Denison University - Adytum Yearbook (Granville, OH)

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A book on Ornithology, tucked ' neath his stubby wing, He really looked as though he were prepared for anything. I wondered what his question would pertain to, and I hoped That he would cut it short, for I was feeling bored and doped. Pray tell me, sir, at last he cried, What makes your legs so Ion I ' ve been comparing them with mine and fear there ' s somethii wrong. I ' d really like to know, for I, though not the Prince of Wales, Object to having sidewalks built so close to my coat-tails. I shook my head, and wearily, I signed for him to go. For I was getting tired of this dizzy-headed show. But scarcely had he gone before another took his place. Who said his name was Pan, and asked me how I liked my face. Ten times as well as yours, cried I, quite nettled at his gall, Your stale old Freshman English jokes don ' t make a hit at all. He scratched his goat-like head, in search of some unkind reply But changed his mind and trotted off, with evil in his eye. A pause in the procession ensued, and I took breath And looked to see how many more, for I was bored to death. The Wooden face of Cupid, I saw among the crowd, His bow in hand, of which he seemed inordinately proud. Miss Psyche, through her love for him, his movements seemed check. Her arms she was endeavoring to Winder round his neck. Minerva, absent-minded, and with dislocated wvezth Was picking, with a pen-knife, her pearly, pointed teeth; While near at hand. Old Bachus v as scratching with a pin The lonely place where his hirsute adornment should have been. Cold Juno, with her book of rules I saw, and far away, A band of Wingless Angels I could see engaged in play. But my attention soon was called to something at my side, And as I glanced around my oily optics opened wide. The short-brown-coated, thick-set form of Pluto there appeared. The smell of brimstone emanating from his infant beard. He shook a test-tube in my face, and in an awful tone Of voice he asked me if I knew what was the first unknown. In fear and trembling, I said, No. Then with an awful roar He dashed the test-tube and its contents down upon the floor. The fearful crash half blinded me. I stood with blinking eyes, But whe n my wand ' ring wits returned, imagine my surprise. For I vs as sitting in my seat in chapel, and the noise Which wakened me was clapping hands of college girls and boys. And Jupiter (no, I mean Prex.) was making mental drills. The moral of this tale is this: Take Carter ' s Liver Pills. page twenty-

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I hesitated over it so long that he got vexed, But Jupiter saved me again by loudly calhng, Next. The frovi ning face of Mars appeared, a visage far from sweet, And he was mumbling something of ' a number ' and ' a seat, ' He asked me if I ' d registered, and when I said, Not yet, A blatant bellow burst from him. He said he ' d make me swe ' at. The signal came at last, and as the war god moved away, Still breathing dark anathemas I heard the next one say, How many hours have you got? What ' s your advisor ' s name. I turned my head. Behind me was Apollo ' s stalwart frame. No fair. Two questions. Next! cried Jupe, Step up. It ' s getting late. And with a glare, quite Goody nuf, Apollo pulled his freight. The massive form of Hercules, before me next appeared. His eyes were kept upon the ground, as though he something feared. His red moustache twitched once or twice, and then his voice I heard, In squeaky tones and emphasizing every seventh word. Do you like editors.? said he, Why, yes, I said, I do. He shook his shaggy shapeless head, and answered, I did too. Until I met one who had locks, about the shade of mine. And wore the same hoof covers too, an oxblood number nine. His horns were well developed, and sharp thorns ne ' re bothered him. He butted into Roses, with a smile like Sunny Jim. He sported purple ties and socks; looked sweet enough to kiss But what I hate the lobster for, with bitter hate, is this: One day he ate some ox-tail soup, and that night slept with me. He heaved — But just then Jupiter broke in with Twenty-three. The strong man shouldered manfully, his club, and moved along. The deity who now stepped up, was humming some sweet song. But whether it was Marsellais or only Brother Jack, I could not quite determine, for his tune got off the track. Quite near him was a measly nut, cross-eyed, and almost blind. And when Old Phoebus reached my side, the pup was close behind. The Sun God made a gesture, and irrevalently said: Good evening, sir. Who is this, and what have you on your head? I took the hint, removed my lid, but meanwhile watched the cur, And understanding my alarm, he said, Don ' t fear him, sir. He really is the mildest dog, of which you ever heard; I feed him on ten dollar suits, Mt. Vernon ones preferred. His name is James, and his abnormal appetite, you see Is satisfied quite easily, without expense to me; For every evening in the week, there comes— I ' ll never know Just who it was that came, for time was called. He had to go. At once there waddled up the Mt. Olympus A. D. T. Or better known to people by the name of Mercury. page twenty-three

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