Detroit Country Day School - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Birmingham, MI)

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61065 FPOIQAQCV Department of Justice Federal Bureau of Investigation Washington, D. C. June 5, 1967 Dear Mr. Shaw: In compliance with your request for information concerning the whereabouts of the graduates of the class of 1954, this ofiice sent Special Agent William Bagley on a round-the- world hunt for information. Following is the report that he submitted. I began my search for the graduates of the class of '54 by questioning Dick Gooel in his spacious Manhattan office. Dick had risen from an assistant mixer in an obscure paint factory to become the undisputed king of the paint industry. Dick gave me a list of places where I might find the people that I was looking for. I thanked Dick and eagerly rushed to the airport to board a plane for Mexico City, the first place on my list. It was no surprise to learn that the pilot of our plane was Captain Jay Jacobs. Jacobs had lost his Civil Air Patrol job after he was caught dropping napalm bombs on Detroit Country Day School. Jay had received the job on the personal recommendation of Mr. Shaw who said that Jacobs would go far, and the farther away he went, the better. Landing in Mexico City, I hurried to the Sandler Hand Laundry to question Marshal Sandler. His servant told me that Marshal had graduated from the University of Mexico with highest honors in Spanish. The servant went on to tell me that Marshal was staying at a place called Green's in Panama, while preparing for the Pan-American Road Race. I later found out from the police that the Sandler Laundry was a front for a gang of black marketeers and that Marshal had fied to Panama in order to avoid prosecution. The next stop on my list was London. There I found Dick Dickman, the world's champion typist. He was lecturing to a group of bored Oxford freshmen on the history of the typewriter. Asked what he attributed his success to, Dickman replied: I owe it all to carriage return and paper insertion drill. Across the Channel at the Hague, I located two Country Day grads. Justices Webster and Schlussel were presiding over an important session of the International Court of Justice. The case before the court dealt with a shipment of obscene literature consigned to the Silver Shack in Detroit. This literature had been confiscated by Customs' officials. Before handing down a decision, both judges decided that they should personally study the questioned books. Days later Justice Webster returned to announce that his study was not yet completed and also that Justice Schlussel had ordered the court adjourned until next year. It was from a retired English teacher that I learned the whereabouts of Bill McCoy. With a bottle of wine in one hand and a street map in the other hand, the ex-teacher led me thru the alleys of Paris shouting, Vive la France, Boy! and, On to Columbia! We finally reached the office of the noted psychiatrist Dr. Wofgang McCoy, B.S. and F.S. Instructing me to lie down on his couch, Dr. McCoy told me that I was crazy and that my sore feet were obviously due to a childhood frustration. He then presented me with a bill for one hundred dollars. As I paid him, I made a mental note to report him to the AMA and the Better Business Bureau.

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ROBERT TRICE WEBSTER ACTIVITIES Football 2, 3 Captain 4 Basketball 3, 4 Track 2, 3 Golf 4 Dramatics 1, 2, 3 Prefect 4 Honor Society 4 D-Club 3, 4 Class Officer 1, 2, 3 l an Probably Bob's two most significant achievements in the student life at Country Day are athletics and dramatics. In football, Bob has been a stellar performer, holding down a position as a regular since his sophomore year. He was twice selected by the Detroit Times for the tackle slot of the all-star team for our league. His ability and judgement on the field were recognized by his team-mates who selected him as one of their co-captains for the past season. Bob has held an important role in every school play since his freshman year. Last year his efforts were excellent enough to win for him the dramatic award. Although Bob rhas not been a member of the Honor Society, he has been an occasional visitor and his scholarship is commendable. This is not only our opinion, but also that of the University of Michigan, where Bob will start in pre-law in September. Needless to say, we think he'll do well. 4:30 p.m. Chief electrician , ,

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From Paris my investigation took me to Algeria, the home of the French Foreign Legion. I was met at the airport by General Bowden, the legion commander. Bowden told me that his men were hunting for a renegade Latin instructor who was wandering in the desert selling 'fire water' to the Arabs. Sighting a cloud of dust to the east, General Bowden bumed off in his Corvette. Hoping that the fugitive from Cicero would be captured, I boarded my plane for the long flight to Capetown, South Africa. As we flew over the endless desert, an Arab in the opposite seat told me the story of Dr. Pete Brownell. It seems that Dr. Brownell had left the United States Coast Guard because he got too cold standing on the poop deck. Pete left the States and migrated to the little oil kingdom of Kuwait where it was never cold. The Arab went on to say that Dr. Brownell was earning a living by doing OB work for the King of Kuwait who had a harem of seventy-five wives. Arriving at Capetown, I set out to locate Norman Lippitt. Finally I found Lippitt at his club. Norm told me that he had made his fortune as a diamond merchant and that he had played professional football in his spare time. Norm also told me that he was about to embark on his eighteenth journey into the wilds of Africa in search of the legendary 'Buffalo Betty'. Leaving Norm to his own pursuits, I left Capetown and headed toward Calcutta, India. In a crowded Calcutta bazaar I found Bill VanderKloot. With a slide rule in hand, Bill told the natives that in preparation for the College Boards, he discovered that the world would come to an end in 476 x 105 years. Armed with this fact Bill exhorted the gathered multitude to save their souls as time was fast running out. From a devotee I learned that Bill had failed to prove that a single span bridge could be put across the Atlantic Ocean. Giving up engineer- ing, he drifted from job to job until he decided to become a preacher. Now he was trying to convert the world. I put my shoes back on and left the gathering. The last name on my list was Alan Bethune. I searched for many months until I located Alan. When I found him, I was shockedg for I found this gaunt, young man hunched over his desk in the math room at Country Day working out six place logarithmic divisions. Faith- ful Al was still there solving problems and waiting for a man who would never return. Little did Alan know that Mr. Ramsden had been stoned to death by an angry mob of Advanced Algebra students. I didn't have the heart to tell Bethune the truth. I suppose that he will sit in that class room until the end of time. Dk HF wk Pk That ends Bagley's report. Bagley was so affected by the sight of Bethune that he suffered a complete mental breakdown and is now in an institution. The final version of this report has been prepared by my office. Lawrence S. Fallis 2nd Assistant to the Assistant Undersecretary Department of justice Federal Bureau of Investigation