Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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8 The Easterner “That reminds me; has Pie still got an auto?” lak “Oh, most of it. eee “What ever became of Patsy Smith? “Why he’s the lightweight champion of the world.” “Did Unger ever get to be Pope? “No, poor fellow, but he’s secretary of the Treasury, though.” : “Well, say, has anything really im- portant happened here since 1910?” “Only one thing as I know of, and that is, Miss Gardner passed everybody in English.” Silence for a few moments. The bar- ber is now tickling Rip’s upper lip and he does not consider it the psychological moment to gather any more information. At last he asked, “Say, would it be too much trouble for you to tell me whether Joe Herbert cleans his eyeglasses as often as ever?” ae “No, poor fellow; he was standing in front of his mirror one day when it suddenly broké and some flying glass totally blinded him.” “Mr. Barber,’ sighed Rip. “You needn’t shave the other side of my face; I'm going back to the hills.” Lord Royall’s Speech in House of Lords on the Budget (With Apologies to Burke.) Sir: I arise with great trepidation to address the House on this most moment- ous question. I hope, sir, that the fact that I have only recently been made a member of this honorable body will not incline you to treat my proposition lightly, and that you will judge it on its merits alone. During the past decade I have viewed with alarm the ever increasing expenses of the government, and the fact that the revenue has not increased in like pro- portion. I need not dwell upon the fact that to-day we are confronted with a deficit of $78,000,000. From your. ac- tion in the past few days I am sure that you appreciate this fact and are willing to view the question from every point before taking any action. I have given the subject careful con- sideration and have come to the conely- sion that there are only three ways of meeting this emergency. Fif€t, you can reduce the expenditures of the govern. ment and remoye the cause. Second, you can increase the tariff and thus raise enough money to pay the deficit. Third, you can raise revenue by levying taxes on corporations, wealthy land Owners, tobacco, liquor and similar articles. The first of these plans, to decrease the expenditures of the government, | think is most like a systematic proceed- ing, but it is attended with great diffi- culties, some of them little short, as [ conceive, of impossibilities. These will appear on a close examination of the plan. : The competition with Germany for the naval supremacy of the world is evidently the greatest source of expen- diture. To lessen this expenditure ma- terially would leave us a prey to the am- bition of Germany. Therefore, to all patriotic Englishmen this plan is impos- sible. True, we may decrease the expendi- tures in other quarters, but it can be seen by blunter discernments than yours that it is impracticable to decrease it enough to remove the deficit. Since the first plan is unsatisfactory, let us examine the second, to make up for the deficit by increasing the tariff. Our main source of revenue at pres- ent is the taxes levied on the working class of people. If we adopt this plan it will greatly increase the cost of grain, meat and other foods, and will virtually double the taxes on the people who are now paying the greater part of the gov- ernment’s expenses. Such a course is manifestly unfair, and I feel will be abandoned by the gentlemen who pro- posed it, when they consider the spirit of resistance which arises in all English- men when they are unjustly taxed. If, then, the removal of the causes of the deficit is impracticable, if a higher tariff be unjust and to the highest de- gree inexpedient, what way yet remains? No way is open but the third and last,

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The Easterner 7 who ought to be knocked hard for not coming out to play, but at the same time the majority of those who played deserve the greatéSt of credit, for look at the odds they went up against. They knew when they started that they had to play heavy teams, with no chance of winning, but, yet, they worked hard and played just to keep old Eastern in athletics. Of course, all of us see and com- mend the school spirit at the feeds, but how many think of the three or four who actually do the work? Few realize the work done in getting up a feed, but at the same time there are those who are always on hand to be grumbling about something. The girls and boys who planned the feed certainly do deserve thanks for their hard work. Recently two cadets in Company F had occasion to show their school spirit. Fred Sanderson showed his school spirit when he waived his claim to the first sergeantcy in order to remain right guide of the company. The other ca- det is Dan Roper. On account of his size, and, also, to remain corporal of the last squad in the company, he waived his claim to fifth sergeant. Surely, if all of the boys in the company worked with such spirit, there would be no doubt about F winning the flag next May. In order to make the Christmas tree a success many of the students dropped their studies entirely, knowing at the time that they would have to be made up. If we look arcund we can see many examples of school