Cowley College - Tiger Daze Yearbook (Arkansas City, KS)

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moment later, he was asked what his pleasure was. Oh, uh, ah, he stuttered. I'II .. . take a beer. What kind of beer? asked the bar- tender, glancing at Bob's flashlight. A beer's a beer, answered Bob, smiling llke an idiot. He was given a glass filled with hot foam. Time passed, and, surprisingly, Bob began to have fun. He finished his first draw and had another and then another and then two more. He started to feel a sense of belonging, for the first time in his life. He would join in with the eyes that examined each newcomer that entered. When he heard a shout of Aw-RIGHT! or ALCOHOL! he echoed. He began learning the art of BOOGIE, through his own observation. Suddenly he saw her. HER! He looked again. There she was, in the very same room that he was in. He was looking at her in awe. She was not looking at him at all. i'That's her! he said. There she ls! Bob the Mad Goblin was seeing someone he had never seen before. It was love at first sight. The girl herself sat alone at a booth with a glass of beer. Bob know she was waiting for someone who could lead her fearlessly into the darkened corners of love and ecstacy without looking back. One more beer, he thought. He ordered another and turned to her, utilizing the raw perception of his naked eye. She was not beautiful. In fact, she was ugly. But Bob didn't really care. Beauty is only skin deep, he thought. Loveliness is a thing ofthe mind. Good looks are in the eys of the beholder. Am I horny! He quckly lunched his brew and nearly blew his lunch as he found his way off of the bar stool to the floor. When he got up off the floor, he shook his head very slowly, checked his flashlight, and headed for the doggy chlck. What'lI l say? he thought. What'II she think ? he said. He saw that she was looking his way. He swallowed the dread that had come up in his throat and staggered confi- dently to her booth. I love you, he said, and belched. She looked into his red, blinking eyes with a look of interest and undersanding. V H Huh? she said nervously. My name is Bob. Mind if I sit down? Sit down-, Bob. My name is Jill. He sat down beside her, put his elbow on the table, and gazed into her eyes, his head resting on his hand, until she looked away. For minutes, they sat, hlm staring at her, her staring at her glass, until he said at last, Can I buy you another? 'No, no. I - Two beers, he hollered at the passing bar maid, who didn't happen to hear him. . Jill said very little. She was obviously freaked out! l'm sorry, Jill. I didn't mean to freak you out. I'II -- l'll go away Oh, no, Bob. Don't go, she said. I like ,your company. There's something about you that's different from other boys. Bob the Gob chuckled. Then he leaned toward her. . Want to know a secret? Promise you won't tell? Jill nodded sincerely. Bob looked around, gripped his flashlight firmly, leaned closer to her, and whispered, l'm a Mad Goblln. At that moment, he music stopped, as did all conversation in the beer joint. Every eye fell at once upon Bob. The sllence lasted one second, followed by a girI's scream of MAD GOBLlN! Then nearly everyone, screaming and yelling, pushed frantically and hysterically to get out ofthe building. Several faintings 25 occured, one of which frightened Bob so much,.he rose from his seat only to be caught in the frenzy of Mad.Humans. He lost track of Jill, which was the least of his worries in struggling for survival. He soon found himself outside the beer joint and barely escaped the mass of panic-driven force that had carried him there. I . He spent the night, bruised and battered, lying on his flashlight in an alley midst light breezes that his torn jacket was notfortress against. Early the next morning, Bob Goblin opened his eyes, remembered, and closed his eyes. He lay awake for nearly an hour without moving. His head pounded and his stomach muscles plotted against him. My soul is destroyed, he thought. My head is, for sure! I am going to die. He lay very still without opening his eyes, until a hand touched his face. The hand was light and soft, but he offered no response to its touch. Then he heard a girI's voice say, Everythin.g's all right now, Bob. I love you. The comforting tones of JiII's voice lifted his spirits and ignited .a new hope within him. His soul had not been destroyed, but had only just been recreated in the frame ofanother. ' Bob sat up very slowly and opened his eyes. When he saw her face, he threw up all over his flashlight. '

