DeWitt Clinton High School - Clintonian Yearbook (Bronx, NY)

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C. SCHULDENFRE HELEN C. STARK JOHN TIETZ MAX DIAMOND Handsomesi' PreTTiesT MosT CooperaTive BesT NaTured Prisoner I.ouis KaTz enTers, sTruggIing wiTh guards. During The exciTemenT, Mr. I.ichTensTein, a specTaTor, shows his amazing VERSATILITY by coming To The aid oT The aTTendanTs, impro- vising a maIceshiTT sTraiTiacIceT which he slips over The proTesTing Ivlr. KaTz by using a clever iudo hoId.l TIETZ IA SpecTaTorl: I'd Iilce To COOPERATE in This case. Gn The surTace iT appears ThaT The prisoner is menTaIIy disTurbed. I'd be glad To psycho- analyze him. I even have a Tew copies oT The TesTs I used To give in De WITT CIinTon I-Iigh School, The Bronx, U. S. A., while I was serving my Term There. KATZ: IInTerrupTingl I'm bein' maraudedg I'm bein' sIaughTeredI Say, iudgey-boy whaT Tloor is This here courT onf7 DOC : Second. Whyf7 KATZ: I'm geTTing ouT oT here. Going upsTairs. Wanna be Tried in a higher courT. DOC : WhaT is The charge againsT This cuIpriT7 I'II give him life! GETZ: Teacher's CourT Case No. 3032I. Gne Louis NNI-IITTY-BOY KaTz vs. The STaTe oT lnsaniTy. Char.ge: DisTurbing The digniTied soIemniTy oT a MemphisTopheIes I-Iigh Classroom wiTh an oTT-color remarlc. IWhispers oT shoclc and horror Trom The specTaTors.I DGC : Order, order, order in The courT. I-IASTIINIGS: I'II Take a ham on rye wiTh beer. DGC : I-IasTings, you may be mosT popular in PT, buT on The QT, iT you don'T clam up, we'II have To puT you up here wiTh Lou KaTz. I-IASTINGS: No, no, noT ThaTI HDOCH: KaTz, do you have a Iawyer7 , KATZ: No, buT I have some good Triends on The iury. DOC : Do you wanT a lawyer To deTend you7 I can recommend a very I6

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ITT-IE MOST PGPULAR iurisT, Ed I-IasTings, is Toreman. See him on The IeTT, There, puTTing The oTher iurors Through caIisThenics.I Say, by The way, I-IasTings, have you goT a maTchf7 I-IASTINGS: Sure, GeTz, The oId CIinTon IvIaTch, a daTe wiTh a peachl DOC : Shades oT Louis KaTz, buT ThaT was a bad pun! I-IasTings, have you ever specuIaTed on The reasons Tor your popuIariTy7 I-IASTINGS: No, Doc. Can'T say I have, excepT ThaT I ToId my neighbors ThaT I aIways pIayed The saxophone when I goT IoneIy. DOC : I undersTand. Wow, ThaT coupIe on The righT is sure dressed TiT To IciIIl ThaT man even has spaTs and a morning coaT on. I wouIdn'T have believed ThaT couId happen in IvIemphisTopheIes I-Iigh. GETZ: Um, ThaT's IvIr. ShaTTman and Ivirs. Shapiro, The BEST DRESSED coupIe in The courT. Rumors have iT ThaT boTh aren'T earning enough aT Their presenT iobs, so They've Taken JuIy EourTh summer-resorT iobs, where They'II dress The holiday Iamb chops in The TradiTionaI American TIag. Wonder whaT They're discussing so earnesTIyf7 SI-IATTMAN: . . .and Grace, aTTer Tomorrow, I'm noT going To wear These panTs any Ionger. SI-IAPIRG: Why7 SI-IATTIVIAN: Because They're Iong enough. DOC : And who's ThaT TeIIow wiTh aII The women around him7 GETZ: I'II beT ThaT's The MCDST BELGVED Juror, Dean Cohen, and Those hundred or so oThers around him are The resT oT The iury panel. DOC : Say Cohen, how do you geT all The women To Iove youf7 I mighT Try some oT your Techniques ouT on Jessie K. DEAN: Ch, iT's easy when you wear a Senior I-IaT, as I do. DGC : Is ThaT your onIy secreT7I7 DEAN: WeII, ThaT, and my moTTo, Love 'em All . GEORGE GETZ WM. LICHTENSTEIN GRACE SHAPIRO A. SCHATTMAN MosT lncIusTrious MosT VersaTiIe Besi' Dressed BesT Dressed I 5

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I-IAINIDSOME young barrisTer, Carl SchuldenTrei. SCI-IULDENFREI: And I'd be glad To Take The case, Mr. KaTz. IT mighT help The inTerioriTy complex l've begun To develop, due To people who assume ThaT my only aTTribuTe is my good looks. KATZ: I3uT I don'T parTicularly wanT a lawyer, Doc , DOC : Well Then, iusT whaT do you propose To do abouT your casef7 KATZ: Oh, as Tar as I'm concerned, I'm guiTe willing To drop iT. DCC : NOT a chancel LeT's geT on wiTh The prosecuTion. The nexT person To creaTe a disTurbance will be eiecTed Trom The courT. KATZ: P-bh-Th . . . - - lBronx cheerII DQC : We'll show ThaT allegedly WI-llTTY Tellow how Tunny he is when we senTence him. Mr. KaTz, cracking a ioke, you realize, especially a bad one, is one oT The mosT serious oTTences you can commiT in Memphis- Topheles I-Iigh. Qnly eaTing your lunch in our ArisTa 0TTice overshadows iT. WhaT do you plead, sirf7 KATZ: I regreT ThaT I had buf one ioke To give Tor my poor, overworked pupils. DOC : Foreman I-IasTings, I call Tor a iury verdicT. HASTINGS: GuilTy as charged. Jury recommends TiTTy kneebends as a iusT punishmenT. DOC : Does anyone in The courT have anyThing To say beTore I senTence The prisoner. DIAMOND: Aw, can'T ya see da guy's sorry. IT was a bum ioke anyhow. I-Iave a hearT, IeT The guy oTT. DOC : Diamond, you're The BEST IXIATURED guy I know, buf l'm sorry, he Told a bum joke and musT suTTer iusT reTribuTion. I-Iowf7 Qbviousl We'II appoinT our PRETTIEST gremlin, Mrs. STark, To bewiTch him away To hubba-hubba land, The land so hoT ThaT human blood boils aT TirsT sighT .... And so, we now leave The STaTe oT lnsaniTy, To reTurn To lor should we say remain inf7l De WiTT ClinTon I-ligh School, The Bronx, U. S. A., where The iurors and cuIpriTs are serving Their respecTive Terms. Four years oT iT, Tor Them aT IeasT, has probably been hell, buT we know we've pro- vided aT leasT some humor To relieve Their land incidenTaIIy ourl daily miseries. This piece is iusT a small measure oT Thanks on our immense debT oT graTiTude Tor The woncIerTuI Time and The wonderTul educaTion ClinTon's Teachers have given us. MARC BAUM I7