Des Moines College - Tiger Yearbook (Des Moines, IA)

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is -m Q '3 1 . ' ,. 259.-n. NE if if-gl. . RUSSELL ROSS Brother Ross, come in, seat yourself in the cement upholstered rocker. The rubber fingernail file is yours. You are, without doubt, the most popular man in the University. You have, by dint of hard talking and much handshaking, earned yourself a place on the much famed Morale Committee. Let us quietly give a hearty cheer. Now that you have joined heartily in your own applause, one more thing I wish to vouchsafe. You have bewailed the fact while on the cinder path you, although the best looking distance man on the squad, was never given a chance to prove it to the world. Tough, brother, tough. No chance to prove that you shook a Wicked spike and bent a squeaky knee. But take heart, Brother Ross, the grass is again green and the Hies still swarm at Toby's. Cover your ambitions with mothballs or you will fall by the wayside. Smile as you go along, and eat your peas with a penknife. Good day. p P. S. For the sake of the missionary field we hope you get your letter, Russ, Qld Fish. JACK MUN ROE Bring out the long black box with the nickle handles, the harbinger of death is coming. Take your time, though, he's ten yards away, so he Won't be here for at least a half hour. This is the snail that started the Daylight Saving Plan so he could get home before time to go to work again. Jack is the original January Kara When he shaves he always has a full beard on the first side before the job is completed. He makes out his schedule an hour fast so he'll get to class in time for the assignment. He started in to take Chemistry but as the class came at 11:45 A. M., he had to drop the course. He has never been known to order his breakfast from anything but a dinner menu, and believes that old saying that the early fowl collecteth the caterpillar, but who likes worms, anyhow. IIIIllIIIIIlIlllllIlIlllllllllllllllllllIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllIlllllllllIllllllllllllllllIIllllIIllIIllllIllIII!I!IllIlIlIl!IIl1IIl 204 lIIIlI!IIllIlIIIIlIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIlIIIIiIIIiIiIIIIIIIIIIllIiIllIIIilIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIIllIIIIIIIllIIIIIIIIIllIIIllllllllllllllllllllll

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. 'L .X L I V , RUTH GARBER When Ruth Garber, the famous contralto, was led into existence, a new era for the bulging heads began. The day she signed up at D. M. U. all the supporters of Drake breathed a sigh of relief and offered thanks to the Almighty. She had not been here long when a great thing entered her being and rose to her cerebrum, which immediately began to swell. One morning while yelling to her ma to Hap another wheatcake, she got the im- pression that she could sing, even as the meadow lark warbleth. At this she sold her old hat and got a new one several times larger. Shortly she appeared in public where she lifted her larynx to the big dipper and trilled a measure. She was pronounced a find and was awarded several impres- sive compliments. Time passed and the public, ever patient, was burdened many times with her vibrating vocal cords, always giving a liberal donation, and those who remained seated found great comfort in being able to' control theirimpulses. ' But to the point, this little paragraph was merely a foreword. What we want to say is this: Dear, patient sufferers, your day of torment is nearly over, she is scheduled to graduate this spring. Let us hope that no irregu- larities occur. JOHN L. SHRIVER Stand with bowed head, dear reader, for the day of a great hero has passed. The impregnable has fallen, the knight has been unhorsed. Get out the old red Bandana, brethren, and shed a tear in his behalf, for we must admit, he went strong until he met this woman. Little did Bruno know as the News Ford sped toward Altoona that it was the night appointed for his first defeat. Little did he guess that he, Bruno, the undefeated, who had boasted that he always kissed them the first night, was to lose his title that very evening to a thatch of red hair. But as Napoleon met his Water- loo, so Johnny fell, and great was the fall thereof, but take heart, Jack, better men than you have fallen before a pair of red curls. lllllllllIHIllllllIlllIIIIIIlllIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIIIIIilllIIIIllIlllIIIIIIllIllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllIIIIllllllIIIIIIIIIllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 203 IIIIllIlIIIIIIlillllllIllIIllllIIIINllllllllIIllIIIIllIIIIIIIIIIIllIIllHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllIIIINIIllIIIIIllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

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H. : X . ' I I A' '. R A f fm 2 , QQ , 7,Qg2, WILLIAM POAGE Hark, people! We have in our midst this year one who bothers us even as the flies bother the old cow at milking time. It seems that last September, in some village not far distant, the taown cut-up packed his near-leather suitcase and set out to show the world how awfully funny he was. This very clever cuss landed finally at the college on the hill and started in to make himself the school comedian. His jokes brought up old memories rather than smiles, and it was not long before the whole campus was in tears. This encouragedhim, he bought a pair of trick spectacles and as- sumed a codfish smile. The tear glands still worked o-vertime but now they secreted tears of sympathy. The students would willingly have wiped their eyes in silence, rather than hurt his feelings, but the faculty noticed that the salt water was ruining the grass, so they ruled that attempts at entertainment, on the part of this funny chap, should be confined to his room. They were given a hearty vote of thanks. FOSTER Here, dear friends, we have the great exponent of such daring and sup- posedly funny snappy sayings and phrases as Hey, -- nine, ten, eleven, Hah, Hahw! Whenever you hear this side-splitting crack being pulledoff on our fair green you may know that this tick-foul has just wafted into your line of hearing. From that time on you may expect to commence hearing wild and woolly stories about that last time we were at the Savery, and then I gipped the taxi driver out of two-bits and beat it for home, and other equally thrilly and hair-raising escapes and escapades. To hear him tell it, and all you have to do to hear him do so, is to be within half a block of him at any time during the day or night, you would think he had dated with every girl on the campus, except, of course as he would aptly phrase it, the dumbbellsf' In a bunch of ten girls he can dis- cover nine beauties, and as the telling goes on they become prettier and prettier, and the one that he is finally able to date is: the queen, ask him, but ask him today for tomorrow it will be a different one. If we were of that low class that squanders their earthly goods by so doing, we would wager that some day this hot liner is going to run into his equal in the toreador line in the opposite sex and when he does, well, home was ever like this, and all we have to say is that it'll be tough, boy, tough. But do not be downhearted, Brother, there are daisies under the sward and brooklets in the dell. HIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllllNIIIIIUIIIIIIlllllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIllIIIllllllllllllllllllllllIlllllll 205 ilIIllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIliIIIIIIIIIIIIIillIIllIllllllllllilllllllllllIIIIISIS .