Eastern High School of Commerce - Eastern Echo Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE BULLETIN PAGE 5 YE EDITOR'S MAIL BAG ESCAPED GRADS WRITE To the Editor of The Bulletin. Sir: The Commerce campus is one of the most import- ant places in the city, for every day some of the big- gest fand howl heads of the city congregate there. These men are from the Dipsomaniac Society of Cystotaeniie, commonly re- ferred to as the D. S. C. Don't you, dear Editor, think that in view of the fact that our campus is frequented by such distin- guished people it should be renovated? Now I suggest the following: Four sunk- en gardens, two beds of orchids, five beds of roses, a string orchestra, the Commerce ballet of Gre- cian dancers, one lovers' lane and a rugby field with a winning rugby team. If our campus was thus arranged or equipped, I guarantee that the Bored of Education would not meet its budget for the next century or so. Well, good-bye, dear Editor, I must get back to my cell now. Say, Ed., you should see that cell, it has deli-cate tapestry fpadsj on the walls and ceiling and the intricate iron-work fbarsl over the windows is really a de- light to the eye. Anticipating the pleas- ure of seeing you he-re after the Echo is out, I remain . Very cruelly yours ibut in tearsj , Elmer Zilch, '67, Six+y-six l l l l l 1 Editor of The Bulletin. Sir: Since my graduation in 1883 I have seen wonder- ful and remarkable pro- gress made in our dear old Alma Mater. I've seen a change not so much phy- sical as moral-very sig- nificant when analysed by an outsider looking in. There's a new independ- ence, a new strength, a new interpretation of the school motto Upsit or exit. The espfrit de corps has shed the clothes of the infant mewling in the nurse's arms and donned the garments of manhood. Hooray! I ought to know I've spent seventeen years on Park Bench Row and have lost track of the other seventy. Let me close with a tip-off from Rous- seau, To live is not merely to breatheg it is to prevent halitosisf' fSignedj You Wouldn't Know Me Anyway. Students' Council De- feat Their Own Motion fCo'n.ti'nued from page 23 such original repartee as Oh, Yeah! Sez You? and Banana O1l. The vote stood 3-9 fo-r the motion and 9-3 against the motion, so the chair- man called the debate a tie and it was recorded on the books that the Council had defeated its own motion. What this country needs is malted milk, stated Thurs Tea, first speaker on the motion. For the last five years I have been drinking malted milk with no ill effects, except for occasional epi-- leptic fits. Malted milk could be easily manufac- tured at a small cost and sold in our own cafeteria.. The froth on the malted milk could be placed into small tubes and used as shaving cream or tooth paste, and if this plan were adopted by us we might be able to balance the trading statement, even if some of us are unbalanced. The speaker adopted the suggestions and in the sil- ence that followed the mournful strains of Sweet Adeline could be heard' echoing across the Com- merce campus. For years I've tried to- blow bubbles, said the second speaker for the motion, and I find that after consuming five or six mugs of malted milk I can get the most gorgeous' effects by just lying back and opening my mouth. As we all know that troubles are but bubbles and malted milk would be a good way of ending the depression. To malted milk or not to malted milk, said Mr. Please Refrain, for the opposition, opening his address with his usual brilliant wit, but as for' me I'm going back to Russia, where I can get a glass of vodka. Vod- kare I for malted milk? So there you have it. Pro and con. What is your opinion? The chair- man, when asked this question by our philander- ing reporter replied: Pish, tush and why not. ' EASTERN ECHO

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PAGE 2 THE BULLETIN EASTERN ECHOSTAFF nuns RESULTING from al- leged indignation over the fact that they had enough material on hand to publish a magazine, the editorial staff of the East- ern Echo has resigned en masse. Other causes for the resignation have been set forth in the letter of re- signation, which has been signed by all members of the staff. One of the reasons set out is the action of the Bored of Education in cancelling all exams this year. At a special meeting of the Bored it was decided that because of the low stand- ard of intelligence evi- denced by Eastern Echo writers, they should be promoted with first-class honors in lieu of the written exams. This, it is stated, is against the best interests of the Echo and is not to be thought of. The resignation was prepared at a mass meet- ing in the cellar of East- ern Commerce at a late hour last night, and gives an unconditional resigna- tion if the proposed action is carried out. Fiery speeches by members of the staff featured the meeting. Introducing the matter to the meeting, Bennie Sugarman, with tears shrouding the brightness of his big blue eyes, and coursing down his other- wise benign and genial countenance outlined to l wir The Editor of The Bulletin EASTERN ECHO 1l1l i1 .ls1-1 i N l T i 4 1 1 l 1 l 4 T those present the results of this extraordinary action of the Bored of Education. Boys, he said, many a time and oft I have thought of what would happen if some of the staff were to pass their examinations. What would we fill up the Echo with if all the reporters passed out of the picture? And now they are going to pass us with first-class honors. First thing you know you'll be out on the street looking for a job, and Heaven help you in ade- pression like this. Whatever it is, I second the motion, said Norman MacDermott, ris- ing undecidedly to his feet. And now to take up that