Des Moines College - Tiger Yearbook (Des Moines, IA)

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a xr .lf I i'-1522 QI. 1, 2 I A 4. I 'ma , BILL ALLEN Attention : ' I, William Allen, am about to speak, and when I talk the moon and stars should come out to listen. I am by far the most important man on this campus. If you do not believe this statement, just ask me. I am the original slick haired bearcat with the women. They fall for my line like the horse falls for the horseradish. I, also, am a first class debater. I have been told this several times, by myself., I, alone, am glad that I am to be in this school several more years, and I recommend myself very highly for any position on the campus in which my great intellect will be beneficial. You are free to go now, kind listeners. CONWAY RHYNE Hail the king. You know him, sure you do. Rhyne, the almighty. His head is all out of proportion to the rest of his body. Surely you have heard of our Irish. He is the self-acknowledged big man of the University, and his friends are innumerable among the ignorant and deluded people on the campus. Surely none of you will allow yourselves to be classed with the ignorant. Therefore, Rhyne has no friends. But he should worry. Is he not a great football star and has he not the favor of Mrs. Boyd, his Spanish professor? Bow down, you worms of the dust, to this self-crowned mon- arch. Conceit is among us. God save the KING. IllllIIlIIIIIlIIllIlllllllIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIllllllllllIIllHIIIIIIIIIllIIIIllIIHIIlllllllllllllllIIIlIIIIIIIIIl!IIIIIIliIIl!IIIIlIl 202 UIIII!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIlIIIIIlllllllIIIIllllIIIIllllIINllIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIllllIIIIIIllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

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,gm it E 1 I tif PAUL I-IAINES ' Grapefruit and fresh cream make a good combination, don't they? Well, there's one guy on this campus who acts like he was made out of some such combination. Sour, w-o-o--o-W, ten day milk would be sweet compared with this bird. He admits that he doesn't give two Whoops in any place for anybody but HAINES! ' Folks, he's so hard and sour that a steel mallet wouldn't even make him blink. At times he's afraid to be left alone in a dark room for fear he'll commit assault and battery on himself. It is rumored that night prowlers think him a real, every-day, democratic chap, though, because he never fails to speak to the hashers and chambermaids. So don't feel bad, folks, when he doesn't speak to youg he's probably just holding himself back so he won't- hit you. All we hope is that he don't see this article before it gets to print. If he does you'll all know who wrote this stuff because his physiognomy will probably look like a fresh piece of tenderloin. RIDER-PAUL UNION Boy, bring me the large blue time-table with the yellow' handle. VVhen the sap comes up in the maple tree and the heart comes up in the mouth, then spring and love is among us. What bountious powers has love. Who weens when the germ of love may enter the pierced heart and travel through the vibrant body? Between the years of sixteen and sixty, a king may live and pass away, and an order be served in a cafe. But, even as it may, Tom, I send you all the joy I have in my heart, and may you always treat her as a daughter, and never strike her except in self-defense. And you, Viola, be good to Tom, cook his meat on both sides and don't lose your temper. God bless you and-help you. ill!IlilIIliIlllIIllIIIIllllIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllllllHIINlIlllllilllIIIIIHIIIIIHIIII!!IIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIilllllllIIIIIIIIllllllillllllllllll 201 IlIlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllIIllIIIlllIlllIlllIIIIIlIIIIlllillIIIIIIIINllIIIIIlllllIIIIIIllIIIINIllIIllIIIIlllIllIllIIlllllllllllllillllllllll

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. 'L .X L I V , RUTH GARBER When Ruth Garber, the famous contralto, was led into existence, a new era for the bulging heads began. The day she signed up at D. M. U. all the supporters of Drake breathed a sigh of relief and offered thanks to the Almighty. She had not been here long when a great thing entered her being and rose to her cerebrum, which immediately began to swell. One morning while yelling to her ma to Hap another wheatcake, she got the im- pression that she could sing, even as the meadow lark warbleth. At this she sold her old hat and got a new one several times larger. Shortly she appeared in public where she lifted her larynx to the big dipper and trilled a measure. She was pronounced a find and was awarded several impres- sive compliments. Time passed and the public, ever patient, was burdened many times with her vibrating vocal cords, always giving a liberal donation, and those who remained seated found great comfort in being able to' control theirimpulses. ' But to the point, this little paragraph was merely a foreword. What we want to say is this: Dear, patient sufferers, your day of torment is nearly over, she is scheduled to graduate this spring. Let us hope that no irregu- larities occur. JOHN L. SHRIVER Stand with bowed head, dear reader, for the day of a great hero has passed. The impregnable has fallen, the knight has been unhorsed. Get out the old red Bandana, brethren, and shed a tear in his behalf, for we must admit, he went strong until he met this woman. Little did Bruno know as the News Ford sped toward Altoona that it was the night appointed for his first defeat. Little did he guess that he, Bruno, the undefeated, who had boasted that he always kissed them the first night, was to lose his title that very evening to a thatch of red hair. But as Napoleon met his Water- loo, so Johnny fell, and great was the fall thereof, but take heart, Jack, better men than you have fallen before a pair of red curls. lllllllllIHIllllllIlllIIIIIIlllIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIIIIIilllIIIIllIlllIIIIIIllIllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllIIIIllllllIIIIIIIIIllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 203 IIIIllIlIIIIIIlillllllIllIIllllIIIINllllllllIIllIIIIllIIIIIIIIIIIllIIllHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllIIIINIIllIIIIIllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT