Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

Page 11 text:

The Easterner 9 to raise revenue by levying taxes on cor- porations, wealthy land owners, tobacco, liquor and similar articles. I have ff my hand a list of England's great land owners for the year 1908, and §nd that one-third of fingland is owned by six hundred men. ‘Lfese men are practically exempt from taxation; yet. we are draining our coffers to buy ships with which to protect their property. My resolutions, therefore, mean to raise revenue by taxing those who are most able to pay it. I shall open the whole plan to you, together with such observations a s may tend to illustrate them where they may want explanation. I therefore move you, “That the wealthy people in England have not been bearing their just share of the expenses of the government.” The Try-Out The Winsome Wonders sat upon a log and gazed pensively at the river. There were four winsome wonders, and they truly were worthy of their name. The little black-haired one on the end, Ethel Wood, and the next one, Bessie Law, were athletic stars—one, the ten- nis champion and te other, captain of the basketball team. The other two— Louise Cox and Margaret Black—were prominent for their work in the glee club and as class officers. “Say, girls,” drawled Ethel, whose lazy way of saying and doing things utterly deceived outsiders as to her ath- letic possibilities, “let's not work any more this term; let’s just have a good time.” : “That's what I think!” chimed in Jessie; “here it is the spring term of our last year; if we don’t keep up our repu- tations this time we'll go out of college without any after all.” ; “Oh, I don’t think yours will get thin and die away yet awhile,” said Margaret, reassuringly, “after the stunt you two did yesterday. A regular official poster in the hall announcing that Miss Julia Marlowe would speak in chapel on ‘the Elevating Influence of Shakespeare on the Theatre!’ Mrs. Douglas was tearing around the halls with blood in her eye trying to find out who did it, and there was an expectant mob in the chapel. We knew you two must have done it, for no one else would have the nerve.” The two grinned with the proper mix- ture of pride and humility. They were used to the elderly advice which the other two were fond of giving, but which on no account must be paid any attention to. “The try-out for the Senior dramatics comes this afternoon, don’t it?” mused Louise. “Yes; [ suppose Elsie James will get the leading part; she’s talked of nothing else for the last two months. There'll be no living in the same house with her if she does; she will be so proud. Didn’t I tell you, as I went past her room last night her door was partly open, and there she was, simpering and practicing before the mirror?” “Kids!” Ethel fairly yelled, her face brightening. ‘‘Flere’s a stunt for this afternoon. Let’s try out with the rest of the bunch. Oh, not seriously, you know,” she went on as she read their blank, dismayed faces; “just to tire the man out, you know. Do the most ex- aggerated things you can. I'll give the baleony scene from Romeo and Juliet.” “Romeo, Romeo,” she began tragically, but the rest of the wonders laughing excitedly pulled her down, and a mo- ment later they were headed for Gray Hall. As they stood out in the corridor wait- ing their turn in the mysterious room, Elsie James came tripping down the hall and stopped with lifted eyebrows and a very condescending smile at the sight of them. “You don’t mean to say that you are going to try for this sort of a thing?”

Page 10 text:

8 The Easterner “That reminds me; has Pie still got an auto?” lak “Oh, most of it. eee “What ever became of Patsy Smith? “Why he’s the lightweight champion of the world.” “Did Unger ever get to be Pope? “No, poor fellow, but he’s secretary of the Treasury, though.” : “Well, say, has anything really im- portant happened here since 1910?” “Only one thing as I know of, and that is, Miss Gardner passed everybody in English.” Silence for a few moments. The bar- ber is now tickling Rip’s upper lip and he does not consider it the psychological moment to gather any more information. At last he asked, “Say, would it be too much trouble for you to tell me whether Joe Herbert cleans his eyeglasses as often as ever?” ae “No, poor fellow; he was standing in front of his mirror one day when it suddenly broké and some flying glass totally blinded him.” “Mr. Barber,’ sighed Rip. “You needn’t shave the other side of my face; I'm going back to the hills.” Lord Royall’s Speech in House of Lords on the Budget (With Apologies to Burke.) Sir: I arise with great trepidation to address the House on this most moment- ous question. I hope, sir, that the fact that I have only recently been made a member of this honorable body will not incline you to treat my proposition lightly, and that you will judge it on its merits alone. During the past decade I have viewed with alarm the ever increasing expenses of the government, and the fact that the revenue has not increased in like pro- portion. I need not dwell upon the fact that to-day we are confronted with a deficit of $78,000,000. From your. ac- tion in the past few days I am sure that you appreciate this fact and are willing to view the question from every point before taking any action. I have given the subject careful con- sideration and have come to the conely- sion that there are only three ways of meeting this emergency. Fif€t, you can reduce the expenditures of the govern. ment and remoye the cause. Second, you can increase the tariff and thus raise enough money to pay the deficit. Third, you can raise revenue by levying taxes on corporations, wealthy land Owners, tobacco, liquor and similar articles. The first of these plans, to decrease the expenditures of the government, | think is most like a systematic proceed- ing, but it is attended with great diffi- culties, some of them little short, as [ conceive, of impossibilities. These will appear on a close examination of the plan. : The competition with Germany for the naval supremacy of the world is evidently the greatest source of expen- diture. To lessen this expenditure ma- terially would leave us a prey to the am- bition of Germany. Therefore, to all patriotic Englishmen this plan is impos- sible. True, we may decrease the expendi- tures in other quarters, but it can be seen by blunter discernments than yours that it is impracticable to decrease it enough to remove the deficit. Since the first plan is unsatisfactory, let us examine the second, to make up for the deficit by increasing the tariff. Our main source of revenue at pres- ent is the taxes levied on the working class of people. If we adopt this plan it will greatly increase the cost of grain, meat and other foods, and will virtually double the taxes on the people who are now paying the greater part of the gov- ernment’s expenses. Such a course is manifestly unfair, and I feel will be abandoned by the gentlemen who pro- posed it, when they consider the spirit of resistance which arises in all English- men when they are unjustly taxed. If, then, the removal of the causes of the deficit is impracticable, if a higher tariff be unjust and to the highest de- gree inexpedient, what way yet remains? No way is open but the third and last,

