Delphi High School - Oracle Yearbook (Delphi, IN)

Page 29 text:

supposed to be. No one knew so the entire affair was cubbyholed, and thus a great national question came to a happy solution after more than a decade of strenuous existence. Glae Clawson, the noted actor, has gained national renown. He is play- ing the 'LHeavy in Shakespoke's latest success, A Mid XYinter Night's Scream. Glae's advice to young men is, 'lStay away from the stage, boys --cold storage eggs are growing worse every year. Mrs. Ammerman, formerly Miss Helen Arnott, is at.present engaged in missionary work in northern China. She has made a record of 14,000 converts in one year. Her method is very simple-at the point of the bayonet hel husband forces the natives to either eat the biscuits that she bakes or become Christians. Naturally, the heathens consider a live Christian to be far better than a dead inlidel, so her ranks are ever increasing. Rev. Austin of Chicago, delivered an address before the Ladies' Aid Society last Thursday. He took as his subject, The Unscrupulous Dealings in our island possessionsfi The following statement which he made has caused considerable discussion among the members of the society: The political grafters no sooner land on an uninhabited South Sea island than they have their hands in the pockets of the naked savages. Paul Calvert is traveling for a refrigerator company in northern Green- land. Mr. and Mrs. L. Raider, the latter who was formerly Miss june Casley, are visiting friends in Honolulu. Mrs. Raider is said to posses the largest in- dividual collection of hundred dollar gold pieces in the world. She explains by saying that her husband gives her one every time he kisses her. She is also known to possess a large collection of two hundred dollar gold pieces. lfvidently there are other men more generous than Mr. Raider. Prof. C. XV. Baum, the noted scientist, has at last perfected a process whereby water may be hung on a line to dry. It will be remembered that he was also the inventor of a process whereby the energy developed by girls chewing gum is utilized. Successful experiments were conducted in the Delphi High School, which resulted in the establishment of a large power plant to supply electricity for the county. f'Kelso-Baumide is by far his greatest discovery. Bitler Armstrong has made a fortune selling melted ice. At present he resides in l'hiladelphia, but expects to leave soon. He says that he never remains long in one place as it is not safe to become too well known by the police authorities. Miss lfsther Baum has returned from Central America where she has been selling overcoats and fur goods. Miss Rosa Beard and Mr. lleeza Liar were united in marriage at the home of the bride last Sunday. lt was originally intended that the bridels father should give her away, but her little brother beat him to it. The firm of Coomey K Ginn went into bankruptcy last week. Mr. Ginn claims that lfiddie smoked up all the profits. Earl will retire shortly as his new book How To Bluff lt Thru Latin has brought him a small fortune. Miss Eva Chapman, who married Mr. Citt T. Guy of Chicago, is suing for divorce on the grounds that her husband objects to her eating onions. Josephine Clawson will go to Mars next week in order to secure some new ideas for her millinery establishment. The Society of Persecuted Hus- bands has filed a protest but she remains firm. Lawrence Margowski has achieved the distinction of being the first man '1'vvEN'1'Y NINE Z

Page 28 text:

CLASS PROPHESY tBeing an extract from the diary of a one QUITTUIR S-llUYliN.j FQ August 14, 1933. -Homeward bo-und at last. Back to the planet of gravitation and boiled cabbage. How sick and tired I am of Mars and all its mystical monstrosities. I was told that I would enjoy the novelty of a Martian existence, and-well. perhaps some do enjoy it, but my circulation never seemed to readjust itself. Consequently I suffered much inconvenience during the three years I spent there. You who have made this interplanetary journey and have experienced the entire absence of gravitation and other numerous earthly essentials, can realize why I gave up a million dollar position in Mars and made tracks for the little old U.S.A. It is now about 7 l'. M. Standard Solar Time, and our high speed Ether- plane has covered several million kilometers since noon. Mars is fast re- ceding in the distance and already the earth is assuming its continental outlines. These interplanetary journeys have ceased to interest my scientific nature, so I will retire to dream of little old Delphi from which I have been separated for so long. Must not forget to adjust the counter-weights on my revolving berth or I will receive a bad fall when we reach the zone of regravi- tation. August 15. This has been a wonderful day indeed. It makes me feel like a boy again to learn of my old classmates after all these years and-but I am getting ahead of my story. Time hung heavily on my hands this morning, so I amused myself by ex- ploring the depths of an old trunk. which I have been carrying around for years. Imagine my surprise and joy when I came across a copy of the 1920 Q RACLIC. Q boy! During the next few hours I lived over again those good old school days. VX'hile at dinner an idea struck me, the possibilities of which made me wonder why I had never thought of it before. It occurred to me that I would consult the spirit world and find out about my old class- mates. So I hunted up a reliable Medium, who soon connected me with Sol- troso, my patron spirit. After learning of my request he was silent for a few minutes, and then, thru the lips of the Medium, he told me the following: W'illard Cartwright is at present constructing a large shipyard in the central part of the Sahara desert. XVe always thought he had a dry sense of humor. Mary Anderson has returned to Delphi and is making a specialty of sell- ing diamond rings. She says it is a very engaging business. Charles IVood has at last lowered his colors and surrendered to the fair sex, the intended being Miss Teerious of Swampdunkk, Arkansas. Maude Schenck, who for the last ten years has been endeavoring to solve the problem of f'How to be happy tho married, has linally given up the arduous undertaking, and is at present taking a rest cure in a prominent Logansport institution. The debate in Congress over the League of Nations has Hnally come to a close.Congressman Raider, of Indiana, was instrumental in bringing this about. During a heated argument between two other Congressmen, he arose and requested that someone explain what the League of Nations was TXVENTY EIGHT

