Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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22 THE GLEANER hours, without a stop. His topic was The Uselessness of Ser- mons in General and Mine in Particular? That evening he accompanied me to the University Auditor- ium, and after I had delivered my lecture we arranged for our night's rest at the club house. We had been asleep but a few hours, when I awoke with a start. I felt conscious of a stranger's presence and soon noticed a flashlight being played on all parts of the room. Fear- ing to wake Halpern, for that mfight give the alarm to the intruder, I let him snore on. I saw him take a wallet from Hal- pern's breeches and come over to my clothes. It was fortu- nate that I had brought along a trench-weapon for demonstra- tion at my lecture. We had used it in hand-to-hand conflicts in the trenches. It was pattern- ed after a rattlesnake - noise- less, powerful, forming a coil that enstrangled its victim and left him powerless to move. When I discharged it, muffled groans and curses issued from the burglar's lips. I could hear him struggling desparately. I turned on the lights, and had it not been for the pitiful look on the burglar's face peering from the mesh and the gravity of the '-mfion, I would have burst in- to laughterg for there was Hal- pern, kneeling in bed with low- ered head and offering deep and fervent prayers to the Almighty for the deliverance of his soul. However, he soon realized the situation and assisted me in freeing the victim from his en- tanglements. The burglar was heavily bearded. his face w'as drawn and his dark eyes were sunken far into their sockets. Halpern soon became master of the situation. He lay one hand on the shaggy head and lifted the other to heaven and bade our Merciful Father have com- passion on this unfortunate being. In the confession that we drew from the man, we learned that he was a fugitive and a deserter from the navy. Employment was unobtainable and he had a wife and child to support. This necessity had driven him to desperation, so he had started in busines for him- self. In the meantime., I was trying to establish a relation- ship between a voice that I re- cognized and a face that was familiar, despite it wretched ap- pearance. Certainly, it was Dav- id Rovin, as he revealed it a moment later. VVhen we made ourselves known to him, he burst into tears. Abi he cried, To think that conditions could drive me to such an at- tempt upon two of my old, old friends. From tonight, I turn a new leaff' And my blessing goes with you,', replied Halpern, and thereupon he drew from his hip pocket a vial, from which he sprinkled on Rovin's head a few drops of Holy Water , which bore a peculiar alcoholic odor. My suspicions were confirmed when Nhe lifted the vial to his lips and took a deep draught, presumably for the purification of his inner soul. We then sent him away with enough money to begin life anew.

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THE GLEANER 21 ernor. The conversation being terminated, I hastened to look for Fish and found him seated ln the midst of a group of girls. It seemed as though in this he- spect the 1917 Class Will had actually come to pass: that be- cause his voice and manners are such as to act like a mag- net toward the fair sex, be he Permitted to 'have a bevy of beautiful d a.,m s el s while at Work. After inviting me to make my- self at home in his old manner. he showed me the letter he had recently received from the Cas- Uality Office of the War Depart- ment, ' stating that they were grieved to inform him tha Lieut. Richard Boyes of the American Aviation Corps was killed while his machine was leading an at- tack on Berlin, the last strong- hold of the Teutons. The let- ter contained a splendid account of his record in the air unexell- ed by any other aviator, and dis-- tinguished by his daring brav- ery, undaunted spirit and undv- cover they sent his medals, which had been so nobly confer- red upon him and' which he so gallantly deserved. There wias nothing unusual in this, as, while a student of the school, he had always been up in the air . My mail was being forwarded to FarmSchool,forIhad accept- ed Fishman's invitation to spend a week or two here. On the sec- Und da-Y of my stay, I received a request from the University of Chicago to address the stu- dents on my experiences in the war. Once more, I sadly parted from dear old N. F. S. I took an express to Chicago and during the journey, my thoughts constantly lingered on the wonderful p r o g r e s s the school had made since my stu- dent days. At the station pre- ceding Chicago, a man dressed in priestly garb, with the con- ventional pancake hat and turn- about collar, boarded the train. He was a hurly-burly sort of a fellow, with a triple chin and a grin that apparently never wore off. Sitting down, he let his eyes wander over the various passengers and iinally he rested them upon me. After staring intently for a while, he suddenly jumped from his seat, and, bringing both hands to his mouth, yelled N. F. S. Rah Rah with '18 on the end . It was none other than Morris Halpern. His Fletchering principles, which he had developed while at the school, had seemingly not left him, for there could be observed in one pocket a huge loaf of bread, and in the other, two cans of sardines. He apprised me that he was returning to deliver a sermon at his famed Unitarian Church. I accompanied him and was given a seat of honor on the platform. The building was overcrowded. and soap boxes had to serve as extra seats to accomodate some of the surplus people, many being turned away for want of room. Many comments were passing to and fro concerning the wonderful Rev. Halpern. and it was evident that he was extremely popularj In the ser- mon that he delivered, his amaz- ing loquacity, his affluent elo- quence' his forceful style, his elegant diction and his powerful voice excited the intense admir- ation of the spell-bound listen- ers. He preached for fully three

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I THE GLEANER v 23 I left Halpern when I receiv- ed an important letter from the War Department at Washin- ton. When my busines had been attended to at the department, I took a stroll through the Capi- toy. In a business section down- town, on o11e of the corners, I was attracted by a thin-looking and aged man, who was sitting on a box, singing, or rather how- ling at the top of his voice, and playing an accordion. He w'ore a pair of dark eyeglasses and from his neck was suspended a sign Help the Blind . Beside him. was a cup to receive the contributions. I approached him and dropped a coin into the cup. Thinking fthat he was perhaps a victim of the Great War I questioned him about his blindness. This question drew from him a long, sad tale concerning his misfortune. In the midst of his discourse he uddenly jumped up and cried out, I'll be h-h-hanged if t-t-this ain't Cutey! I c-c-c-could recognize you even if you had b-b-both arms off. I was as- tonished that this imposter was none other than Dolly Sherman. He then proceeded to tell me the story of his life. He had four wives, all of whom had left him on acount of his singing. Poor fools, said he. T-t-they could not appreciate g-g-g-good music. Knowing him of old, my sympathies lay with his run- away wives. Well, he contin- ued, as I had no one to support me, I had to resort to this scheme. I haven't had a square meal in a d-d-dog's age. See- ing that he was about to col- lapse, I hurriedly packed his paraphernalia and pulled him to the nearest saloon. As we ap- proached the bar, my eye was attracted by a huge sign read- mg: FREE MUSH AND SPUDS WITH EVERY DRINK Still wondering, I turned to the bartender and asked him what sort of a drink he had. All kinds, from those as weak as whiskey to those as strong as N. E. S. TEA. This remark strengthened my suspicion that the bartender was a Farm School man. I asked him his name and was overjoyed to learn that he was John B. McCool. I knew that there was only one original home for that combination of mush and spuds. After discuss- ing some ancient history, we separated. On returning to New York the next day, I made my way to the Hotel Morebills. As I was passing through the Bowery, I felt a vigorous tug at my arm. Mishter! Mishter! I vant to see you for vun minute ,vill you? The man was short and stout, wearin g thread-bare, shab- by clothes, and the appearance of his face would evidently have beneiitted by a grealter intimacy with a razor. He half pushed and pulled me into a store, with his arm around my waist. When we entered, he began to dilate on the supremacy of his wearing apparel and assured