Culter Academy - Crusader Yearbook (Los Angeles, CA)

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Guffer Ghrolzic e MONDAY, MARCH 16, 1957 Vol. 4, No. 30 Five Cents Sec. 1, Page 1 TH E DOCTOR'S BAG Physicians are still puzzled by the strange case of BETTY JO DARBY who hasn't said a word in ten years. This phenomenon, DR. GORDON DAVIS says, is pos- sibly due to the fact that her tongue is badly in need of a retread. IVORY CAVERNS All the fellows were iealous of DENNIS KIEFER be- cause he knew the deep, dark secret of the twins, LINNEA and E'LAINE OLSON. On pumping him they de- tected the secret. Deep in the caverns of ivory LINNEA had a gold filling. TOO MUCH KNOWLEDGE The strange and sudden blast which occured at the Super Duper gas station was caused by the hydrogen which was put, into a customer's tires. PAUL DE SAEGHER, the station attendant, thougt that hydrogen would make the tires last longer than regular air. ARNEBERGH INVENTS ARNEBERGHER While puttering around in her uncle's restaurant, PAT ARNEBERGH, the genius cook, came upon the long lost secret of how to make an arnebergher. This dis- covery has opened up a vast new realm of cooking. Recently PAT reluctantly revealed the ingredients of the delicious arnebergher to the Pure Foods and Drug Commission, They were as follows: 3 cups of horse meat 3 beetles' wings 4 gray hairs 5 tbsp. groundhogs' toenails 5 strips of sandpaper for texture Boil 2 hours and serve between sesame seed buns Good luck, PAT, in your new enterprisel OSTROM'S OSTRICH ROAD WORKS We hire out ostriches to dig any kind of ditch. Guaranteed to work better than any mechanical device. FOR SALE: '32 Ford coupe in good running condition if you run with it. See BRUCE HARBOLD, owner, or call YZ 1009. A SURPRISING CATCH A group of young people went on a fishing party. Among the group were ROBERT MENDOZA, LOVERA BLACK, BEATRICE CRUMPTON, DONALD Cl-IURCHWELL, DICK HUMPHREY and CHARLES WILL. They were right in the middle of a school of fish and were having a great time when CHARLES was pulled overboard by the tugging on the end of the line. When they finally fished him out, LOVERA'S line was hooked to the seat of his pants. PILOT ALLEN IMPRISONED ROY ALLEN was sentenced to 89 days in iail by Judge LAURENS EDWARDS of the Student Council for flying through a red light in his Super-Jet Rocket Plane. ALLEN claimed that this mishap was due to the distraction caused by his attractive companion, CAROL CHAMBERLAIN. Judge EDWARDS could not be reached for a statement as he was indulging in his favorite past time of reading the dictionary. SERIOUS AFTER AFFECTS BOBBY HANE met with a tragic yet profitable acci- dent on Friday the 13. She was walking home from school when a builder dropped a plank three stories down and really fixed her good. This had strange effects upon her. Much to her amazement she found that she had a real ability in spelling. LOST by BARBARA PARDUE one beautiful set of brains before final exams. Found the following Monday tucked neatly under her books. MR. THOMAS TO DISPLAY PRIZE WINNING SCOTTY Mr. THOMAS has kindly consented to display his prize winning scotty dog at the Shrine Auditorium this Thursday the 19th. MARION, the dog, has well groomed ears that stand erect and long black stripes running down her back. Mr. THOMAS, the proud owner, will put MARION through her tricks which include balan- cing a ball on her nose, writing her name, and adding up one and one. Be sure to be at the Shrine on Thurs- day to see this remarkable canine. MC DOWELL DISPLAYS GEM AS KNEELING BLUSHES Recently MARILYN MC DOWELL came to school wear- ing what from all appearances was an engagement

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Barbara Parclue Kathleen Rice Mary Eleanor Rough Cecilia Sandahl Mary Jane Savage James Shuemaker Ma rion Scott Floyd Sfansfield 'Donald Churchwell Charles Will lrene Purdy Walter Thomas

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ring. Whether this is real or a dime store purchase has not been determined. An interesting side light is that lately DAVID KNEELING has been turning 3 or 4 dif- ferent shades of red upon mention of MARlLYN'S name. lt is also rumored that DAVID was caught kneeling before MARILYN on the campus last Wednesday. STRANGE AND QUEER NOISES KAY GEDDES, who was formerly a pianist, decided to try somthing new. She has started a band of five instruments. The EISELE sisters had an argument over who would be the clean combist. Since ANNA was the older, she was given the privilege of playing the clean comb and MARLENE was left with the dirty one. The washboard player is DANNY HASISENPFLUG. MARY GIESLER plays the saw excellently. The Jew's harp is played by PAUL LAMBERTON. We can't say much for their harmony, but they produce very unusual music. NEWS FLASH Due to a CHRONICLE staff party RALPH BOWMAN, our editor, overslept and did not write an editorial. In haste he phoned COME AND GET IT MART for an ad for that space. For the sports column GORDON NEILSEN featured the fishy hook story. BERNIE GOMEZ reported on the twins' secret. MARY ELEANOR ROUGH, DONNA EDWARDS, and MARY JANE SAVAGE, very much in a dither, threw the rest of the paper together. Better luck next time. PORTRAIT? In a recent art exhibit we noticed a portrait done in oils by MARGARET EVANS. As we looked closely it bore a faint resemblance to LEON CLUTTERHAM THE MYSTERY OF WATCHOUT AVE. The people of Watchout Avenue were in much dis- tress this morning, because water was rising around their homes. On hunting for the source they found that the water came from beneath the home of the SHUEMAKERS. Much to their amazement they cliscov- ered JAMES trying to intercept the flow of his bubble gum clown the drain. STANSFIELD's Soups Stansfield's Soups hit the spat. Sure to make your ulcers rot. Lots more value, cheaper too, Stansfield's Soup will eat a hole in you. 5c a pk. COME AND GET IT MART Win a PACKARD T. V. Finish this riddle l like MORGAN'S RICE Because it has spice BROWN'S Bunion Pads Quick Relief with much Belief Buy them, try them, prove them 5Oc a pk. PURDY Dresses Plaids for the skinny Stripes for the plump 52.00 each MASON's Jars Don't get yourself in a iam. Use Mason Jars. Guaranteed not to crack unless submitted to high pressure. LUD's WlGs Brown, Black, Blonde, Red Original Horse Hair Straight - 51.00 Curly - 52.00 MC DONALD's Candies Completely non-fat'ning 51.00 lb. .lACKSON's SANDAHLS Cheapest in Town Big Bargain - 2 straps and a sole 51.00 a dozen