Eastern High School of Commerce - Eastern Echo Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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PAGE 4 THE BULLETIN The Bit's in Our Teeth! WOWZAH, Folks! The Bulletin gives you all the news before it happens. If you can't de- cide what to wear, just look for the fashion re- view contributed by Mis- Fit. If you want to stretch your means to take in the show, consult the financial section conducted by Mr. Shystro. If you're sick after seeing your last exam marks, dive into the health column of Dr. Passout. Perhaps you are one of those who dislike publicity and if so, you had better send in a substantial sum and if you really would like to have your name in this sheet, send in the fee also, if you don't we won't mention you unless you don't want us to, and if We don't we're likely to and-well, anyway, send in the contribution. In case of libel suits send any size suit, all favors thankfully received. Homework Becomes the Rage 1Continued from page Il you with minor details, for this complicated mech- anism, which was con- structed only with the help of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the Binomial Theorem and an Inter- locking Jig-Saw Puzzle, is not for the understanding of laymen. The contrivance we speak of is the result of years of research by the Association for Advance- ment of Idle Hours. In short, a Homework Robot. When interviewed by The Bulletinfs own squand- ering reporter, and to whom immediate credit for the invention goes, EASTERN ECHO l i 1 1 I I Q 1 1 l l 1 1 i l iuiuil vi' 1 11 ll lil fill Ill! lm iw in I l lil 1111 111 5 ni W l ll11y 111 Q 1, ,I U' :'?.f 11 Q . .xi A l'.X to ' b . 1 li 1 ' 1 -1 r o O 1' nu ,UQ QS? 5. -ff S' Au Revoir +o Miss Spence William D. Ment, presi- dent of the Association, said: My brain waves usu- ally arrive periodically, but this one surprised me. It was after a sleepless night, with my brain reel- ing from fatigue, think- ing, thinking of excuse after excuse for not hav- ing my homework done, when this idea smote me with the force of a thund- erbolt. Coming out of a daze, I sprang out of bed clad only in a night gown and immediately set to work constructing the fig- ment of my imagination. And the result-the Home- work Robot. Even a child can work it. All he has to do is give the Robot instruc- tions and then go out for the evening. In the mean- time, while he is enjoying a movie, the Robot is working hard. On his re- turn the student finds all his homework done and neatly written in his own hand in the note book. No problem is too hard for my Life Saver, which I later named Robot, no composition too intricate. Needless to say, The Bulletin believes that Mr. D. Ment's invention will 1 1 l l 1 revolutionize educational systems of both hemis- pheres. No longer will students rack their brains for excuses after not do- ing homework, but rather will try to inveigle the teacher into giving them more, more, more. Children cry for it, but students will beg for it. We can picture the inces- sant vociferations arising from students clamoring for more homework, more, more, more. Henceforth homework will be strictly a pleasure. And the day is not far off when ten- year-olds will have the prepossessing initials B.A. after their youthful sig- natures. As for me, concluded Mr. D. Ment, I am a benefactor to humanity. Wealth and fame are already pouring in on me from all sides. My name shall go down in history's Hall of Fame beside such famous figures as Sir Isaac Newton, Pasteur and Bing Crosby. fEditor's Note:-This was all our reporter could get since he had to rush home and try to get that ?8t53i2 170?!!! statement to balance.Q i unit Hum mm mmm 'heat Sixty-seven

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THE BULLETIN PAGE 5 YE EDITOR'S MAIL BAG ESCAPED GRADS WRITE To the Editor of The Bulletin. Sir: The Commerce campus is one of the most import- ant places in the city, for every day some of the big- gest fand howl heads of the city congregate there. These men are from the Dipsomaniac Society of Cystotaeniie, commonly re- ferred to as the D. S. C. Don't you, dear Editor, think that in view of the fact that our campus is frequented by such distin- guished people it should be renovated? Now I suggest the following: Four sunk- en gardens, two beds of orchids, five beds of roses, a string orchestra, the Commerce ballet of Gre- cian dancers, one lovers' lane and a rugby field with a winning rugby team. If our campus was thus arranged or equipped, I guarantee that the Bored of Education would not meet its budget for the next century or so. Well, good-bye, dear Editor, I must get back to my cell now. Say, Ed., you should see that