collection for the party to celebrate .... What were we talking about? Others then took the Hoor to air their views on the matter, resulting in the resignation of the Eastern Echo staff en masse. That then, dear readers fthe whole of six of youl, explains why the Eastern Echo will not appear this year. Students' Council De- feat Their Own Motion LAST night at the Stu- dents' Council meet- ing, held for a change on the roof of Portable A, the motion, Resolved that all Council fees for the past twenty-five years plus in- terest at 5'7r, compounded daily, should be refunded to the graduating year, was defeated. Before a packed house the debaters delivered their addresses 132 Jones Ave. and 23 Greenwood Av,e.l while hecklers ran riot with tContinu.ed on page sb Pupil Gets Seat On Street Car ONE of the most sensa- tional stories of the year broke yesterday at five o'clock when an egre- gious Bulletin reporter confirmed the rumor that a pupil actually got a seat on a city street car. At the first report of this sensational rumor The Bulletin immediately in- terviewed graduates and members of the staff who failed to understand how this particular student had been overlooked. Mr. Izzie DeShyster, chief track walker, in- formed The Bulletin that as far back as he could remember, and he is a descendant of the U.E.L.'s, no such success had ever crowned a student's ef- forts before. DeShyster did not know if the conductor and mot- orman, who were respon- sible for this precedent, would be fired or not. But late last night in a long- distance telephonic con- versation to Oakville with ifwfillffllllfll on pagr IILQLD One Serious Moment ON this same page last year we said the world is waiting for the sunrise . ' Well, it's still waiting. The darkest part of the storm must certainly be over. We've but to hope and pray that with the advent of spring the longe delayed change will come about. Then will return the incentive to better work. Then will these lean years go down in his- tory as just another de- pression . Till then do yourself and your country a great service-KEEP CHEERFUL! Sixty-five

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PAGE 4 THE BULLETIN The Bit's in Our Teeth! WOWZAH, Folks! The Bulletin gives you all the news before it happens. If you can't de- cide what to wear, just look for the fashion re- view contributed by Mis- Fit. If you want to stretch your means to take in the show, consult the financial section conducted by Mr. Shystro. If you're sick after seeing your last exam marks, dive into the health column of Dr. Passout. Perhaps you are one of those who dislike publicity and if so, you had better send in a substantial sum and if you really would like to have your name in this sheet, send in the fee also, if you don't we won't mention you unless you don't want us to, and if We don't we're likely to and-well, anyway, send in the contribution. In case of libel suits send any size suit, all favors thankfully received. Homework Becomes the Rage 1Continued from page Il you with minor details, for this complicated mech- anism, which was con- structed only with the help of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the Binomial Theorem and an Inter- locking Jig-Saw Puzzle, is not for the understanding of laymen. The contrivance we speak of is the result of years of research by the Association for Advance- ment of Idle Hours. In short, a Homework Robot. When interviewed by The Bulletinfs own squand- ering reporter, and to whom immediate credit for the invention goes, EASTERN ECHO l i 1 1 I I Q 1 1 l l 1 1 i l iuiuil vi' 1 11 ll lil fill Ill! lm iw in I l lil 1111 111 5 ni W l ll11y 111 Q 1, ,I U' :'?.f 11 Q . .xi A l'.X to ' b . 1 li 1 ' 1 -1 r o O 1' nu ,UQ QS? 5. -ff S' Au Revoir +o Miss Spence William D. Ment, presi- dent of the Association, said: My brain waves usu- ally arrive periodically, but this one surprised me. It was after a sleepless night, with my brain reel- ing from fatigue, think- ing, thinking of excuse after excuse for not hav- ing my homework done, when this idea smote me with the force of a thund- erbolt. Coming out of a daze, I sprang out of bed clad only in a night gown and immediately set to work constructing the fig- ment of my imagination. And the result-the Home- work Robot. Even a child can work it. All he has to do is give the Robot instruc- tions and then go out for the evening. In the mean- time, while he is enjoying a movie, the Robot is working hard. On his re- turn the student finds all his homework done and neatly written in his own hand in the note book. No problem is too hard for my Life Saver, which I later named Robot, no composition too intricate. Needless to say, The Bulletin believes that Mr. D. Ment's invention will 1 1 l l 1 revolutionize educational systems of both hemis- pheres. No longer will students rack their brains for excuses after not do- ing homework, but rather will try to inveigle the teacher into giving them more, more, more. Children cry for it, but students will beg for it. We can picture the inces- sant vociferations arising from students clamoring for more homework, more, more, more. Henceforth homework will be strictly a pleasure. And the day is not far off when ten- year-olds will have the prepossessing initials B.A. after their youthful sig- natures. As for me, concluded Mr. D. Ment, I am a benefactor to humanity. Wealth and fame are already pouring in on me from all sides. My name shall go down in history's Hall of Fame beside such famous figures as Sir Isaac Newton, Pasteur and Bing Crosby. fEditor's Note:-This was all our reporter could get since he had to rush home and try to get that ?8t53i2 170?!!! statement to balance.Q i unit Hum mm mmm 'heat Sixty-seven