spirit to be emulated by those who earnestly desire the suc- cess of the school in all its attainments. Rip Van Winkle in 1930 Rip returned from his long snoozle looking like a lawn that has just been watered. He made his way to the barber shop in the drill hall, kept by the Physiology Class, not only because it was shave-time for him, but also be- cause he wanted to get a line 6n the monkey shines of the last twenty years. After he had been neatly tucked away in the chair, and the tonsorial specialist had begun to run the miniature lawn mower across his cheek bone, he pre- pared to have a nice long gossip. Has that 1909 Thanksgiving number of Tue EAstERNER come out yet?” he asked. “Gets here to-morrow,” barber. “Anybody graduated since I've been gone?” “Nope.” “Does Pete Dailey get his hair cut here now?” “Nope; he’s bald-headed now.” “Ts Sanderson still fat?” “Nope; he’s getting quite thin.” “Ts Fischer as handsome as ever?” “Yep.” “Does McCaffrey still stick to his original intention of studying for the ministry 2” “Sure.” : “Tas the team won any games yet?” “Not yet, but we're going to put it on ‘em all this year.” “Has Leland passed off his flunks replied the yet?” “Didn't know he ever flunked.” “Ts poker still popular with the Seniors ?” “Sure, and they've raised the limit to 10 cents.” “Has Gravy gotten rid of his freckles yet?” “No; why you wouldn’t recognize him now, he’s so covered with them.” “Has Whitney learned how to pitch yet?” “Nope.” “Does Harrison still brand of rouge?” “You bet, and powder, too.” “Does Ed still go to see Dot?” “Ha! Ha! They're married.” “Did Schwartz ever get an introduc- tion to Elsie King?” “Sure, and, goodness! now you'd think they had known each other all their lives, but, sh! Genevieve is jeal- ous.” use the same

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The Easterner 9 to raise revenue by levying taxes on cor- porations, wealthy land owners, tobacco, liquor and similar articles. I have ff my hand a list of England's great land owners for the year 1908, and §nd that one-third of fingland is owned by six hundred men. ‘Lfese men are practically exempt from taxation; yet. we are draining our coffers to buy ships with which to protect their property. My resolutions, therefore, mean to raise revenue by taxing those who are most able to pay it. I shall open the whole plan to you, together with such observations a s may tend to illustrate them where they may want explanation. I therefore move you, “That the wealthy people in England have not been bearing their just share of the expenses of the government.” The Try-Out The Winsome Wonders sat upon a log and gazed pensively at the river. There were four winsome wonders, and they truly were worthy of their name. The little black-haired one on the end, Ethel Wood, and the next one, Bessie Law, were athletic stars—one, the ten- nis champion and te other, captain of the basketball team. The other two— Louise Cox and Margaret Black—were prominent for their work in the glee club and as class officers. “Say, girls,” drawled Ethel, whose lazy way of saying and doing things utterly deceived outsiders as to her ath- letic possibilities, “let's not work any more this term; let’s just have a good time.” : “That's what I think!” chimed in Jessie; “here it is the spring term of our last year; if we don’t keep up our repu- tations this time we'll go out of college without any after all.” ; “Oh, I don’t think yours will get thin and die away yet awhile,” said Margaret, reassuringly, “after the stunt you two did yesterday. A regular official poster in the hall announcing that Miss Julia Marlowe would speak in chapel on ‘the Elevating Influence of Shakespeare on the Theatre!’ Mrs. Douglas was tearing around the halls with blood in her eye trying to find out who did it, and there was an expectant mob in the chapel. We knew you two must have done it, for no one else would have the nerve.” The two grinned with the proper mix- ture of pride and humility. They were used to the elderly advice which the other two were fond of giving, but which on no account must be paid any attention to. “The try-out for the Senior dramatics comes this afternoon, don’t it?” mused Louise. “Yes; [ suppose Elsie James will get the leading part; she’s talked of nothing else for the last two months. There'll be no living in the same house with her if she does; she will be so proud. Didn’t I tell you, as I went past her room last night her door was partly open, and there she was, simpering and practicing before the mirror?” “Kids!” Ethel fairly yelled, her face brightening. ‘‘Flere’s a stunt for this afternoon. Let’s try out with the rest of the bunch. Oh, not seriously, you know,” she went on as she read their blank, dismayed faces; “just to tire the man out, you know. Do the most ex- aggerated things you can. I'll give the baleony scene from Romeo and Juliet.” “Romeo, Romeo,” she began tragically, but the rest of the wonders laughing excitedly pulled her down, and a mo- ment later they were headed for Gray Hall. As they stood out in the corridor wait- ing their turn in the mysterious room, Elsie James came tripping down the hall and stopped with lifted eyebrows and a very condescending smile at the sight of them. “You don’t mean to say that you are going to try for this sort of a thing?”