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Page 104 text:
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LI ? rr urn our . Two heads are thicker than one. Executive: A man who travels from his air-conditioned office in an air-conditioned car to his air-con- ditioned club to take a steam bath. HALITOSIS IS BETTER THAN NO BREATH AT ALL A nickel goes so far these days that you can carry it around in your pocket for weeks before finding something you can do with it. First Mental Case: What ' s red and dingle-dangles from the ceiling? Second Mental Case: I dunno, what? First Mental: A red dingle-dangle. Now what is yellow and dingle-dangles from the ceiling? Second Mental: A yellow dingle-dangle? First Mental: No, you nut, they don ' t come in yellow. Teacher: If a number of cattle is called a herd, what would a number of camels be called? Student: A carton. NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES: j It has come to our attention that employees have been dying on the job an d either refusing or neglecting 1 to fall over. This practice must stop. Any employee found dead on the job, whether in an upright or prone position will immediately be dropped from the payroll. (Sign in office, above time clock.) I I could write a book about you . . . The Care and Feeding of Slobs!
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Page 105 text:
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The drunk who was pulled into the police station, was indignant. What I want to know, he queried, is what I was brought in for? You were brought in for drinking, said the sergeant. Well, that ' s different, said the drunk. When do we get started? A lawyer got a frantic wire from one of his clients . I ' m in prison, said the wire. They ' ve shaved my head, cut a slit in my trouser leg and rolled up my sleeves. Please advise. Don ' t sit down, the lawyer wired back. Boy: I ' m looking for a pretty girl. Girl: Well I ' m here. Boy: Great, you can help me look. Mr. Cunningham: Savchuk, what ' s the name of this liquid? Savchuk: Gee sir, it ' s right on the tip of my tongue. Mr. Cunningham: Well you ' d better get it off; it ' s sulfuric acid. Warden to a prisoner in the electric chair: Is there anything I can do? ' Prisoner: Yeh, hold my hand. Mr. Ward: Why did you take up piano? Barry: My glass kept falling off my sax. English Teacher: I have come to bury Caesar. Not to praise him. Pupil: Shut up and keep digging. John S. Did I meet you in South Hampton? Murray D. No, I never was to South Hampton. John Neither was I. It must have been two other fellows. Prosecutor: Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow Defendant: I didn ' t want to wake the children.
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