Page 30 text:

to ascend to l'ike's l'eak on a Kiddie Karr. Now that he has got this dis- tinction he wants to know what he is going to do with it. Margaret Darragh will leave for Massachusetts next week to accept a position as l'rof. of Bugology in Harvard University. She has been studying the contents of breakfast foods for the last several years and so feels well qualified to hll this important position. The Metropolitan Opera of New York is featuring Madame Helena Dia- lette this season. Her role is that of an Egyptian toe dancer. Madame Dialette, it will be remembered, is the author of the .famous book, 'lEat and Grow Thinf, Dwight Lesh, who lost his reason over a love affair several years ago, and who has been at large for the last six months, has been found and re- moved to a local institution. He has been investigating every sailing vessel on the Atlantic coast trying to find eggs in the f'Crow's Nestf, Mary Dissinger has been arrested in New York for flirting. The object of her advances was said to be a Chinese coolie lately arrived from Honkong. She is charged with hunting out of season as this is not Leap Year. Gladys Draper, who has been teaching school in Burroughs for the last several years, has accepted a position as stenographer in the Upp K Attem Prune Co. of Colburn. VX7ilbur Hall, atheletic instructor of XVabash college, is training to meet Ohowa Sluggem, the world's champion prize fighter. The match will take place next week. XYilbur will leave a wife and ten children. Fern Ferling has opened a beauty parlor on Broadway, New York. Her complexions are guaranteed not to run, fade, or rub off. Mabel Sites has writ- ten a testimonial to the effect that out of three hundred and fifty gentlemenls coats, on which she conducted her experiments, there was not a single in- tance in which they failed to weather the storm. XYilliam McCormick, superintendent of the Douisville Sunday School Association. has launched a campaign against the Tiddlewinks and Lotto evil. Last year he was a leading figure in the campaign for the prohibition of kiss- ing and Sen Sen. Aetna Gee has opened a correspondence school of stenography in XVil- mington, l'enn. She teaches the Hunt 8 Peck system of typewriting. Sam Perlman is traveling in Patagonia for the Pull N Grunt corset manu- facturing company, of Boston. In a letter to his wife, he says that the ves- sel on which he sailed got lost because they could not find which way their course set. However, since he got his new position he is always stringing someone. so we don't believe him. XVe donit think he will stay either, as he is liable to get hooked up by the natives. 'I Mrs. Gab,b N. Cessantly, formerly Miss Florence Pratt, got into-ian ar- gument with her husband last week and broke her jaw. Mr. Ceshsantlyg looks ten years younger since the accident. ' Basil Myers, a ticket puncher for the liarth, Mars CQ Jupiter Etherplane Co., has been arrested for punching a gentleman's nose. Said gentleman, so he states, asked if he could cash a check at a cloudbank so he hit him while he was still happy. Prof. M. Michael, a chemist in the Smithsonian Research Labratories, has exploded a bombshell in chemical circles by proving limberger cheese to be an element. He is still in a serious condition as a result of being gassed while conducting his experiments. Marie Griffith, the great naturalist, has announced her discovery of the Purple Sicilian Frog Nest. Among her other recent discoveries are The THIRTY