Cumnock School - Chronicle Yearbook (Los Angeles, CA)

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' L I T E R A T U R E aloof air of the girls. She realized with a pang of sadness that the girls had shared their remarks with her at dinner only because Miss Bates had been present. All of her determination to fit into this chattering group left her, and she was just turning to pass out through that dreaded door, which leered at her saying, Almost, but not quite. You thought you could pass by me and escape life! But the ghastly thing opened and Miss Bates, all warmth and smiles, entered the room. The girls hastily stood up. Sit down, girls. I just stepped in to tell you of an idea which came to me a little while ago. jessica darted forward, offered Miss Bates a chair, and seated herself on its arm. The other girls, being satisfied with jessica's last gesture, moved hurridly into seats around Miss Bates. To avoid the onslaught of the girls, Sophie melted back against the wall. Unnoticed she stood listening to Miss Bates. As you know, girls, it has always been our custom to do something for the poor at Christmas time, and this year I thought, that is, if you girls would like, we could fill baskets for them. Not waiting to hear any more, jessica haughtily announced, That is an excellent idea, but I think it would be a fine idea to elect a chairman who could appoint a committee or make arrangements, you know, a person who could guide the others in their tasks. The inevitable happened. All voices sang out, 'Yes, yes, a simply ducky idea, jessica. To jessica it was all settled. They would elect a chairman, she would be chairman. She was amazed, for from the expression in Miss Bates' eyes she could tell that it was not all settled. Girls, I would like you to think this idea over. Think who would make the best chairman, then tomorrow evening you may hold your election. Having nothing further to say, she went out. Could the world be going to end? There arose a great stir in the sitting room after Miss Bates' departure. Imagine thinking it over! Why there was no one but jessica for the job. Yet Miss Bates had actually walked out with- 86

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L I T E R A T U R E girl she had met in the hall that afternoon. Was Sophie coming to the meet- ing in the sitting room after dinner? Sophie blinked several times and almost choked in her haste to swallow the bread she was eating so that she might answer. Breathlessly Sophie said: Why-why l'd love meeting with the others after dinner. Where do I go? After Sophie had been told where the sitting room was she became si- lent. She felt that she was no longer a sharer in the conversation. lt seemed to her she would rather move around followed by her scolding step-mother than to be smothered here. She felt caged and confined. How ghastly! Here in this mocking, Smirking place she must stay while all of the world outside plunged itself headlong into the frolicking days of Christmas vacation. But she had made up her mind that although the conversations at home had never been shared with her, all of these new things were going to be. At last her first dinner came to an end. She had tried, even fought against letting herself slip within her own person. Yet the struggle was not half over. She must above all else become a part of this world. With the idea of this hope in mind, Sophie moved dejectedly down the hall. Her feet scarcely leaving the heavy plush that carpeted the floor, she half-heartedly made her way to the girl's sitting room. The door of the room was closed. As she stopped in front of the door, her head drooped slowly forward, until her chin rested on her hard and bony little chest, she swayed slightly. She couldn't do it! Co in that room and meet all of those strangers? l-ler heart was beating madly, fighting against being crushed. lt seemed to Sophie that all of the life in her body was pushing, forcing, trying to escape. Her tem- ples throbbed. Her head was bursting. That door, she must go through that door. Why were there always doors? She, Sophie, against the world of doors. Struggling, constantly struggling against that shutout feeling. Was it that this life was not hers? Could it be that she didn't belong? Why was she here? Nothing was for her, she was always shut out . . . shut out . . . As a person suddenly breaking away from the power of an awful nightmare, Sophie raised her thin hand and placed it on the strong, shiny knob-she turned it,-another door opened. Once inside the cheery little room Sophie felt almost at ease, but the groups of chattering girls seated in small circles looked very forbidding to her. The warmth of the bright wall paper only helped to emphasize the cold 85

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L I T E R A T U R E out even a suggestion that jessica be chairman. Such a waste of time, chirped one of the girls, and another said in a disgusted tone, Surel The sooner jessica's elected the sooner she can get started. All of this time Sophie had said nothing. She had stood glued to the wall. Tonight even Miss Bates had noticed the dejected figure pressed against the wall. Praying for assistance from Cod to help her leave without being seen by the others, she forced her unwilling legs to move. Noiselessly she slipped out of the room. The last bell had finished ringing. Sophie closed her math book and began to prepare for the long and dreaded afternoon. The time from the three o'clock bell until time to dress for dinner would drag. lt seemed to Sophie as she walked from the room and up the stairs to her room that it had been a life-time since last night. Those dreadful feelings she had had standing there against the sitting room walll Something within her was tell- ing her she just couldn't go into that place again. As she came to the head of the stairs, she saw some girls enter the sitting room. Her mind was made up. She would seek the peace and safety of her own room. She would rath- er sit there and watch the two hands of her alarm clock have a tug of war against time, than go in a room with a group of people of which she could never be a part. She had tried, but she was different. She felt, as she closed her little door against crying, that she could never be like jessica. Everyone liked jessica. She was pretty. People never tried to close her out from them. They all wanted her to be a part of them. Imagine Sophie ever a part of any- thing. :': :': :js :': :': :'C The girls' sitting room was a great deal cheerier than Number Sixteen. Ripples of laughter slid up and down the walls. jessica was speaking rapidly. All right, if Miss Bates wants an election we'll have one. We'll make her wish she'd let us have who we wanted for chairman. l've got itg this one will get the results all right. Tonight when the election comes we'll elect Sophie! 87