Covington High School - Lest We Forget Yearbook (Covington, KY)

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O, you foul tyrant of poor womankind. Ye murderer of all our sex's rights. But enough. My soul doth tremble at the very thought ' of her. Though now I'm but a shade, quite soon I'll be a shadow. lEnter Diogenes to the tune of !'No Vtfedding Bells for Me. j Out on thee, villains. Is't not enough for thee That I must bear the burden of Xanthippe's ire Without reproaching that I took the fatal step? O Hermes, had I only now thy winged shoes! !Xanthippe enters softly and is unnoticedj I'd hide myself in air-but now there's only- Xcmthippe- Booze! Yes, of courseg what else could one expect? lEnter a page.l Page-VVhat, ho! VVay for His Majesty, the Devil, who comes to hold his royal court! Way! Way! ll-Inter His Royal Highness, with his train of illustrious shades.j Satan Ccomes to center of stagel-Ladies and gentlemen, all! Through the assistance of Sir Walter and Queen Bess, we have got possession of this human being. Now, as is the custom on our holidays, we will proceed to have some fun. We think that the best way to do so is to court martial him. Are you all agreed? All-Quite agreed, Your Majesty. Satcm-Very good. The next thing is, who will be the judge? Nominations are in order. Portia-Your Majesty, although I know that I am hardly worthy of so great- Gobbo-Then sit down and save your breath. Satan--Order, please. No, Portia, I'm afraid we can't have you. Down here, I admit, we have very little justice, and even that wouldn't pass the Pure Food inspection, but your justice is too much like the brand Leopold is exporting to the negroes in the Congo. Shylock-VVell, don't you worry, Portia. Take some of this candy. It's fine. I 46 D in

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Sir Walter Qexpostulatingj-You see, it was this way, Eliza. QSees Clarencej Well, I'll be Habbergasted! Elizabeth-And what do you think of that? Sir Walter--Let's have some fun with him. Well, I'll be Habber- gasted if there isn't Mary. Hello, Mary! fEnter Mary, Queen of Scotsj Marry-Good evening Sir Walter. Sir lE1izabeth sits down on a bench with her hack to Mary, and gazes at the moon.j Ufailter-Say, Mary, look at this specimen we've got. Let's wake him up and have a court martial. XVhere's the rest of the crowd? Mary-Satan's having an argument with Blackstone whether Sir furnace or steam heat is better for his business: Xanthippe's giving Socrates a lecture on W'oman's Suffrage: Hamlet's arguing with Bob Ingersoll on Spiritualismg Cleopatra's just crossed the Styx to visit- VValter-Wait a minute, Mary. I didn't ask you for an Erlanger society column. Well, you go get His Satanic Majesty, and Liz and I will get the rest. lExit Maryj Elisabeth fstill gazing at the nioonj-Is she gone? Sir Walter-Yes, my dear. But, by the way, can't you cut out this ceaseless scrapping? I should think you had enough on top of the earth, without coming down the elevator and continuing your quarrels in the basement. Elisabeth-Let's not continue the subject, not to-night. anyway: Sir for we won't be allowed to come to earth again for a thou- sand years, and we might as well make the best of our holiday. Walter--Sure. VVell, let's get the rest of the bunch. lExeunt.1 iEnter Socrates, wild and distractedj Socrates-Great Czesar's ghost and little iishes! The limit is sure reached! Xanthippe's ever at my heels. Her shouts and ravings drive me to distraction. At home she's always shouting-and with rolling pin upraised- C455

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lPortia takes a piece of the April-fool candy, after eating which she suddenly remembers that she has an engage- ment with Bassanio at the fountain. Exit.j Satan-Well, I see that I'll have to do the judging act myselfg but, say, we have failed to take one thing into consideration: How are we, shades, going to talk to a human being? Sug- gestions? Sherlock Holmes-Your Majesty, I have here, as you see, a little vial. This is filled with the latest product of my chemical research. Injected into the human arm, it will cause the soul to separate from the body for ten minutes. Sir lVa1te1' fasiclej-Well, I'll be Habbergasted. Holnzcs-The name of this chemical is Tetrahydroxide of Man- genpotass- Satan-You can give us the rest on the easy-payment plan, Sherlock. Get busy and put some of your vaseline in that fellow's arm. lSherlock goes to the sleeping Clarence, and injects some 'of the tetra, etc., in his arm. The shade of Clarence issues forthwith, when it is captured and brought before Satan.j Shade of Clarence frubbing its eye socketsl--W'h-wl1at's the- Satan-Don't waste your breath, young man, till you're spoken to. You have been brought before this court on the charge of- fTo courtj-Gee whiz! VVhat'll we charge him with? Gobbo Csotto vocej-Electricity. Holmvs.-Drunkenness.- Satan-Thanks. CTO Clarencej-On a charge of drunkenness and disorderly conduct. Guilty or not guilty? Clarmz-ce-XVell, I couldn't weally say: don't you- Satafz-Then don't try to. Do you drink? C1m'e1zice-W'eally- Satan-Do you smoke? C1arc'1zc0-NVeally. your- Satan-VVell, you'll be on fire after you've visited me for a while. CTO courtl-After due consideration, we find this man guilty. Are you satisfied with the verdict? All-Perfectly. Satan-All right, then. Next, suggestions are in order for his penalty. C Silencej Speak louder, please. I Continued silence.l O, speak up, somebody! Say something, Ham!