Cornell University Medical College - Samaritan Yearbook (New York, NY)

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IS MODERN MEDICINE OBSOLETE? A tired young fellow Who felt far from mellow Came into the clinic one May. He was charted and graded And later persuaded To come back on a subsequent day. In june he returned Feeling rather concerned Said, My sex life's been rather imprudent. I've made quite a splash, I've a sore and a rash, And Ilm sick. He was seen by a student. The student was keen. He knew what he'd seen. Addisonian crisis, he swore. The attending was sage, Of conservative age, Said, This man must be seen on the floor. Then up to the ward With a bill for his board. His urine and blood count were done, stat. The plasma cells mounted Each time they were counted Till the intern was ordered to run that. Plasma chlorides were high, AfG ratio awry, He had seventeen pounds of urea, The Mazzini was doubtful, The urease goutful, Molar lactate proved no panacea. Ophthalmologists implored That his iris be explored. By the sinus plate the house staff men were shaken. Cardiologists all faltered For the T-waves seemed unaltered, Or perhaps had digitalis not been taken. He was covered with wheals From his ears to his heels. His own finger nail beds were indicted. Allergy made broad hints That some long bamboo splints Should be shoved neath his nails and ignited. 01 The Art of Physical Diagnosis - 5' ap , .al 9-.A Q if tl W I X tg 1- H -t- fb And now Mir: Goldfogel let me reayrure you once again that we helieue your zrouhle ir all in your head. There were rales at the base And spots on his face. g The spleen was pushed to the axilla. The palate was cleft, BUT toe movements were deft. The eyelids ptosed down the maxilla. The thyroid was small, And the man had no gall. His B. M.'s were whiter than snow. Though his prostate protruded No sperm were exuded. He'd come about as fur as he could go. The neurologist came And pronounced a strange name. This man has no cauda equinaf' The urologist frowned. He could not pass a sound Through the calyces,'major or mina. ENT wasn't sure Whether hearing was poor. At least the carina was pink. Roentgenology conceded That repeated plates were needed. The xiphoid suggested a kink. V in J i I9 -f r-sf N Ah, I knew I had hroughl it along - .46. The surgeons decided Time couldn't lbe bided. - Direct observation was urgent. Dermatology debated For the soap brand wasn't stated. They ordered a sulphur detergent. GYN then requested That estrone be tested. The belly was really quite big. But GI denied A fetus inside And called for a thingamajig. There was a suspicion A pediatrician Had too strictly managed his early nutrition A startling remission Of this sad condition Was wrought by a beauteous, young dietitian. The pathologists proved If a piece were removed They could -muddle the problem with ease. Orthopedics had doted, And arthritis noted, The turbulent state of his knees. But to answer the call I With just one amytal Came the probers of Medicine A. They explored his life history, Unravelled the mystery, And had this quite simply to say: You have all done your best With appropriate zest But deserve only slight commendation. This is perfectly clear, You'll agree when you hear, That it's purely his life situation. Envoi: Oh, it's only his life situation, boys, It's only his life situation. This is perfectly clear, You'l1 agree when you hear, That it's only his life situation. Morton David Bogdonof Richard Horace Granger

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Editor Dr. Edwfzrdr and Ad77Zil7iIf7'!lli1!6 Office Stajjz Mrf. Lemezz, Min N ewtozz, Min Rainey. CORNELL MEDICAL JOURNAL Senior EditorJ Morton David Bogdonoff Robert Leroy Dow David Elliott Rogers Arrorifzte Editorf Agnes Burt William Peter McCann Bztrirzerf MdIZdg67'J , r,,. - .,,.,.,.,.,,. Albert Burchheld Craig, Ir. Lowell Lowell Editorial Staff joan Kay Barber Eric Theodore Carlson John Alfred Crago Frederick Francis Flach Robert William Kircher John Henry Laragh Norval Mason Marr Francis Assman Wood - Editorial Adoiror George Wolf, jr, M.D. THE SAMARITAN Florence Nightingale Marshall Richard Horace Granger Editorial Board john james O'Donnell, jr. Robert Archer Wood Pullman Morton David Bogdonoff Robert Thomson Breed Albert Burchfield Crai Michael Rapak Roderick Clark Richards Warren Glea Sarrell. Olin Gri sb Shivers r. 8 John Henry Laragh David Elliott Rogers Donald Karl Stockdale Burinerr Manager Nancy Marie Peters Tredfurer James White Sayre Bufinerf Board James Melvin Colville Christian J. DeWinter g ay , I james Tuthill Weston Warren Harry Williams Photography Editor Bernard Rodier Pbotogrtzitby Board Alan Iddles Norval Mason Marr, Ir. Olin Grigsby Shivers, lf' Theodore Farrington Thomas , Milf Mary E. Gletzfozz, Exemtive Secretary Clayton Rlfh, Jr' C.U.M.C. Alumni Affotiatiozz. Gerard Lester Eastman Art Sidi? Douglas Arbuckle Haddow Gerard Lester Eastman Robffft Charles Hardy Edwin Munroe Knights, jr. Geofge Henry Vogt .450

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e a h Q X ' 5 33 sex e, Q Ive Bwlm Mme-V-He cfm!! Play Il. Dr. Bam Perfo17225-Fafzzlly-Senior After the Ball 117:11 Over. B eer Party. Bioryfzzbeyix-Marcia and AI Iddlex. Medina! Slzzdefztf and Nurxef Give F:zfbi0zz Show. Cardiac Cezperf-Free Beer. .470 1' ,, ' 1, x f ,Z V .fu Proud Papa-Ray Haag and Daughter