Durham High School - Messenger Yearbook (Durham, NC)

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Phoebe, began Allison. No. Phoebe dropped her hands to her lap. I wouldn ' t say anything about next year. I would just watch her a moment. I could do that. She looked over Allison ' s shoulder towards the blinker light. Do you think she could see me sitting way over here? Phoebe sensed something elipsing the sun. The shadow lengthened. Allison was standing over her. Phoebe, I wouldn ' t see her if I were you, said Allison, watching her. It ' s for your own good. Allison! You just don ' t understand. But Phaebe sat on the bench, watching the shadow on the grass. Sometimes, she, said, I imagine she comes out to talk and I think of all the things we might say. When I go home I have a fear of never seeing her again. That ' s silly. You can see her at school on Monday. That ' s just it. I ' m afraid my parents won ' t let me keep on going to school where I wish. They ' ll send me away to school. But your grades are fine, insisted Allison. Just the same, I have that fear. I had it once when my Irish Setter ran away from home one day in the summer and I just knew he ' d never come back. It was because I loved him so much. Phoebe felt Allison ' s shadow rnove. She watched the grass again. I found him one day. A car had run over him. He was just lying there, by the side of the road with dried mud caked in his paws, and his mouth. And blueflies were buzzing around his head and in his ears. I never wanted another dog. She looked up at Allison. It just wouldn ' t be the same. But you just can ' t give up, caaxed Allison, taking the towel she had brought with her from its place on the bench to her arms. You ' re not being fair to yourself, Phoebe. Try to be fair to yourself. 17

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green eyes. I can read in them what you never will tell me, Allison lowered her face so that Phoebe could not see. Phoebe frowned. I don ' t want your old help, said Phoebe, still frowning. Well, maybe so, but that isn ' t what the girls at school say. They think you ' re a terrible snob. You just think you are. You like to pretend that. But really, you ignore us all. At school you wanted to be with Miss Brooks more than us. It gets to them . . . they talk about it to me all the time. Allison ' s eyes seemed darker to Phoebe than be¬ fore. Is that all? Phoebe stirred in her position on the bench beside Allison. She could feel her hair sticking to her blouse in a wet place on her back. They ... Allison looked at Phoebe with the intent stare that made Phoebe feel as she used to at night when she was undressing for bed. She P } thought that people were staring at her body. Oh nothing, finished Allison. It was nothing, really. Well what? I don ' t care what they said. You can tell me. Phoebe stared at her hands. Allison lifted her eyes. They say you ' re in love with Miss Brooks and they wanted to know what it was like having you for a best friend, And you told them that I loved everything that moved, interrupted Phoebe. Allison took off her glasses and polished them clean. I didn ' t. I said you didn ' t confide in me any¬ more and that you never bothered with anybody onymore. Phoebe looked away. Well, you don ' t, said Allison, watching her. Phoebe moved, reached down and picked up a blade of grass and split it with her thumbnail while Allison said nothing and did not watch. I waited for you. I went to the library to return those books and saw you over here, Allison started again. Phoebe bent the blade of grass double. Allison whispered: I saw Miss Brooks in the library. She asked about you. Phoebe looked up, interested. She did? What did she say? Oh, I don ' t know. Allison leaned back on the bench and Phoebe watched her out of Ihe tail of her eye, waited. She said she wanted to see you about something. That was all. Allison shrugged her shoulders. Does she study in there? she asked, pointing behind her¬ self to the library. She spends all her time in there, answered Phoebe. Phoebe, too looked towards the library and the magnolia trees shading the entrance to it. Phoebe regarded Allison meditatively, as if seeing her for the first time. She might not teach another year. Allison ' s part was crooked. The breeze wisped her short black hair around her face. You never had her, did you? asked Phoebe quietly. No, I never did. She might not teach another year. Phoebe raised her hand and pretended to sketch the outline of a faraway building. I said that though, didn ' t I? Phoebe stared at her hands. She frowned as if remembering something unpleasant. 16

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What about the others? All I do is waste her time. That ' s fairness, is it? Phoebe looked up again, expectantly. Allison was not smiling. That ' s not what I said. You have to decide if you ' re going to go on seeing her or not. And then don ' t worry about the others. They can take care of themselves. Phoebe stared at her hands, turned them over, inspected them. Do you think it ' s all right? Being so fond of a teacher and all? I said not to worry about the others. I don ' t mean the others, interrupted Phoebe standing up. I mean you, Allison. Do you think it ' s fair? Phoebe stood up even with her. Sunlight flashed on Allison ' s spectacles. Allison turned her face from the sun. Phoebe could not see her face. If you want ... I have other friends. If you want a teacher for one of yours. I ' ll stand behind you. You ' re fortunate, you know, having a teacher for a friend. Allison turned into the glare of the sun, spectacles flashing. She smiled. I envy you some¬ times. Phoebe said nothing. Allison smiled again. I ' m going home for lunch; call me if you want to. Phoebe nodded and watched her disappear down the quadrangle to the road that led back to their neighborhood. She picked up the swimming bag from the ground and uncrumpled it. The sun moved from behind a cloud. She watched the library entrance with shaded eyes and hoisted the bag to her shoulders and stood. The breeze stiffened and the magnolia trees, clumped around the entrance to the library, parted their foliage like a child searching in the grass for Easter eggs. The lawn had been freshly mowed and had a cleaner look about it than when she had come to swimming practice early that morning. Phoebe wanted to take her shoes off and go running bare¬ foot through it. She kicked off one shoe and stood balanced on the pavement. She slipped her foot out of the other one. A woman appeared from the arched entrance under the magnolia trees and walked towards the blinker light and the bench beside the bus stop. Phoebe had grass in her shoe. She saw the teacher sitting alone on the marble bench under the yellow light winking. She was wearing the green dress. Then Phoebe stuck her shoes back on with the grass still in them and started walking back down the hill after Allison. And she was counting objects and things in her mind.