Conyngham Centralia Joint High School - Iris Yearbook (Aristes, PA)

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IRIS HERE'S A FOWL ONE, BOYS Waiter:- Chicken? Ruth Widdis:- Yes. Waiter :- Neck? Ruth :- Yes, if it's dark and he's the right kind of a boy. He :- Say, Myrtle, that's a fine coat of tan you have for this time of year. She :- It ought to be. I've done everything under the sun to get it. if ik Sk if HE WASN'T DOUBLE JOINTED Usher:-'Please sit down in front. Miles :-HI can't, I'm not built that way. Pk wk Pk 44 Harry :- My watch has gone wrong. Helen :- The result of environment. ik ik Dk if Lewis:- At my age I'm resigned. Take what you can get. Emily :- Something with life. bk Pk ik fl: Ruth and Grace , 'llke and Mike they think alike. PK Pk PK Pk NATURE STUDIES Fred Miller :- Why doesn't the pretty kitty climb the tree? Clyde Neiswinter:- It can't, it's a pole cat. Pk PK Pk Pk YY Ross :- Why are you scratching yourself, Lamar? Lamar :- Because I'm the only one who knows where I itch. FK Pk Pk Pk It is absolutely a mark of ill breeding for a Freshman to address a Senior before first rinsing the mouth with lysol, listerine, carbolic acid, or what have you? :lf PF if Fl: What is the correct rate of speed at which a Freshman's teeth should chatter upon receipt of a summons from Mr. Kostenbauder's office? Pk H4 FF PK Ross z- The whole town's goin' to blazes. ' Mr. McDonald :- How come? Ross :- Fire down the street. :F if Pk Pk Lewis:-- O, all right. Have it your own way. Grace 2- Yes, dear, for your sake. Pk vp ff 4- PRESSING THOUGHT Mr. Miles:- You should think of the future. Lewis :- I can't. It's my girl's birthday and I have to think of the present. Bk Dk ak FIC Herbert llafter forty minutes' conversationll:- Hello, Central! Can't I get a better line? Central lfwho has heard most of itll:- What's the matter with the one you have? :lf il' ik Pk Myrtle Klischer:-f'I'd like to get some typewriting supplies. Floorwalker:-- Yes Madam. Cosmetic, candy and perfume department, second aisle to the left. Dk Pk Sli bk Grace Widdis :-'lOur lawn mower from the Smiths, and our snow shovel from the Joneses, and our baby carriage from the Bumps. A 32

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IRIS SEEMS SO james Kostenbauder:- What is life insurance? Harry Raker:-'4It's keeping a man poor all his life, so he can die rich. Pk bk bk Pk SUCCEEDED ANY WAY Clarence Tilmont:- I've made some money, Professor, and I want to do something for my school. Do you remember in what studies I excelled? Mr. R. Kostenbauder:-- In my class you slept most of the time. Clarence :- Um, well, I'll endow a dormitory. Sk Bk il! Pk THE COMEBACK Herbert Fennessy a fresh young man, was taking a stroll in the country. He ap- proached a stooped old farmer out in the Held. Why is it he asked, that you were so careless as to let yourself get so bent? I'll tell ye, said the old sod buster. See that field of wheat out there? Well my boy, ye'll take notice that it's the stalks that's got somethin' in their heads that's a leanin' over. lk ik Pk ik WATCH YOUR STEP Clarence Tilmont:-- What is the difference between an old man, a young man, and a worm? - Ruth Widdis:- There is no difference-a chicken gets them all. Dk Pk Pk Ik Miss Bodman:- Correct this sentence: The fjords of Norway are very rough. joe Linetty:- You've got Fords spelled wrong. ik Pk Pk Ulf A SPENDTHRIFT Lamar Davis:- May I spend the evening with you, Hannah? . Hannah Rupert :-- No sir, you certainly cannot. Lamar:- Well, you needn't get funny: I didn't mean this evening, but some stormy one when I can't go anywhere else. Pl! ak :lf Pl' NOTHING DOING Herbert lfto a pretty typistllz- Are you doing anything this evening, Ruth? Ruth Widis lfhopefullyllz-UNO, not a thing. Herb :-f'Then try to be at class earlier to-morrow morning will you? Pk Ik 'll Pk WELL DONE Miss Bodman:- What is the definition of anecdote? Ralph Halkyard :- A short funny tale. Miss Bodman:- Give a sentence using the word. Ralph :- A dog ran down the street with a tin can tied to his anecdote. fl' ill ak Dk ATTENTION GIRLS The advertisement offered, for fifty cents, a receipe by which to whiten the hands and soften them. Girls who sent the money received the following directions: Soak the hands three times a day in dish water while mother rests. ik Pl! Sli Pk WHY ARGUE Mr. R. Kostenbauder 1- Can you prove that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two sides of the triangle? Clarence:- I don't have to prove it. I admit it. 33

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IRIS HJOKESH As soon as Mary Kostenbauder discovers what makes the Tower of Pisa lean, she'll take some herself. Pk BF ik :lf Thomas Maguire is such a wise cracker the Uneeda Biscuit Company has offered him a job. I as xc an ae It is Lewis Stivitts' opinion that when Longfellow wrote Tell me not in mornful numbers, he was riding in a taxi. ' if :lf vk Pl! joe Linetty knows a man who took out a fire insurance policy on his bride because she had a wooden leg. fl' 44 lk Pk We hear that Mr. McDonald, while painting the roof of his house, fell OH, and lit on his bay window. Sli Pk wk PF - 'My Rose , cried Lewis, as he pressed Grace's velvet cheek to his. My Cactus , she said as she encountered his stubbles. SK Pl! wk ,li ROSS KOSTENBAUDER'S REQUEST Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your gears. wk FK Bk Dk Fennessy :- You don't mind if I turn down the gas, do you dear? I've been work- ing on a lot of figures all day and myeyes are so tired? DF Pk ik ik To those who talk and talk and talk, This proverb should appeal: The steam that blows the whistle Will never turn the wheel. ik Pk PF Pk Clyde says, Some folks are so dumb they think bacteria is the rear entrance to a cafeteria. wk FK elf Dk SO SAY'S JIM, My mother used cold cream, My father used latherg My sweetheart used talcum, At least that's what I gather. , ar 4: ik sf Clarence :- I'm from Missouri, you'll have to show me. Sadie :- I'm from Elgin, watch me. PF wk Pk Fl! Ruth was almost drowned the other night when the pillow slipped, the .bed spread, and she fell in the spring. ik PF if ill Susie :- How did you lose your teeth, Herbert? Herb 1- Shifting gears on a lolly-pop. ak Pk lk Dk CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD! Mrs. R. Kostenbauder:- jim, get up. There's a burglar downstairs. Mr. Kostenbauder 1- You go, dear-he'll think twice before he hits a woman. ,Q 31