Drexel University College of Medicine - Medic Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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vol. 1 No. 1 H-VIRUS DISCUSSION Current research is being directed towards description of H- virus symptomology, its diverse and bizarre effects on first year student brain tissue fFig. 281. However, it is well known that methods of treatment are lacking. Though there exists no clear cut therapeutic regimen, students have found considerable symp- tomatic relief through use of the following modes of self-treat- ment. One of the most popular treatments can be obtained in Sahh- phie's Sunny Solarium fformerly the gross anatomy labj, where students can be found basking under fluorescent lighting and basting in preservative fluid under the supervision of classmates fFig. 295. Other students obtain relief in the student lounge where they plug themselves into large, brightly colored machines. These machines generate pleasurable vibrations, flashing lights and soothing noises, so that everyone walks away with a satisfied grin CFig. 301. ' M n ' v., v ,- V g.. ' , - i, ' Q -W i v. f. A M, l - fgvxi M s., Figure 28A. I get along by carrying around an extra brain in a box. DEMENTO ET AL. 13 1.5! Figure 28B. We want to quit school, marry doctors, scrub floors and have babies. S. W T? gin! Figure 29. Awhhhh, so that's what happens! Figure 30. This machine gives great game. if Qt'-4 .SL- It 1. I

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l2 THE NEW HAHNEMANN JOURNAL OF MEDICINE June 4, 1980 Despite indications that the first stage of the disease was coming to an end, more frequent and potent innoculations result- ed in increasingly bizarre and puzzling manifestations. Extrane- ous tissue appeared in other body areas CFig. 235 and proliferat- ed uncontrollably when exposed to recordings of The Knack's hit single My Sharona QFig. 241. Courageous attempts by the subjects themselves to excise the tissue fFig. 251 failed dismally CFig. 265. A -elfxc ., if 5 ' M062 ,. Figure 23. I'm going on a diet after exams. W Figure 24. This treatment is painless. Illustrating the extreme danger of the experiment, one of the researchers, Dr. Antra Gastra LaVage, was actually infected herself after multiple exposures to one of the more resistant experimental subjects fFig. 261. 0 L 'L' JA.,-4: Figure 25. Where are yours? , ' Q , -. ik if-fi 1 I .,,. 'ff Q r. xi' .il Figure 26. We told him not to go to all of LaVage's lectures! Figure 27. But the book said it was dorsolateral, not lateral dorsal.

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l xi I4 THE NEW HAHNEMANN JOURNAL OF MEDICINE June 4, 1980 Between classes students can be seen queuing up in front of the 15th St. Acute Attack Treatment Booth where Dr. Mama Pret- ziola dispenses her chewy brand of oral gratification fFig. 311. Even professors have attempted to help students in combatting their disease. Most notably, Dr. Minnesota Meyer enthusiasti- cally coaches an eager freshman on the finer points of the game CFig. 321. Well, the first year is over. Due to the effects of H-virus, students have done things they have never done before, and hope to never do again QFig. 331. Although students are awaiting a possible re-emergence of H-virus in Core I extension, they be- lieve that prognosis for the future is good as long as new and exciting therapeutic techniques are discovered and implemented CFig. 341. REFERENCES 1. Demento, Peter, at's all. How to avoid the high cost of tenure. Journal of Employee Turnover. 19713 16f31:2. 2. Angstrom, Carol. n-Triacontanoic acid and its effectiveness on blue- berry stains in permanent press. Journal of Stain Technology. l978' 301:16-33. 1 115 Xi Figure 31. God, I hope I have enough for a double. ji'-1-me- Vu . ,, N . h ' 4 .1 Figure 32. it's not the way you hold a stick, it's how you use it. F, . '- ' ' - . -F J' i . i M uf' r i 'T 'Q Z A E in 4 4 Figure 33. Gross Leftovers -9 Q: at 1 .Q-' hi, i - - Ilia' -,l Figure 34. Splash Therapy Veer, Al T. Pulmonary dynamics in modern prophylactics. Newark Symposium on Birth Control. 1979, 5:1-100. Javelin, Thomas. Grades as an incentive to maximize achievement. Vital and Health Statistics. Series 20: Data on Mortality. U.S. Government Printing Office, 1978. Da Fingah, JR. National medical board scores as indicative of medical proficiency. Journal of Irreproducible Results. 1975, 6:79- 85. Crawl-All, Richard, et al. Procedure for medical student promotion. International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Crimi- nology. 1977, 10121256-85. El Boobin Eman U, Leaving WM, Yourway Kung Foo. Current teaching methods in pathology, Esoterica, 19773 211 11:74-6. Churning W, Zorro VL, Fur-coat A. The effects of stress on recall of nonsense material. Journal of Trauma. 19723 46:3. Bolanovich Mr. Things I have seen in gross lab. Medical Laboratory Observer. In press. Bagged-it Jim, Bent-it Hugh. Trends in medical student-faculty relations. Human Communication and its Disorders. 1969, 6191169- 96. Melancholia Gerry, Ben-Nerde MA. The effects of upcoming tests on lecture attendance. Pavlov Journal of Higher Nervous Activity. 19713 9Q21:1-3. Torrid JC. The publish or perish syndrome or tension on my hhahht. Journal of the Newark City Hospital. 1970, 7f71:7-17. Sahhphie Buck, Heroin O, Camper A, Francis Saint. Sub-divisions of the anterior process of the medial malleolus. Modern Trends in Pathetics. 1959, 6:45-78. Sniper V Charlie. The effects of short chain polypeptides on tef1on adrenal glands. Transactions of the American Society for Artificial Internal Organs. 19773 3:33-59.