cell, it has deli-cate tapestry fpadsj on the walls and ceiling and the intricate iron-work fbarsl over the windows is really a de- light to the eye. Anticipating the pleas- ure of seeing you he-re after the Echo is out, I remain . Very cruelly yours ibut in tearsj , Elmer Zilch, '67, Six+y-six l l l l l 1 Editor of The Bulletin. Sir: Since my graduation in 1883 I have seen wonder- ful and remarkable pro- gress made in our dear old Alma Mater. I've seen a change not so much phy- sical as moral-very sig- nificant when analysed by an outsider looking in. There's a new independ- ence, a new strength, a new interpretation of the school motto Upsit or exit. The espfrit de corps has shed the clothes of the infant mewling in the nurse's arms and donned the garments of manhood. Hooray! I ought to know I've spent seventeen years on Park Bench Row and have lost track of the other seventy. Let me close with a tip-off from Rous- seau, To live is not merely to breatheg it is to prevent halitosisf' fSignedj You Wouldn't Know Me Anyway. Students' Council De- feat Their Own Motion fCo'n.ti'nued from page 23 such original repartee as Oh, Yeah! Sez You? and Banana O1l. The vote stood 3-9 fo-r the motion and 9-3 against the motion, so the chair- man called the debate a tie and it was recorded on the books that the Council had defeated its own motion. What this country needs is malted milk, stated Thurs Tea, first speaker on the motion. For the last five years I have been drinking malted milk with no ill effects, except for occasional epi-- leptic fits. Malted milk could be easily manufac- tured at a small cost and sold in our own cafeteria.. The froth on the malted milk could be placed into small tubes and used as shaving cream or tooth paste, and if this plan were adopted by us we might be able to balance the trading statement, even if some of us are unbalanced. The speaker adopted the suggestions and in the sil- ence that followed the mournful strains of Sweet Adeline could be heard' echoing across the Com- merce campus. For years I've tried to- blow bubbles, said the second speaker for the motion, and I find that after consuming five or six mugs of malted milk I can get the most gorgeous' effects by just lying back and opening my mouth. As we all know that troubles are but bubbles and malted milk would be a good way of ending the depression. To malted milk or not to malted milk, said Mr. Please Refrain, for the opposition, opening his address with his usual brilliant wit, but as for' me I'm going back to Russia, where I can get a glass of vodka. Vod- kare I for malted milk? So there you have it. Pro and con. What is your opinion? The chair- man, when asked this question by our philander- ing reporter replied: Pish, tush and why not. ' EASTERN ECHO

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Q. POETRY 77 MUSIC RUTH HADLEY. 3SI Soft strains of a Venetian waltz Drift me into a dream Of gondolas and sweet romance, While poling down the stream. The Frenchman sings a love song, It ends like this: Je t'aime , What should end that way but a love song- And Frenchie to sing the rhyme? The Hutes of Morocco's streets Blare forth in the noon-day sun, While Arabs on their jet black steeds A journey have just begun. Weird dances to scare away devils, The tom tom beats the timeg India's natives cleansing their soul From an unearthly sort of grime. Hawaiian guitars strum off a tune, While waves beat on the shore, The music seems to end so soon When I want more and more. as -If me THE SONG OF THE WIND KATHLEEN TWYNN, 3C A soft sweet, harmonious thing Is only the song that the wind can sing, Now loud, now soft, as though it came From an unknown land of an un- known name, Where fairies weave their magic spell, And where the unknown chanters dwell, Re-echoing, through the wandering wind A glorious anthem of a mystic kind. Sixty-eight Like the delicate scent of a rose in spring Is the song that only wind-songsters sing, Soothing a weary suEerer's pain, Lulling a baby to sleep again. It diverges like a tolling bell, Emerges as an ocean quell, Fading mysteriously as it came To that far-away land without-a-name. ar if if WINTER HAZEL FLEMING. 3C The days are short, Bare are the trees, No longer blows The autumn breeze. The sky is dark, The clouds are grey, 'Tis the sign of a storm Upon its way. And now the snow falls Soft and light, Covering the earth With a blanket white. Listen! Hear the wind Whistling through the eaves, . Rustling all the brown, Late autumn leaves. The babbling brook And the old mill pond Are held in the clutch Of old winter's bond. Oh! thou dreary winter The time of ice and snow When the cold North Wind Doth cruelly, coldly blow. - EASTERN ECHO