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Page 31 text:
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heartfelt sympathy. Extending one huge foot to the trembhng professor, he continued: The shade of every man who ever guided a pen across parch- ment is on the warpath for your scalp. They charge you one and all with knowing more about their works than they do themselves, and very justly maintain that this is a dangerous state of affairs. So you would do well to steer clear of the land of spirits. Best keep indoors after night, too. And then with a hungry and none too confident look he turned to Pro- fessor Waterhouse and spoke in his most majestic tone, Professor Water- house. Dynamite-and-sulphuric-acid! said the professor, with such emphasis that the great bird flew up against the ceiling with a terrific crash. But when he alighted he grabbed the over-confident prof, by his coat collar in a style that was conducive to speedy repentance. Now, Sir, I ' ve got you, and if you don ' t banquet this crowd better than ever you feasted a chem- istry class at examination, I ' ll — but suddenly he remembered that anger didn ' t exactly become a Justice and, in repentance, recalling all the labor of the defendant in the cause of education, his unstinted efi ' ort to advance his chosen science, and the many good things that he had done for his department, muttered, The sentence is revoked. Then was exhibited a still further proof of his real kindness of heart. In spite of his forbidding exterior and apparent harshness, he called Professors Kimbrough and A ' alker up together, and knowing full well that two such callow youths would be afraid to stand up alone, he said, I have charges against you ranging in seriousness from — Ah, well, the leading charge is loving the co-eds ; but knowing as I do that you are both proud sons of old Cumber- land, a most worthy mother, and not wishing to discourage you, I ' ll prove false to my charge. May the many succeeding years of your professorships ever increase the value and usefulness of your service for your alma mater. The last professor had been acquitted. Having thus rendered a somewhat unique series of decisions, with a majestic sweep of his broad wing, the noble judge, the Phoenix, bade the court farewell for another year, and, as he disap- peared behind the clouds sent back in his stridulent voice, now become fa- miUar, a promise to publish the fame of old Cumberland and her peerless body of instructors at a height never attained by man, where the angels dwell — till they decide to come to earth to figure as Co-eds in Cumberland University. We love them all, indeed we do. Professors kind and good and true: No land can boast so wise a band As that which guides Old Cumberland. 21
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Page 32 text:
“
Senior Magnificat Ever since time and the world began Has been the efforts of the race of man To rise to a higher plane in life By the means of diUgent mental strife. But of all races that e ' er have striven For the heights of fame, not one has risen, Until it pleased the gods to crown Our present race with this renown. There was a Senior Class in the year ' 05 That four long years in a very hive Of industry had sought to win Prestige over Minerva e ' en. But that you may better observe their worth, In justice to them I must unearth Their closest secrets, their hobbies and pleasures That stifle success and true worth measures. First, there is Barke — our president. On a theolog ' s Ufe so sternly bent, That he found it too hard to narrow his mind To trivial things of Senior kind. Then comes that mystery — Scott McClain, Whom each effort to fathom will prove more vain; Minerva rare gifts upon him had bestowed. But he scorned them for sly Cupid ' s thankless load. And as for our own Sentimental Thomas, — A youth of the rarest and richest promise — Alas, bowed down with the co-ed rule, He forgot his first object in coming to school. Oiu eloquent orator, let him now speak — Although most timid, modest and meek, Yet through Arthiu- there shines a Demosthenes, Addressing the world with most exquisite ease. Indeed a prodigy you ' re stu-e to find In our theolog Suddarth — of noble mind — But who spends all his time in the country around Gathering Knowledge, of course, most profound. Of our fair Kate what shall I say? How tell you the stumbUng-blocks in her way? I can only whisper — the largest by far. Has been her mad love for a football star. And now for OpheUa, whose trouble has been That out of the three of her closest friends She has tried to choose Hamlet in vain — and alas ! This has wrecked her career — both in love and in class. And now I with pride will present unto you This Senior class so tried and so true. Who in spite of such odds to the world has given A name that rivals Minerva ' s even. — John Milton, ' OS. 22
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