Delta Secondary School - Lampadion Yearbook (Hamilton, Ontario Canada)

Page 107 text:

You there, at the back of the room, who wrote Julius Caesar? Voice: I dunno Teacher: Well then who wrote Tennyson ' s Lady of Shalott? Voice: I dunno • Teacher: This work was to be prepared last night. What were you doing then? Voice: I was out drinking beer with friends. Teacher: You mean y ou have the nerve to say that ? What are you doing in school anyway? Voice: I came here to fix the radiator. One of the failingest men who ever lived was always trying experiments that were unsuccessful. Yet we never think oi Thomas Edison as a failure. Does anyone aboard this submarine know how to pray? I do. Good. You pray. The rest of us will put on escape lungs. We ' re short one. Ad in the local paper: For sale, cheap: my son ' s collection of rock-and- roll records. If a fourteen year old ' s voice answers the phone hang up and call back later. Are you happy in the Army? Yes sir. What were you before you were drafted? Much happier, sir You have given me something to live for .... revenge. Life begins at forty - to tell us what a mess we made of things.

Page 106 text:

Jean: My dates are just pouring in. Joan: So are mine. Drip by drip. A man rushed into a psychiatrist ' s office, tore open a cigarette, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. Wow! said the doctor. I can see you really need me. I sure do, said the man . Have you got a light? Auctioneer: What am I offered for this beautiful bust of Robert Burns? Man in the crowd: That ain ' t Robert Burns, That ' s Shakespeare. Auctioneer: Well, folks, the joke ' s on me. That shows what I know about music. A class was told to write a story with an unexpected ending. The highest grade was given to the one who wrote: Will you marry me? he asked. No, she answered. And they lived happily ever after. You can never tell about men, the sophisticated miss advised her younger sister. Either they ' re so slow you want to scream, or they ' re so fast that you have too. Auctioneer: Sold to the lady with her husband ' s hand over her mouth. I Boyfriend: Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a filet mignon ' Girlfriend: No, I don ' t. Boyfriend: Hey waiter, bring us two hamburgers. The tailor who cuts out the girls ' bathing suits ought to be placed in charge of the government budget. Have you considered acting? like a human being!

Page 108 text:

A man in Florida went to the unemployment office for a job. Can you pick lemons? he was asked. I sure can, he replied, I ' ve been married five times. Sending Americans and Russians to the moon could cause world peace, if only they would send the right people. Three cell mates in a Cuban prison were talking. First: I was accused of being absent from work and I was only late. Second: I came to work early and was accused of being a spy. Third: I came to work on time and they accused me of buying an American watch. Theatre Manager: Orchestra seats are $2.00; Balcony seats, $1.00; and Programs cost a quarter. Customer: Good, I ' ll sit on a program. Daffynitions: Will - a dead giveaway Can I borrow your pen? Certainly. Got a sheet of writing paper I can use? Help yourself. Will you be going past the post office when you go out? Yep. ' Wait till I finish my letter, will you? All right. Want to lend me a stamp? Okay. By the way, what ' s your girlfriend ' s address? Doreen over the P.A.: Mr. Burville, will you please send Lew Davies to the Nurses ' s office? Mr. Burville: I can ' t, he ' s sick. Roses are red, Violets are blue, Orchids are $6.00. Will dandelions do? Teacher: What ' s the chief use of cowhide? Diane B.: It keeps the cow together, sir.