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v,f?lfl?bllARYfREPROACH nerr. I . , , . GOBLIN WITH TH WIND Dis meetln' 'of de Mad Gobllns Lonely Hearts Soclety ls here - by and rat now adlolned. Next meetln' will be Wednesday mawnln' ln de C0 - double-6 college llberry. So dress aocordln'ly and don't ferget de bow- lln' tolnament tomorra night. The Sublime Domlno pounded hls gavel to lndlcate the end of another seselon of loneliness. Mad Gobllns and their volces began to rlse as the house llghts came on . Bob Goblln turned to make hls way towards a ,nearby exlt. The crowd of llad Gobllns before hlm moved unbelievably slow, as some of the more elderly members had severe leg cramps. l-le tried to push through, but only, found himself pushed back even farther than he had been. So he relaxed and let patlence enter hls velns. Allthese Mad Goblins. he thought as he went. All these Mad Goblins and not one girlllll True. The Mad Gobllns Lonely l-learts 8oclety's roll call llst conslsted of 165 names, all male. Orlglnally, the club had been formed to brlng together lonely boy Mad Gobllns and lonely glrl Mad Gobllns, but always there had been only girl-mad. boy Mad Gobllns. Every Wednesday mornlng, the Qoclety rnetln the most vacant looatlon avallable. Past meetings had been held on the fourth floor of llewman's department store. ln the old Methodlst Church, ln the COCC audltorlum during a pep assembly, and ln Dan Reeder's refrlgerator. But never was a female llad Goblin pllseftt. Once a month. the IIGLHS hlred the same local band and held a dence. lllustrloue wall-to-wall decoretlons, refreshments, and 'special- ly, added entertalnment completed ,the recreatlon, but dld not encourage attendance. flo glrl ever came. and the band usually went home early. ' - 139359 1 F byGlrySmltll Once a year, a speclal party was held for members who were leavlng the Society to get married. These partlee always were cancelled, though, due to the fact that no member evergotmarrled. At last, Bob made lt outslde the bulldlng and stopped. Some of the members were pals wlth one another, but Bob dldn't have any frlends at all except Mrs. Mass at the l-lome. and Sublime Domlno, who had flrst lnvlted hlm to loin the Mad Gobllns Lonely Hearts Society. Don't let lt glt yer goat, Bob, the Subllrne Domino had told hlm. As soon as one o' us glts a dame, de rest o' us got lt made! And now, slx years later, Bob was yet to see ne fellow member wlth a chlck. But he walted calmly for hls day to come. ln fact, that was all he llved for. Llfe at the Home forlfayward Mad Gobllns was comfortable and easy, and Mrs. Mass rarely beat hlm. ex- cept when he offended the other residents by forgetting to make their beds or empty thelr trash, as was Bob 'the Gob's job. But the lonellness of hls llfe was always foremost In hls mlnd. lfle had llved In the Home slnce the age of fourteen, at which tlme he announced to hls lovlng middle- class parents ln Caldwell, Idaho that he was wayware. Bob looked up the long street that led to the l-lome, put hls hands ln hls pockets. and started-on hls way. That nlght, televlslon offered llt- tle fn the way of pleaslble entertainment. Bob's set wasnft endowed wlth the maglcal advantages of cable. so hls cholces wenllmlted. I cannot take this anymore! he suddenly declded. Television is lmpartinent anyway! Bob grabbed hls coat and flashllght and made hls escape through the flre exft. L za lla walked up to Maln Street. where he found several empty stores wlth padlocks on -thelr doors. The nlght breeze blew up the beck of hls coat as he stood near a dlsplay window offerlng the very latest ln between - tow deodorant and whlte tooth dye. two ltems that the publlc dldnlt recognlzeas necessities until after belng informed by the aduertlslng people that both were essential ln proper grooming. Bob looked into the street and ob- served automobllee of every color. shape, slze, make, speed, and noise level. They dodged, darted, and dashed back and forth before hlm. never glvlng the street flve seconds rest. A glrl wlth long halr stuck her head out of one crowded vehlcle, yelled somethlng nonsensical, and laughed loudly as she, passed untll her volce could no longer be heard by the lonely Mad Goblin on the corner. ' , Bob shrugged hls shoulders and headed toward the local young people's tavern - the Round House. lla knew he was not golng to go ln, but he was wrong. Standlng before the entrance holding his flaehllght, he caught another nlght breeze and decided to go ln for the excluslve purpose of gettlng warm. As he walked through the door, nearly everyone ln the tavern looked up to see who had entered. This bothered Bob sllghtly, having never been ln a bar ln hls llfe. but me congregational stare lasted no longer than a glance. and he lxnew he was safe from recognition. Not one person ln the bar realized mat he was a Mad Goblin. llernovedveryslowlydown thealale between drlnklng booths. lla had to move very slowly becuase of the lmmenslty of the crowd.. Flnal y, through the thlck smolxe and loud rnuslo. Bob anrlved at the counter and sat-down on e bsrstool. A

