Duncan High School - Wildkat Yearbook (Duncan, AZ)

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First let us go to the world of sports. Flash!!! Howard “Burly Mae” Price, has just made his 18th attempt to swim the English Channel. “Burly Mae” has beenenrolled at Vassar for the last 12 years and just can’t seem to graduate. He reports it’s hard to keep his mind on his studies. After his 18th attempt “Burly Mae” stated, “I guess I can’t make it so I’m going to try the Gila River instead!” Now we take you to Saratoga Race Track; in the Grand Stand we see Stub Stew- art cheering for his entry! Oh! Too bad!! The race has just ended. Stub’s pet I snapping turtle came in last, winning him 50£. Whizz, we’re off to California where the world's champion tennis matches have just ended. Betty Lou Rex is now jumping the net. She is World’s Champion Tennis Player. Betty is known the world over for her inexhaustibility. And now we take you to the biggest little city on earth, Reno, Nevada. Behind one of the dice tables is none other than Charley “7 come 11 Scott. With exper- ience he gained on the basketball team Charles makes an expert crap shooter. We see Barry Clothier practicing for the coming hot-rod race. He will defend his title of Dare-Devil. In the Yankee Stadium we see Jerry Lovett in a mad dash from third base to home. Don’t get your hopes up, he only has thirty minutes before game time and he has to finish mowing the lawn. The Kingling Brothers Circus announces the hiring of a new strong woman; she is none other than Glenna Hirschi, formerly of D.U.H.S. Secretary of War has just appointed a new assistant who is Verna Gale. ae states that she likes the army so well that she had to find a job near it. News bulletin from Duncan! Sammy Lou Hext has just added a Persian cat to er collection. It is inmemory of her long-lost friend, who was from Peoria. This rings her to a total of 35 men lost and 35 cats gained. News bulletin from the only place in the world where a person is happy not ° live in, Virden, N. M. La Florence Brawleyisthe head manager of the “spud s ed . She now has a family of 12 children, six red heads and six blonds. n Hollywood Laurette Bennett has been crowned the Lady from 29 Palms ec yse er 29 divorces. She must be making a collection of diamond rings. he winne r of the great-grandmother contest is Carol Jean Williams of Frank- m, rizona.She lives there with her ten kids. The prize awarded her is a year’s supply of diapers. wi s.k • see on the Mrs. America’s Throne, Julia Jean Cox. Julia did not cj1 y looks, of course, but for kids. She has the largest number in America, e married a goat rancher). 14

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■i ■ We just received a bulletin from the Army again. A new canteen has been opened. Donna Packer was left on the church steps on her wedding morn, but remaining true to the Army, she opened the new canteen. Donna does the Can-Can for floor shows. Next for the scientific field; Prof. Lonnie Skinner has just won the Nobel A- ward onhis discoveries of whatmakes an Alka-Seltzer fizz and why hiccups won’t hold water. FlashMSpecialfrom Alcoholics Anonymous. Brad Chapmanis doing very well. They report he has been weaned to two cases of A-l Beer a day. I predict that infive years theymay have him cured, so he can look a glass of milk in the face again. Have you heard the good news of Gila College? Marvin Lunt is the new pres- ident. President Lunt likes the bus system so well he lives with his parents in Duncan and rides the bus to and from school each day. Now we take you to B.Y.U., where we see Glenna Stowell who will graduate for her fourth time this spring. She won’t give up, for she is determined to get her man at the matrimonial school. In the little town of Bylas we see an old maid country school teacher. As her motto she still has “I can’t” hanging in front of the class room. We see the old MaroonKaiser still sitting out in front waiting for school to end to take Barbara Philips home. We now tune in at Harvard University. As we look around the Campus Grounds we see a scholar, David Merre 11, by name, riding around the campus on a bicycle. (License Suspension) Flash! Be verly Foster has just been awarded the title of “Miss” Insane Asy- um of 1983. Her fellow inmates of 24th st. voted her the inmate most likely not to succeed. She is reported doing fine, but is still muttering unconsciously the words: Crotts ! Crotts ! Crotts ! Flash! A recent news release by Gerald “Einstein” Crotts tells us he has put out a new theory on mouse traps. Gerald has been in the rat business ever since he divorced Beverly Foster. He states that an easy way to catch a mouse is to bait the trap with a pretty girl, and before long, a rat will appear. . , a t but not least by all means we hear from the President of the U.S. Pres- 1 ent Afton McGrath sends her regards to our broadcast. Afton was elected the nrst woman president for the Republican party. This has been station J.U.C.L. bringing you the news of the world and this is lor tonight. This is station J.U.C.L. in Duncan of the J.O.K.E. Broadcasting Company. 15