Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

Page 22 text:

20 THE GLEANER have the first genuine jeans pro- tector on the market. It saves elbow greasef' Here he produced a card which read, Clarence Koshowskyf' The scene has shifted again, I was now in a factory of artificial limbs. Busily engaged over a ma- chine, pulling a leg to and fro and carefully refraining from getting a splinter in his hands, was Solomon Adler. Near him, besmeared- and greasy, stood a man turning on a lathe slippery eel skins. He was an expert in handling slick and slip- pery stuff. You could see it by the way he handled those skinsg oh, yes! It was Arthur Camen. This scene suddenly changed, and in its place was revealed an office of uncomfortably large size, where beside numerous desks many women were engaged in typewriting. On one of the sheets I read the following: Sol Donchi, Matrimonial Engi- neer and Love Chemist. VVe guar- antee results. t Near it lay an open letter, and I read it: I am a poor, lonely bachelor: have a farm of 60 acres. I want a wife to help me weed onions. pitch hay and shred fodder. If you get me one to meet the requirements, I will pay liberally. Yours sincerely, joseph Z, llruckerinanf' .Nnotber open feminine hand- written letter l was tempted to read : Dear l,ove C'hemist: I am deeply cbagrincd at my lovely wife. She refuses to listen or hear me talk. She claims it sounds too much like a buzzing saw. Yours truly, 'fSamue1 Erdef' My senses here were a little shaken, and thus I went on, A greenhouse slowly took shape, and on it a large sign with golden let- ters bore this inscription: Mor- decai Kasselman, expert trimmer. We trim you painlessly. All fu- neral designs guaranteed to accom- pany deceased on the other side free of charge. Near this mag- nihcent house stood a ramshackle, shabby-looking building, with a lit- tle plate on the door and this in- scription: Confounded and Con- fusion Bulb House. Our bulbs never blight, rot norigrow. Buy once and you never forget us. Abe Radlerf' In a newspaper that I picked up there I came across a heading: Budding scientist dis- covers how to make fleas multiply profusely without much trouble. Professor Malloy, after many years of study, has found one of the re- markable discoveries of the age. It then gave his life history, wife and chil'lren, etc. .Xnother advertise- ment read: Trust Shapiro! Honey loaned on very easy terms, l0 2. Sepa- rate entrance for ladies. Hur pawnbrol4cr's tickets are incognitof' Near it was another ad: VVilliani l.aurie Reid, teacher domestic science. XVe teach young men and women to subsist on deli- catesscn and ready-made foods. Newly weds given special treat- ment, lfull course, two weeks. lint the measure of my surprise was not full yet, and I beheld an-

Page 21 text:

THE GLEANER 19 manners are such as to act like a magnet toward the fair sex, be allowed permission to have a bevy of beautiful damsels while at work. In witness whereof, we, the undersigned, do hereby swear and declare this to be our last will and testament. ...i l. PROPHECY BY GoLUB and DRUCKERMANX The year 1925 found me in wretched condition, and I was re- duced to wend my way for a meal in a cheap restaurant. The food served to me was rather delicious. An aroma of peculiar and far- reaching, sweet-scented odor dif- fused itself. It was a great tempta- tion to me, and I devoured it raven- ously. And,'1o and behold! I fell into a swoon, and I conceived a visio-n. A crowd of people were surg- ing and moving and an angry hum arose from their midst. There stood a man whose lengthy and windy sermon seemed to cause the disturbance. I was stupefied to be- hold my staunch classmate, Benja- min Smith, arguing for Mr. Nathan Golub, the people's choice, who would- give careful consideration to their demands, running on the workmen's party. The Social Bomb Throwing League. I want- ed to get up and speak for him. too. but just then the speaker descend- ed. and a partisan introduced Mr. Golub, the candidate for Congress. The speaker, after many haws and hems. bowed to the crowd and began the onslaught, Our party will light to obtain free rides for downtrodden mil- lionaires, beer for all true Prohibi- ' lielivereil by Benjamin Smith. tionists and jobs for all that were never out of work. This was vigorously applauded. Then Mr. Smith, with a beaming counte- nance, capitalized at S50,000, spoke. My fellow-sufferers, friends and voters: It is not for my bene- fit, but for your own, that I ask you to vote for the candidate. But he was suddenly interrupted by a seedy-looking fellow who seemed tobe on the outs. I ain't going to have a bomber elected. It was Deacon Jacson, a true friend of mine, who defied rum, and the result now appeared. From a pious young man to this type was not what I expected. A mist settled around this scene and gradually a panorama of a beautiful country unfolded, in which the following blotch on the landscape appeared: :X long-legged. lean. hungry-looking individual slowly bent his way towards a barn. with a revolver in one hand and a milk pail in the other. IIe seemed to be saying, By heck. if I don't get you by gentle'argumentation. this will, hossief' and gently pat- ting his revolver. It was poor hecker, I.ou Goldberg. .X sporty. well-dressed man approached him. exclaiming: flow are you? lIow is the XX'CZllllk'l'? By the wav. I

Page 23 text:

THE GLEANER 21 other epistle looking me square in the face: Prof, Charles R. VVag1ier, jr., boxing and jui jitsu and all physical culture methods taught. My meth- ods bring either success or ruin. Try them ! The light grew dimmer and I be- held a small house, snug and cozy, in which dwelt a tall, lanky man and his wife. The rooms were filled from bottom to top with cradles and nursery paraphernalia, but none had a child in it. I was wondering why this nursery stuff, when suddenly I heard the house- wife say: Aaron Lieberman, I do declare! It is time you stopped playing with your eradles. Go to bed! Upon inspection of the grand display of nursery stock, I stumbled upon a magazine which contained an article of The science of giving away moneyf! The au- thor's name seemed familiar and I glanced at it. Millionaire and phi- lanthropist, C. J. Toor. He made his money by shaving toothpicks and using them over again. The curtain was lowered and everything was a blank for a while, then I recovered, yielding to the care of my worried classmates. What was it? Oh, yesg that darn tree I bumped into. Courage, my friends. I-Iere is luck and success to you! ,.ii PRESENTATION OF THE HOE By CLARENCE KOSHOWSKY Eighteen years ago this hoe was chosen as the emblem of this insti- tution, and has been revered by the students as it passed from one class to the next, It has been sharpened and repainted since its adoption, partly to preserve and partly to in- tensify the meaning already con- veyed. Green in our songs signi- lies the springtime, while gold the harvest and the sunshine. It goes on to say that in the blend the meaning is foretold, Hurrah for the Green and the Gold! You all l:now the song, and you all will or have used the hoe. But the meas- ure of- your prosperity will be judged by your diligence with this small tool, perhaps 11Ot in its direct use, but in directing the equivalent energy to useful ends. Therefore, to you, Mr. Levitch as president of the senior class that begins its re- gime tonight with the presentation of this hoe, I leave this as it was left to me and the guidance of the students during the ensuing years, with this admonition, use it dili- gently, and success will be yours.