Page 12 text:

10 “Only for maid humbly, as the Elsie,” said Ethel, turned abruptly to look out of the window. “We thought some of us might get it, you know. “Well, my dear, I’m sure it would be very nice to have you in, but you know experience counts for so much, and Mr. Castle is very particular, so don't be too disappointed if you don’t get it, and she tripped off again. Finally, with many giggles, Helen was ushered into the room and the other girls were off to classes, all agreeing to meet at the summer house at four to tell the results of their adventure. ‘Don’t let’s go into the summer house,” said Ethel, at four, sinking down upon the grass as she spoke. “Now I'm going to begin. You know he looked right hopeful as I went in and asked what part I was trying for. I said, ‘lead- ing lady’ in a very modest tone, and he stalked around and blushed and said, ‘Er—that seems to be a popular part; all the young ladies are trying for it’ Well, I did my Juliet stunt. I went into a box and leaned over the railing and I really was dramatic. I forgot now and then, but I just made things up. I didn’t dare look at him while I was per- forming, and his face when I got done— well, he walked to the door suddently and said, ‘That will do, in a sort of stifled tone and I ran!’ “I couldn’t think of anything but Riley's ‘I’m Been Visiting “Bout a Week,’ so I gave that,” said Margaret, who was tall and stately. “When I fin- ished, he said, ‘You for leading lady, too?’ and I murmured that I had thought of it. And I ran, too. Positively I was scared.” Bessie had spoken a missionary piece she learned in infancy and Louise gave a pantomine— ‘Sewing on a button kids, and I made it awfully long.” So with laugher and clever imitations of the dis- tressed director, they talked until the supper gong sounded faintly over the campus, and then they raced across to their dormitory. About eight that evening the Winsome Wonders were strewn about Bessie’s The Easterner room sampling freely a box of candy Margaret's “man” had just sent. There was a knock at the door, and the maid entered with a note for Bessie, and seeing the other three, produced notes for each of them, There was silence for an in- stant, then four exclamations, then each girl looked at each other and began to laugh. “Tt must be a joke! But who knew? It’s a man’s writing. Report for prac- tice to-morrow: at four. And I’m cast for leading man after my sentimental Juliet,” gasped Ethel hysterically, diving among the cushions of the couch. “And I'm leading lady after my Riley poem,” sobbed Margaret. “Oh! isn’t it too rich.” “And I am clown, thanks to the pantomine,” said Louise, wiping her eyes, ‘and Bessie,” she seized the note, for Bessie was speechless by this time— “is maid! Oh, my darlings, the work we must do!” The campus was brilliant with class day visitors and every one was discuss- ing the Senior play, just over. “A very clever little play,” announced a pompous father to a pretty Senior in cap and gown, who was steering him around. “Very clever. That leading man, now, he was capital, and the clown and maid—they got in some clever by- play, didn’t they? And what a pretty leading lady.” “They're all great girls!” declared the Senior, enthusiastically. “They can just do everything; how they have worked on this. They are completely tired out with it all, too. We met them last night coming home from rehearsal, and they were so cross and tired they wouldn't speak to anyone.” 3ack by the improvised tent dressing room the Wonders were being congratu- lated by the much abused, patient di- rector, Mr. Castle. “My dear young ladies,” he said, “it was perfect; it went beyond my expec- tations. I am delighted, delighted, with my choice in the first place.” ‘But, tell us,” burst forth Ethel, im- pulsively, “how did you ever come to choose us? We weren't really trying.