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NOAH'S FARCE DEPT. ARKAOOOUIZAH The Sforg of ARKAIAUIH Nobody really knows how Arkooola- Iah got its name. Not really. That's because nobody but me knows my friend, Noah. That's because Noah came to me one night. Ralph, he whispered. Hey Ralph, wake up. Aw c'mon Ralph, don't make me hit you over the head with one of my rabbit foots, 'cause the rabbit this foot came from died away 'fore I did. I opened my eyes. There stood Noah. I promptly re-closed my sleepy little peepers. It wasn't until three min- utes and 28 seconds later II counted theml that I allowed my peepers to peep. And there stood Noah, beard flowing, long white wings carefully folded under his pits, arms crossed - his left hand disdainfully twirling the long, dead rabbit's foot on a T.G.8-Y. chain. C'mon Ralph, I see you peeping, he said, softly. ls you de Lawd? I shivered, sweat- ing and wondering if rabbit feet were just now getting to Heaven. Course not, silly, he scolded. l'm Noah. Remember the guy who herd- ed all those animals on the boat just before Adam forgot to turn off the water pump in the Garden of Eden. Whew! 40 days and 40 nights. When he screws up, he doesn' just mess around! l'm confused. What are you doing in my bedroom? In fact, what are you doing in a small South-Central Kansas town in the fall of 1931? ln fact, what - Cool it Ralph. Lemme explain. You see, the Heavenly Wicked Witches Group IHWWGJ up in Heaven got this report from your fair city. The kids in Ark City are doin' too much damage on Halloween. You've been appointed to find something else for those little brats to do. I think an entertainment evening would be nice. And it might get the HWWG group off my rangatang. They've kidnapped her until the problem is solved. Thank your lucky stars you were picked, Ralph. The Witches could just as easily have chosen Henry Kissinger! Why in the middle of the night? I asked. 'why not? Oh all right. On one condition. You've got to be the hit of the parade. Parade? What parade? Noah queried. Well everybody knows kids love parades, I answered. We'Il have to have a parade, and you've got to be the drawing card. Bring your arc and all those dead animals. We'Il see ole Jack Mercer, and get a trai- lor from him. Hell, ole Jack can get a trailor to haul anything. O.K. I don't want to, but l'd do about anything to get Peaches back. Peaches is my rangatang, ya know. The early dawn coffee pot had be- gun to perk like the Maxwell House commercial. Noah and l had migrat- ed to the living room, and were just opening the second package of Doral Menthols. What will we call this gala event? I coughed. I dunno know, Noah stammered. How 'bout 'Gala Event'? Ick, I wheezed. I know. How 'bout ARKANOAH, since you're going to 26 be the hit of the day. 0.K. by me, he agreed. And so it was. The kids were kept happy and relatively harmless. The grown-ups all ate too many pancakes and dried-up sandwiches while watching the parade. Which brings me back to how Arkaooolalah got its name. Just as the parade marshall got even with the reviewing stand, I stood at the megaphone, ready to announce the major event of the parade. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bellered. It is my pleasure to announce that we are evah so fortunate to have in our midst today, the evah popular Noah. In fact, we've named this fes- tivity in honor of him. We'll call it ARKA , , . At that exact moment the queen's float passed the reviewing stand, and, as is my wont, I noticed them with the same phrase I always no- tice beautiful womeng OOOLALAHI Out came . . . ARKAL00OLALAH! Ark City didn't mind. It had 'ark' in it. And the queens didn't mind - they were flattered. And how do you fight a town and a bunch of queens? So now you know. But what you may not know is that Queen OOOL- ALAH, 1973, Miss Wanda McAdoo and her court may well have been the most beautiful court in the 41- year history of ARKAOOOLALAH. Well, Noah went on back to wher- eever it is he goes. He sent word by a peace dove that Peaches has been recovered. Peaches is his rangatang, you know . . .