Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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I THE GLEANER v 23 I left Halpern when I receiv- ed an important letter from the War Department at Washin- ton. When my busines had been attended to at the department, I took a stroll through the Capi- toy. In a business section down- town, on o11e of the corners, I was attracted by a thin-looking and aged man, who was sitting on a box, singing, or rather how- ling at the top of his voice, and playing an accordion. He w'ore a pair of dark eyeglasses and from his neck was suspended a sign Help the Blind . Beside him. was a cup to receive the contributions. I approached him and dropped a coin into the cup. Thinking fthat he was perhaps a victim of the Great War I questioned him about his blindness. This question drew from him a long, sad tale concerning his misfortune. In the midst of his discourse he uddenly jumped up and cried out, I'll be h-h-hanged if t-t-this ain't Cutey! I c-c-c-could recognize you even if you had b-b-both arms off. I was as- tonished that this imposter was none other than Dolly Sherman. He then proceeded to tell me the story of his life. He had four wives, all of whom had left him on acount of his singing. Poor fools, said he. T-t-they could not appreciate g-g-g-good music. Knowing him of old, my sympathies lay with his run- away wives. Well, he contin- ued, as I had no one to support me, I had to resort to this scheme. I haven't had a square meal in a d-d-dog's age. See- ing that he was about to col- lapse, I hurriedly packed his paraphernalia and pulled him to the nearest saloon. As we ap- proached the bar, my eye was attracted by a huge sign read- mg: FREE MUSH AND SPUDS WITH EVERY DRINK Still wondering, I turned to the bartender and asked him what sort of a drink he had. All kinds, from those as weak as whiskey to those as strong as N. E. S. TEA. This remark strengthened my suspicion that the bartender was a Farm School man. I asked him his name and was overjoyed to learn that he was John B. McCool. I knew that there was only one original home for that combination of mush and spuds. After discuss- ing some ancient history, we separated. On returning to New York the next day, I made my way to the Hotel Morebills. As I was passing through the Bowery, I felt a vigorous tug at my arm. Mishter! Mishter! I vant to see you for vun minute ,vill you? The man was short and stout, wearin g thread-bare, shab- by clothes, and the appearance of his face would evidently have beneiitted by a grealter intimacy with a razor. He half pushed and pulled me into a store, with his arm around my waist. When we entered, he began to dilate on the supremacy of his wearing apparel and assured

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22 THE GLEANER hours, without a stop. His topic was The Uselessness of Ser- mons in General and Mine in Particular? That evening he accompanied me to the University Auditor- ium, and after I had delivered my lecture we arranged for our night's rest at the club house. We had been asleep but a few hours, when I awoke with a start. I felt conscious of a stranger's presence and soon noticed a flashlight being played on all parts of the room. Fear- ing to wake Halpern, for that mfight give the alarm to the intruder, I let him snore on. I saw him take a wallet from Hal- pern's breeches and come over to my clothes. It was fortu- nate that I had brought along a trench-weapon for demonstra- tion at my lecture. We had used it in hand-to-hand conflicts in the trenches. It was pattern- ed after a rattlesnake - noise- less, powerful, forming a coil that enstrangled its victim and left him powerless to move. When I discharged it, muffled groans and curses issued from the burglar's lips. I could hear him struggling desparately. I turned on the lights, and had it not been for the pitiful look on the burglar's face peering from the mesh and the gravity of the '-mfion, I would have burst in- to laughterg for there was Hal- pern, kneeling in bed with low- ered head and offering deep and fervent prayers to the Almighty for the deliverance of his soul. However, he soon realized the situation and assisted me in freeing the victim from his en- tanglements. The burglar was heavily bearded. his face w'as drawn and his dark eyes were sunken far into their sockets. Halpern soon became master of the situation. He lay one hand on the shaggy head and lifted the other to heaven and bade our Merciful Father have com- passion on this unfortunate being. In the confession that we drew from the man, we learned that he was a fugitive and a deserter from the navy. Employment was unobtainable and he had a wife and child to support. This necessity had driven him to desperation, so he had started in busines for him- self. In the meantime., I was trying to establish a relation- ship between a voice that I re- cognized and a face that was familiar, despite it wretched ap- pearance. Certainly, it was Dav- id Rovin, as he revealed it a moment later. VVhen we made ourselves known to him, he burst into tears. Abi he cried, To think that conditions could drive me to such an at- tempt upon two of my old, old friends. From tonight, I turn a new leaff' And my blessing goes with you,', replied Halpern, and thereupon he drew from his hip pocket a vial, from which he sprinkled on Rovin's head a few drops of Holy Water , which bore a peculiar alcoholic odor. My suspicions were confirmed when Nhe lifted the vial to his lips and took a deep draught, presumably for the purification of his inner soul. We then sent him away with enough money to begin life anew.

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24 Q THE CLEANER me that if I took one look at his clothing, I would be over- come by their extraordinary qualities. While I was inspecting his line of goods, I heard from the kitchen a femine voice shout, Mawritz, the baby's cryin. Aw sher opj' he yelled back, Business before plea- sure. . Where had I hear those first three words of his? Ah, I re- membered, and breathlessly asked him if his name was Mor- ris Mayer. He nodded assent. When I told hini who I was, a hubbub followed and though I never suspected him of being a kissing bug before, I was con- vinced of it now. I remained with him for several hours be- fore I took my departure. A strong wind had sprung up in the meanwhile. Dark and threatening clouds loomed over- head. The people in the streets increased their pace and hurried along for fear of getting caught in the storm, which menaced us. Soon the storm broke. There was a terriflic downpour, the wind driving it along like a hur- ricane. I felt myself getting wet through and through. I shivered and trembled violently. A peal of thunder, which shook the earth, was followed by a blinding flash of lightning. ' The. brilliancy of it dazzled me and,-. When I awoke, a, number of fellows were dashing water into my face and yelling for more. My spluttering prevented me from telling them to stop, but I raised a rernonstrative hand. Unheeding, hey dashed another bucket of water into my face, which brought me to my senses. I remembered that I had been grooming Algene's hind legs, and I realized that she had evi- dently kicked me in the head. Are you hurt, Cutey? cried Becker. No, I answered, as I uncon- sciously rubbed a lump on my head. Then I vaguely heard Mr. Kraft chirp in, Wal, I always knew Kunis had a solid head. FAREWELL SONG By H. Schunman and J. Levitch School of our youth, we bid thee fare- well, Dear Alma Mater, parting's night, May mem'ries dear, of Farm School cheer Ne'er be forgotten, fade or die. Oft welll recall, when in the thrall Of life's eternal, ceaseless round, The days of pleasure, ffrienidshipfls treasure, In Farm School's halls, sought and found. Thus wil renew, in our hearts e'er true, The thoughts of boist'rous Fresh- man days. When thru the year, in blissful cheer, NVe -blithely wended guilless ways. ways. Once more reveal. our Junior zeal Precious wisdom to display 5 With love supreme an-d fond esteem, We nursed the freshles thru their stay. As Seniors tried, in loyal pride, YVe strove to honor and uphold Farm Scho-ol's name, her Widespread fame, And her proud colors-Green and Gold. School of our youth, we 'bid thee fare- well, Dear Alma Mater, parting's nighg May mem'ries dear, of Farm School cheer Ne'er -be forgotten, fade or die. Music from Vale CEton Songl.