Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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The CLEANER Last Will and Testament of the Class of Nineteen Twentyfseven DAY'ID BRAN DT 1'I,'l he Class of 19Q7, of the National Farm School, of the county of Bucks, of the state of Pennsylvania. of the United States of America, being noble products of this grand institution, wish to diffuse and disseminate some of our effervescent knowledge which we have procured at this great fountain of learning. Forced by the great possibilities and responsibilities of our infinite knowledge, We have a word of warning to those who follow in our noble and benign footsteps. Now is the time to consider the civilization and cultivation of the Echinococcus Polymerfus. and such institutions. Thus we in sane mind and body do hereby bestow in this, our last will and testa- ment, our attained resources and acquirements to our benevolent heirs, the Class of 1928. To the Board of Directors, we leave the school, partly as we found it, and in parts as you will find it-maybe. To the Dean, weleave a ream of paper to post notices with, and Al Silver's newly abridged latest volumes on Farm Economics entitled, VVhy Farming Doesn't Pay. 'l'o our most noble Coach, Teacher, Governor, and Alumnus, Samuel George, B.Z.X. Samuels, we leave a rod to help him push things through, and a pair of spec- tacles to help him see what he can do for us. To the one and only Mr. Otto A. Stangel, H.B.B., we leave a set of overhead valves to speed up his gas chariot in making his daily morning detail rounds to all thc farms. ' To Mr. 1 'ampbell, we bequeath a correspondence course in the buying of whole- sale rnerchanrlise-cheap. 'l'o Mr. Mayer. LG., we will a pair of imported English Golf Socks to match his famous knickers. 'fo Mr. lieisser, we leave a gilt-edged frame with his proverb engraved. Gets the idea. ' 'o Mr. l'lain, ffl we bequeath a guaranteed new llarmon Sedan, without an engine, to bc replaced by his high powered Ford engine. 'fo Nlr. tirornan we donate a set of tools that are rubber edged to prevent any injury to tools. machinery, or students. ' 'o Klr. l'urnicll, wc will a golden stop watch to time his live-minute jobs. 'do llr. hl:1ssillgel'. lt.l'.. we leave a golden spittoon and ten packs of Beech Nut 'not clu-wing gurnt and a lIIitIllf'llFlll,Lf set. ' 'o Nlr. Nlclvown. we will an autolnatic sprinklcre to keep the fellows awake in his class. 'i 'o Nlr. Sf'lllIlf'lflt'l'. l5.K., we give thc book of knowledge in blank to be filled out. ' 'o Nliss fifths, wc will a recently patented machine which will automatically sort thc laundry. -:gl 26 lif-

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The CLEANER Supt. of all farms. Immediately I telephoned to Phila., New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, Boston and Florida, and I also wired to California. All responded to the call. First came Levin and Litwin, great shippers of the West Philadelphia. Then came Semel wl1o had just been promoted from a vender to a train conductor on the P. R. R. Rosenthal had invented a patent process for bridgework for the tooth- less, and was reaping in profits. He had also gotten a big lzafnd when he left the Ritz after an oration, for which he is famous. Brandt owned tl1e biggest Optical Corp. in Phila. He specializes in peepers glasses. lVIiller had astounded the Dog Show world by introducing a new breed called the Bullipaups. Silver was the Czar of Strawberry Maiision, and was the coming politician of the country. Kahn had succeeded Rabbi Wise, who had just retired, and was acclaimed as the coming Rabbi of the age. Wolfson,s duck farm was a quacking success, and he also was the famous author of How to Raise Ducks, Though Mar1'ied.', Ecksteinis only worry about his wonderful greenhouses, was that on the north, a stonels throw away, was the rock quarry, on the west, a penitentiaryg on the south blasting was going on, and on the east the ocean tide was coming higher and higher. Goldberg's barber shop was doing good business with Weinberg as a steady customer. Hardiman runs the famous Ukulele Shoppe on Market Street, and many a uke he forces on the public. Then came the boys from further out, viz: P. Weiss, who conducted the Moon's Syncopated Orphanic Brass Band of New Jersey. Wechsler was president of the U. S. Double Stitched, Outseam, Inseam, Triple Welded, Ironbound, Buttonless Underwear, Inc.-guaranteed not to wear or turn to wool. Schiff had bought the Hart, Schaffner and Marx, Palm Beach and Goldbergs of Doyles City. Bachman came over with his New Jersey Freshman Wonders to have a game with the Varsity. He has refused bids to coach Princeton, Illinois, Penn and West Point. Of course, the Wonders beat the varsity by a large score. We repaired to LaskerHall, where a bountiful dinner and flowing speech awaited us. In the midst of the carving of the delicious duck, Sam Price of the U. S. Dept. of Engineers in Landscape, arrived. To him goes the honor and everlasting fame for the wonderful work of landscaping in Pennsylvania. Bill Powell, who had amassed a fortune in the New Klondike of Florida, also arrived. A special telegram from Bobby Holloway, of California, was received by Dean Cohn. The missive announced the author,s speedy arrival by a special plane. After a day of glorious fun we were escorted by Iiieut. General Jules Friefeld's New York regulars to Philadelphia and thence to New York. At the Ritz-Carlton we terminated our meeting with a wonderful dinner and speech. After promises of a reunion in the near future we left for our various homes. S... 3 S.. -al 25 Ir'

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The CLEANER To Miss Churchman, we assign a squad of freshmen with baseball bats to maintain order and silence in the library. I, Leo Schwartz, alias Gravy, do hereby bequeath my hysterical laugh to Ovsani- kow, to use at parties and funerals. I, Levin, alias Pres. Coolidge, will my moustache to Carl Green in the hope that it might add to his masculinity. I, Freifeld, alias Bulldog, bequeath my physiognomy tolNerlinger to keep and to show. I, D. Brandt, alias Zex, willl my head to Andy Blumer, to crow and to cackle with, on condition that he always wears it. . I, Ira Weclisler, alias Doc, will my two-piece underwear to Maltz. and the com- bination with it, as to how to put it on and take it off. I, J. Weinberg, alias Riff, will my next year's issue and all my private books on muscle building to Z. P. Dornbusch, hoping this will make him an equal of his ancient enemy, Earl Leiderman. I, P. Weiss, alias lVIoony, will be eyebrows and ten volumes on the cultivation of hair growing to Baldy Cowen-Baldy, see if you can raise a crop. I, A. Posner, alias Poz, naturalist of the Class of '27, leave to Yankowitz my ability to trap, and to the rest, my plea to continue the work I began by exterminating the skunks and muskrats of Bucks County. I, VV. VVolfson, alias Collegiate Billy, leave my secrets on how to lure the women. T Seal affixed this QQd day of February, Signed: Sox Hepil nineteen hundred and twenty-seven, Lit L. Greek exactly seven years after the begin- Rum Pot ning of women,s suffrage. I-I. B. B. C. C. ' Grab D. Gelt VALEDICTORY CC01zt1'nued from page 65 You have given of your time and thought to promoting this school. You have showed us that the making of money is not the sole aim in life which makes for permanent happiness. This school stands as a monument to your interests in youth, especially city youth, and to humanity at large. To the Faculty we turn in closing. You have taught us more than the science of agriculture. Wle will not long remember the theory of the classroom, but we will remember the hours of association we have had with you. You have taught us how to appreciate the work and beauty of nature. After all is not that the greatest accom- plishment for any teacher? The pleasant hours of association spent with you, Fellow Students, will dwell long in our minds, and will be a constant stimulus to lead true, wholesome and honor- able lives. Farewell. --QI 27 IF-'