Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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THE GLEANER 21 ernor. The conversation being terminated, I hastened to look for Fish and found him seated ln the midst of a group of girls. It seemed as though in this he- spect the 1917 Class Will had actually come to pass: that be- cause his voice and manners are such as to act like a mag- net toward the fair sex, be he Permitted to 'have a bevy of beautiful d a.,m s el s while at Work. After inviting me to make my- self at home in his old manner. he showed me the letter he had recently received from the Cas- Uality Office of the War Depart- ment, ' stating that they were grieved to inform him tha Lieut. Richard Boyes of the American Aviation Corps was killed while his machine was leading an at- tack on Berlin, the last strong- hold of the Teutons. The let- ter contained a splendid account of his record in the air unexell- ed by any other aviator, and dis-- tinguished by his daring brav- ery, undaunted spirit and undv- cover they sent his medals, which had been so nobly confer- red upon him and' which he so gallantly deserved. There wias nothing unusual in this, as, while a student of the school, he had always been up in the air . My mail was being forwarded to FarmSchool,forIhad accept- ed Fishman's invitation to spend a week or two here. On the sec- Und da-Y of my stay, I received a request from the University of Chicago to address the stu- dents on my experiences in the war. Once more, I sadly parted from dear old N. F. S. I took an express to Chicago and during the journey, my thoughts constantly lingered on the wonderful p r o g r e s s the school had made since my stu- dent days. At the station pre- ceding Chicago, a man dressed in priestly garb, with the con- ventional pancake hat and turn- about collar, boarded the train. He was a hurly-burly sort of a fellow, with a triple chin and a grin that apparently never wore off. Sitting down, he let his eyes wander over the various passengers and iinally he rested them upon me. After staring intently for a while, he suddenly jumped from his seat, and, bringing both hands to his mouth, yelled N. F. S. Rah Rah with '18 on the end . It was none other than Morris Halpern. His Fletchering principles, which he had developed while at the school, had seemingly not left him, for there could be observed in one pocket a huge loaf of bread, and in the other, two cans of sardines. He apprised me that he was returning to deliver a sermon at his famed Unitarian Church. I accompanied him and was given a seat of honor on the platform. The building was overcrowded. and soap boxes had to serve as extra seats to accomodate some of the surplus people, many being turned away for want of room. Many comments were passing to and fro concerning the wonderful Rev. Halpern. and it was evident that he was extremely popularj In the ser- mon that he delivered, his amaz- ing loquacity, his affluent elo- quence' his forceful style, his elegant diction and his powerful voice excited the intense admir- ation of the spell-bound listen- ers. He preached for fully three

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20 THE GLEANER curred, I decided to make a trip there the next day, In the morning I hastened to catch my train, which though due to arrive at Farm School at 9.20 A. M., was only three-quar- ters of an hour late--as usual. Unconsciously, I made sure to get off on the right side, and not on the other, where I once slid down the nursery embankment just 23 years ago. What a striking picture now presented itself to my view. As far as the eye could see, there stretched before me about three thousand acres of verdant soil. scores of beautiful buildings proudly stood, surrounded by acres and acres of golden corn and iields of waving rye. As I was standing there, enjoying the beauty of it all, my thoughts were rudely .interrupted by a honk-honk in the distance. As the auto drew near, I noticed that it bore a strange resem- blance to some machine I had seen before. Further thought brought to me the memory of a second-hand Buick, in which one of our instructors had proudly sailed along the Farm School roads, way back in 1917 Judging from its appearance it probably had been in storage nearly all this time, due, no doubt, to the dearth of gasoline. It looked exactly as I had last seen it, except for one minor, unimportant detail - the hind wheels had been replaced by two iron ones from the old spray en- gine. 5 The car finally stopped, after a few wheezes of its own and some imprecations on the part of its occupant, whom I' immed- iately recognized as Director Ostrolenk, in spite of his aged appearance. As I helped him alight from his antique, the sun made a glaring spot as it shone upon his bald head. He stared sharply at me for a few minutes, and then burst into a How is my friend Kunis? We there- upon entered into a conversa- tion, during which I remarked on the a n c i e n t pushmobile. Oh',' he smilingly replied, I've had it in storage ever since it was presented to me, until the discovery of compressed hot air as a power for motor vehic- les made it possible for me to use it again. I'm holding on to it until there is a rise in the price of junk. He proceeded to inform me of the wonderful improvements that had been made and proud- ly boasted of his eight-hundred students, of which fully three were boys, and the rest girls. I soon became acquainted with the fact that he had obtained his Ph. D. on the publication of his two powerful and timely books, entitled The Use and Abuse of Muskrat Milk and Polygamy --The Solution to the Decreas- ing Birth-rate. In view of the composition of the student body, I was not at all surprised when he informed nie that Harry Fishman, an old classmate of mine, was the gov-

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22 THE GLEANER hours, without a stop. His topic was The Uselessness of Ser- mons in General and Mine in Particular? That evening he accompanied me to the University Auditor- ium, and after I had delivered my lecture we arranged for our night's rest at the club house. We had been asleep but a few hours, when I awoke with a start. I felt conscious of a stranger's presence and soon noticed a flashlight being played on all parts of the room. Fear- ing to wake Halpern, for that mfight give the alarm to the intruder, I let him snore on. I saw him take a wallet from Hal- pern's breeches and come over to my clothes. It was fortu- nate that I had brought along a trench-weapon for demonstra- tion at my lecture. We had used it in hand-to-hand conflicts in the trenches. It was pattern- ed after a rattlesnake - noise- less, powerful, forming a coil that enstrangled its victim and left him powerless to move. When I discharged it, muffled groans and curses issued from the burglar's lips. I could hear him struggling desparately. I turned on the lights, and had it not been for the pitiful look on the burglar's face peering from the mesh and the gravity of the '-mfion, I would have burst in- to laughterg for there was Hal- pern, kneeling in bed with low- ered head and offering deep and fervent prayers to the Almighty for the deliverance of his soul. However, he soon realized the situation and assisted me in freeing the victim from his en- tanglements. The burglar was heavily bearded. his face w'as drawn and his dark eyes were sunken far into their sockets. Halpern soon became master of the situation. He lay one hand on the shaggy head and lifted the other to heaven and bade our Merciful Father have com- passion on this unfortunate being. In the confession that we drew from the man, we learned that he was a fugitive and a deserter from the navy. Employment was unobtainable and he had a wife and child to support. This necessity had driven him to desperation, so he had started in busines for him- self. In the meantime., I was trying to establish a relation- ship between a voice that I re- cognized and a face that was familiar, despite it wretched ap- pearance. Certainly, it was Dav- id Rovin, as he revealed it a moment later. VVhen we made ourselves known to him, he burst into tears. Abi he cried, To think that conditions could drive me to such an at- tempt upon two of my old, old friends. From tonight, I turn a new leaff' And my blessing goes with you,', replied Halpern, and thereupon he drew from his hip pocket a vial, from which he sprinkled on Rovin's head a few drops of Holy Water , which bore a peculiar alcoholic odor. My suspicions were confirmed when Nhe lifted the vial to his lips and took a deep draught, presumably for the purification of his inner soul. We then sent him away with enough money to begin life anew.