Cowley College - Tiger Daze Yearbook (Arkansas City, KS)

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NOAH'S FARCE DEPT. ARKAOOOUIZAH The Sforg of ARKAIAUIH Nobody really knows how Arkooola- Iah got its name. Not really. That's because nobody but me knows my friend, Noah. That's because Noah came to me one night. Ralph, he whispered. Hey Ralph, wake up. Aw c'mon Ralph, don't make me hit you over the head with one of my rabbit foots, 'cause the rabbit this foot came from died away 'fore I did. I opened my eyes. There stood Noah. I promptly re-closed my sleepy little peepers. It wasn't until three min- utes and 28 seconds later II counted theml that I allowed my peepers to peep. And there stood Noah, beard flowing, long white wings carefully folded under his pits, arms crossed - his left hand disdainfully twirling the long, dead rabbit's foot on a T.G.8-Y. chain. C'mon Ralph, I see you peeping, he said, softly. ls you de Lawd? I shivered, sweat- ing and wondering if rabbit feet were just now getting to Heaven. Course not, silly, he scolded. l'm Noah. Remember the guy who herd- ed all those animals on the boat just before Adam forgot to turn off the water pump in the Garden of Eden. Whew! 40 days and 40 nights. When he screws up, he doesn' just mess around! l'm confused. What are you doing in my bedroom? In fact, what are you doing in a small South-Central Kansas town in the fall of 1931? ln fact, what - Cool it Ralph. Lemme explain. You see, the Heavenly Wicked Witches Group IHWWGJ up in Heaven got this report from your fair city. The kids in Ark City are doin' too much damage on Halloween. You've been appointed to find something else for those little brats to do. I think an entertainment evening would be nice. And it might get the HWWG group off my rangatang. They've kidnapped her until the problem is solved. Thank your lucky stars you were picked, Ralph. The Witches could just as easily have chosen Henry Kissinger! Why in the middle of the night? I asked. 'why not? Oh all right. On one condition. You've got to be the hit of the parade. Parade? What parade? Noah queried. Well everybody knows kids love parades, I answered. We'Il have to have a parade, and you've got to be the drawing card. Bring your arc and all those dead animals. We'Il see ole Jack Mercer, and get a trai- lor from him. Hell, ole Jack can get a trailor to haul anything. O.K. I don't want to, but l'd do about anything to get Peaches back. Peaches is my rangatang, ya know. The early dawn coffee pot had be- gun to perk like the Maxwell House commercial. Noah and l had migrat- ed to the living room, and were just opening the second package of Doral Menthols. What will we call this gala event? I coughed. I dunno know, Noah stammered. How 'bout 'Gala Event'? Ick, I wheezed. I know. How 'bout ARKANOAH, since you're going to 26 be the hit of the day. 0.K. by me, he agreed. And so it was. The kids were kept happy and relatively harmless. The grown-ups all ate too many pancakes and dried-up sandwiches while watching the parade. Which brings me back to how Arkaooolalah got its name. Just as the parade marshall got even with the reviewing stand, I stood at the megaphone, ready to announce the major event of the parade. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bellered. It is my pleasure to announce that we are evah so fortunate to have in our midst today, the evah popular Noah. In fact, we've named this fes- tivity in honor of him. We'll call it ARKA , , . At that exact moment the queen's float passed the reviewing stand, and, as is my wont, I noticed them with the same phrase I always no- tice beautiful womeng OOOLALAHI Out came . . . ARKAL00OLALAH! Ark City didn't mind. It had 'ark' in it. And the queens didn't mind - they were flattered. And how do you fight a town and a bunch of queens? So now you know. But what you may not know is that Queen OOOL- ALAH, 1973, Miss Wanda McAdoo and her court may well have been the most beautiful court in the 41- year history of ARKAOOOLALAH. Well, Noah went on back to wher- eever it is he goes. He sent word by a peace dove that Peaches has been recovered. Peaches is his rangatang, you know . . .

