Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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THE GLEANER 21 other epistle looking me square in the face: Prof, Charles R. VVag1ier, jr., boxing and jui jitsu and all physical culture methods taught. My meth- ods bring either success or ruin. Try them ! The light grew dimmer and I be- held a small house, snug and cozy, in which dwelt a tall, lanky man and his wife. The rooms were filled from bottom to top with cradles and nursery paraphernalia, but none had a child in it. I was wondering why this nursery stuff, when suddenly I heard the house- wife say: Aaron Lieberman, I do declare! It is time you stopped playing with your eradles. Go to bed! Upon inspection of the grand display of nursery stock, I stumbled upon a magazine which contained an article of The science of giving away moneyf! The au- thor's name seemed familiar and I glanced at it. Millionaire and phi- lanthropist, C. J. Toor. He made his money by shaving toothpicks and using them over again. The curtain was lowered and everything was a blank for a while, then I recovered, yielding to the care of my worried classmates. What was it? Oh, yesg that darn tree I bumped into. Courage, my friends. I-Iere is luck and success to you! ,.ii PRESENTATION OF THE HOE By CLARENCE KOSHOWSKY Eighteen years ago this hoe was chosen as the emblem of this insti- tution, and has been revered by the students as it passed from one class to the next, It has been sharpened and repainted since its adoption, partly to preserve and partly to in- tensify the meaning already con- veyed. Green in our songs signi- lies the springtime, while gold the harvest and the sunshine. It goes on to say that in the blend the meaning is foretold, Hurrah for the Green and the Gold! You all l:now the song, and you all will or have used the hoe. But the meas- ure of- your prosperity will be judged by your diligence with this small tool, perhaps 11Ot in its direct use, but in directing the equivalent energy to useful ends. Therefore, to you, Mr. Levitch as president of the senior class that begins its re- gime tonight with the presentation of this hoe, I leave this as it was left to me and the guidance of the students during the ensuing years, with this admonition, use it dili- gently, and success will be yours.

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20 THE GLEANER have the first genuine jeans pro- tector on the market. It saves elbow greasef' Here he produced a card which read, Clarence Koshowskyf' The scene has shifted again, I was now in a factory of artificial limbs. Busily engaged over a ma- chine, pulling a leg to and fro and carefully refraining from getting a splinter in his hands, was Solomon Adler. Near him, besmeared- and greasy, stood a man turning on a lathe slippery eel skins. He was an expert in handling slick and slip- pery stuff. You could see it by the way he handled those skinsg oh, yes! It was Arthur Camen. This scene suddenly changed, and in its place was revealed an office of uncomfortably large size, where beside numerous desks many women were engaged in typewriting. On one of the sheets I read the following: Sol Donchi, Matrimonial Engi- neer and Love Chemist. VVe guar- antee results. t Near it lay an open letter, and I read it: I am a poor, lonely bachelor: have a farm of 60 acres. I want a wife to help me weed onions. pitch hay and shred fodder. If you get me one to meet the requirements, I will pay liberally. Yours sincerely, joseph Z, llruckerinanf' .Nnotber open feminine hand- written letter l was tempted to read : Dear l,ove C'hemist: I am deeply cbagrincd at my lovely wife. She refuses to listen or hear me talk. She claims it sounds too much like a buzzing saw. Yours truly, 'fSamue1 Erdef' My senses here were a little shaken, and thus I went on, A greenhouse slowly took shape, and on it a large sign with golden let- ters bore this inscription: Mor- decai Kasselman, expert trimmer. We trim you painlessly. All fu- neral designs guaranteed to accom- pany deceased on the other side free of charge. Near this mag- nihcent house stood a ramshackle, shabby-looking building, with a lit- tle plate on the door and this in- scription: Confounded and Con- fusion Bulb House. Our bulbs never blight, rot norigrow. Buy once and you never forget us. Abe Radlerf' In a newspaper that I picked up there I came across a heading: Budding scientist dis- covers how to make fleas multiply profusely without much trouble. Professor Malloy, after many years of study, has found one of the re- markable discoveries of the age. It then gave his life history, wife and chil'lren, etc. .Xnother advertise- ment read: Trust Shapiro! Honey loaned on very easy terms, l0 2. Sepa- rate entrance for ladies. Hur pawnbrol4cr's tickets are incognitof' Near it was another ad: VVilliani l.aurie Reid, teacher domestic science. XVe teach young men and women to subsist on deli- catesscn and ready-made foods. Newly weds given special treat- ment, lfull course, two weeks. lint the measure of my surprise was not full yet, and I beheld an-

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. 22 THE GLEANER -VALEDICTORY By NATHAN B. GOLUB 1.-1. Ladies and Gentlemen : In appearing before you tonight as the valedictorian, I have two thoughts to expound. Trivial as they may seem to you, yet they are very vital and decisive to us. It is a revelation of how we were im- pressed in the three years of our stay at the school and what our prospects and aspirations are today. In looking back at our school term here, we can't help but smile at our own insignificance when we first entered. But we have learned a good deal. VVe have started at the very bottom of the ladder and have striven to attain to the point where we are tonight. But we have waded in deep water, aye, so deep that at times it seemed to swallow us, and a good portion of our best have succumbed to it. We regret and feel afflicted at this hour of their absence. Is their absence due to the natural law, the survival of the fittest? XVe ,cannot tell. But it is true that our trials were great, but equally great is our coni- pensation. So you can readily see that we are hardened on the anvil of adversity and experience, and that enables us to look more or less fearlessly upon our prospects. .Xspiration is a matter of individu- ality. flnr prospects now are that in whatever we may engage it will require every ounce of our zeal. lt will require, aye, demand that we pay in terms of interest for whatever paltry pay we may get. l'ut whit with thit' Thin nt vf . , ,-, 1-, l 1 1 . 1 voices in every one of us calling for the struggle to achieve that will put us on our mettle. The voice o-f our Alma Mater, which is dear to us, will always be a guiding light in the dark. Your school's success depends on you, looks up to you and is proud of you. Another powerful voice is that of the nation calling to the tiller of the soil, for- sake us not and give us bread. And what with the call of our own people and those that made it pos- sible for us to engage in agricul- ture? Ah, sacred must be the re- sponse, to that particular call to those that have offered the best of their mental and circumstantial possessions. But the strongest and most powerful voice' is that of the struggle for existence and a place to rest your head. Base as man may be, that voice he cannot deny and must creep along as if urged on automatically. So you see our prospects are cheerful after all. Aspirations, that, as I said before. is dependent upon the individual. But we all aspire in various direc- tions and surely hope to reach a height above the average. Now, for the want of time. I must stop and turn to more specihc topics. First. the class avails itself. through me, of the opportunity to thank llr. lirauskopf and the board of managers for their interest and kind support shown to us. lVe feel it is beyond our power to show the appreciation of Ur. Kraus- kopfis elil'ot'lS. Sitleele gt'Z1fltt1t'lC and wishes that the school keep on progressing are the only proofs of l