douglass, one of our ex-presidents, voices the feelings of the majority of the graduates: “I am so glad to feel that the Philologians wish to recognize their old members as still belonging to them in a way and let me assure you that nothing would give me greater pleasure than to become identi- fied with them. I am sure most of the old members would be glad to keep in touch with the society and would be glad to be recognized as a part of it. Owing to the difficulty of communicating with all the alumni, no plan has as yet been arranged for the meetings, but we hope that soon everything will be in good working order, and the Alumni Associa- tion to the Eastern Philologian Club an established fact.” : Wisdom of a Sophomore Say, fellows! Did you ever happen to notice that, although Eastern is the best kind of a school, taken as a whole, the several classes, considered by them- selves, are the worst ever? Now don't think for a minute that I include in this somewhat general statement al the classes. If the high and altogether mag- nificent Seniors would but stoop to look upon the deeds of this class, if the su- perior-minded Juniors would only consider it worthy of notice, and if the cute little Kindergarteners would stop playing marbles for a moment and cast i their eyes upward toward the SOPHO- MOR this altogether deplorable con- dition would speedily be remedied. And now, O Seniors, list to an abso- lutely unprejudiced appraisal of you and your deeds! Your faults are many, be- loved elders, but nevertheless all is for- gotten when we recall the glory and blinding radiance of a few ef your mem- bers. What wonderful dignity of car- riage and correctness of attire attend the presence of your most noble, thea- trical, and operatic president! How cute and dainty do the little officers appear

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The Easterner 18 to come to scool, we willingly pee them with any liandy chastiser, be 1 brick, umbrella, or merely ace if the kk belongs to someone else. ee ie Freshman. The Freshman, having just passed the early stage of childhood, is a pitiful embodiment of awkward inexperience. When addressed he starts, and having no excuse for liv- ing, looks as if he had been caught steal- ing sheep. The Freshman is at his best when either asleep or dead. Long live Morpheus! It has lately been rumored that the school board, seeing the need of nursemaids for the Freshman classes in the Washington High Schools, have taken steps to provide for the same. But I will pass over such a painful subject with the appropriate quotation: “Which I wish to remark, And my language is plain, That for ways that are dark And for tricks that are vain, The Eastern Fresh is peculiar, Which the same I have tried to ex- plain.” Next comes the Sophomore, gruesome thought. The efforts of the most cele- brated scientists have, as yet, been un- successful in discovering a remedy for the Sophomore disease, technically known as “Magnum Caput.” The aver- age Soph is a bone-headed individual whose chief ambition is “G” in English, and offensive ejaculations in foreign languages. He talks Latin in a way that would have made Cicero leave home. Having acquired a green necktie and a copy of “Angry Alfred, the Afghan Avenger, or another Autopsy over Algy’s Anatomy,” he aspires to nothing more harmful than turning the teachers’ hair white, and spoiling the Egyptians’ for- mer neighbors, the Ethiopians. In his own estimation he is fully competent to write a scientific treatise, indexed and beautifully illustrated on “Psychological Instincts of the Dinosaurus,” while in reality he is eligible only for membership in the Honorable Order of Independent I-Am-Its. The Sophomores are the backbone of the school, which accounts for Eastern’s recent case of spinal men- ingitis. [However, T will leave the Soph omore with this well known verse: Company F's drill was slowly ending In the Drill Hall, far below Filling with esctatic joy, | Heart and mind of private— For he excelled in the manual ; Did his work, and did it well. 3ut to our amaze and horror, His sky-piece had begun to swell, Large and larger grew his coco, Till we murmured, all affright, Gazing at the new found marvel; “Sophomore’s head will burst to- night.” Third. I will consider the Senior. This is the saddest case of all, for here we see the result of lost opportunities, the might- have-beens, who have reached their dotage. They wander aimlessly up and down the halls of Eastern, talking to themselves and playing childish jokes on one another. The only way a Senior can make an impression is by stepping on a piece of chewing gum, or a I’reshman’s head. But this subject brings tears to my eyes, and I deplore the lack of old folks retreats. That their jokes are harmless is shown below. “How queer to their minds are the pranks of their young days, When sad reminiscence presents them to view; The studies, the hard work, the deep- tangled book phrase, And other strange fancies their in- fancies knew. The much beloved Latin, with a kind teacher near them; No bridge and no dances, a sad thing to tell, If they flunked in a study, an instructor to queer them; And een their cruel parents, their spirits would quell. The oaken headed Seniors, the old in- firm Seniors, The moss-covered Seniors who splash the ink well.” And now we come to the discussion of the most perfect Junior, the leader of all classes. What is home without a