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moment later, he was asked what his pleasure was. Oh, uh, ah, he stuttered. I'II .. . take a beer. What kind of beer? asked the bar- tender, glancing at Bob's flashlight. A beer's a beer, answered Bob, smiling llke an idiot. He was given a glass filled with hot foam. Time passed, and, surprisingly, Bob began to have fun. He finished his first draw and had another and then another and then two more. He started to feel a sense of belonging, for the first time in his life. He would join in with the eyes that examined each newcomer that entered. When he heard a shout of Aw-RIGHT! or ALCOHOL! he echoed. He began learning the art of BOOGIE, through his own observation. Suddenly he saw her. HER! He looked again. There she was, in the very same room that he was in. He was looking at her in awe. She was not looking at him at all. i'That's her! he said. There she ls! Bob the Mad Goblin was seeing someone he had never seen before. It was love at first sight. The girl herself sat alone at a booth with a glass of beer. Bob know she was waiting for someone who could lead her fearlessly into the darkened corners of love and ecstacy without looking back. One more beer, he thought. He ordered another and turned to her, utilizing the raw perception of his naked eye. She was not beautiful. In fact, she was ugly. But Bob didn't really care. Beauty is only skin deep, he thought. Loveliness is a thing ofthe mind. Good looks are in the eys of the beholder. Am I horny! He quckly lunched his brew and nearly blew his lunch as he found his way off of the bar stool to the floor. When he got up off the floor, he shook his head very slowly, checked his flashlight, and headed for the doggy chlck. What'lI l say? he thought. What'II she think ? he said. He saw that she was looking his way. He swallowed the dread that had come up in his throat and staggered confi- dently to her booth. I love you, he said, and belched. She looked into his red, blinking eyes with a look of interest and undersanding. V H Huh? she said nervously. My name is Bob. Mind if I sit down? Sit down-, Bob. My name is Jill. He sat down beside her, put his elbow on the table, and gazed into her eyes, his head resting on his hand, until she looked away. For minutes, they sat, hlm staring at her, her staring at her glass, until he said at last, Can I buy you another? 'No, no. I - Two beers, he hollered at the passing bar maid, who didn't happen to hear him. . Jill said very little. She was obviously freaked out! l'm sorry, Jill. I didn't mean to freak you out. I'II -- l'll go away Oh, no, Bob. Don't go, she said. I like ,your company. There's something about you that's different from other boys. Bob the Gob chuckled. Then he leaned toward her. . Want to know a secret? Promise you won't tell? Jill nodded sincerely. Bob looked around, gripped his flashlight firmly, leaned closer to her, and whispered, l'm a Mad Goblln. At that moment, he music stopped, as did all conversation in the beer joint. Every eye fell at once upon Bob. The sllence lasted one second, followed by a girI's scream of MAD GOBLlN! Then nearly everyone, screaming and yelling, pushed frantically and hysterically to get out ofthe building. Several faintings 25 occured, one of which frightened Bob so much,.he rose from his seat only to be caught in the frenzy of Mad.Humans. He lost track of Jill, which was the least of his worries in struggling for survival. He soon found himself outside the beer joint and barely escaped the mass of panic-driven force that had carried him there. I . He spent the night, bruised and battered, lying on his flashlight in an alley midst light breezes that his torn jacket was notfortress against. Early the next morning, Bob Goblin opened his eyes, remembered, and closed his eyes. He lay awake for nearly an hour without moving. His head pounded and his stomach muscles plotted against him. My soul is destroyed, he thought. My head is, for sure! I am going to die. He lay very still without opening his eyes, until a hand touched his face. The hand was light and soft, but he offered no response to its touch. Then he heard a girI's voice say, Everythin.g's all right now, Bob. I love you. The comforting tones of JiII's voice lifted his spirits and ignited .a new hope within him. His soul had not been destroyed, but had only just been recreated in the frame ofanother. ' Bob sat up very slowly and opened his eyes. When he saw her face, he threw up all over his flashlight. '

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UWM? EEN ALM! Li , ,f , 1 Z4 , 1 M ,. , N A A. cf' 4 fi f W J 74. fa W ' 4 so . ' , , A5 , A or A ., A, is , '111' ':f1 Even though the day dawns bleak and dreary the Queen and her court show all smiles as Q X is x 5 Qt -5,6 A Mk V. ,X V. their float passes the throngs of spectators watching the parade. I arf N1 X Queen Wanda McAdoo, receives her crown from last year's queen, Peggy Henry. K t x Q, i f St ,V A , t Q, watts t .Q ,, N .I -PES! , ki ,.., Y' ' 3 E .N Wt, , 52 gifts 52 f ixvfd as ff' X45 I Y This year's Queen Alalah and her court: Diane Baerg, Rosalee Ball, Queen Wanda McAdoo, Sheila Bahruth, and Pam Peterson. This year's celebration is the forty-first. f7