Conshohocken High School - Echo Yearbook (Conshohocken, PA)

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IlLl'E ANT) GOLD 15 HUMOR Lady—“Is ihis a camel’s hair brush?” Clerk—“Aw, git on! Camels don’t brush their hair. Please take this, said the business man, as he kissed his pretty stenographer. “Do you think this suit is alright for a bridge date? “What bridge is it on?” I suppose you will commit suicide if I refuse you.” “Ah-er-that has been my custom.” “Yes, mam, everything is alright but the cuspidor. Yes, the spitometer.” David: “What are you laughing at?’’ Asst.: “Oh, I just put a flapper in a room with a thousand hats, and no mir- ror. Louis Sponar is kinda old for his age. Bill Ewing has a job for this summer. All he has to do is to let his beard grow and help pop Irwin sweep up the floor. Hotel Clerk: “I can give you a room for three dollars and I can give you a hath for a dollar.” Lady: “Don’t get funny young man, I can give myself a hath for nothing.” Louis Sponar: Can you give an eight- letter word meaning a flapper?” Ray Freas: “No, I don’t believe I can.” Louis Sponar: “A bungalow shingled in hack, painted in front, and no attic.” Ray Freas: Haw! Haw! (horse laugh.) “What is it that flies in the air and has six legs?” “I don’t know. “Three robins.” Buck Ruth: “You can’t do it—you can’t do it—I tell you you can’t do it. Paul Righter: “Do what?” Buck Ruth: “Drive a Ford under a trolley car with the top up. “These four-wheeled brakes are won- derful things. Bill. “Why, what makes you think that? Well, you only knock a pedestrian down now, but you used to run over them. too. “How about it, chauffeur, is every- thing alright? Do you have plenty of gas, oil. and water, the engine running O. K... the wheels all on, everything al- right?” Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to he so quiet that you can hear a gum drop.” Sh-Sh-sh-mv foot’s asleep. “Johnny, what does a horse live on?” “The earth.” If Samuel Kessler’s nose was a little longer, it would make a good oil can. Jimmy Mellon might be witty, but John Greenleaf was whittier. Ikcy Moore: “These are the best stock- ings in the country, the longer you wear them the stronger they get.” Lady: Naturally.” She (after argument): “I’m going home to mother.” He: “That’s better than having her come here.” —Western. He (at 11 P. M.). “When I was a boy I used to ring doorbells and run away.” She (yawning). “And now you ring Fresh (digging dirt out of hole). “What shall I do with this dirt?” Mr. Alker (absently). “Dig anothei ho!c.”

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r.U'K AND (5DI.D Paul Roberts—You will become a great inventor of a new system of longhand writing. We know that it will be success- ful for you are now at work trying to de- velop it. May Starke—May will be a leading woman in politics and will, very likely, run for governor. Ella Duncan—Ella, you will become an expert public accountant—with accent on the expert. Franklin Goshaw—You will be a great help to humanity. You will be a source o uplift to many people—as an elevator boy in Philadelphia. Carl Faust—We can easily picture Carl as a peppery peculiar and pepper-minted henpecked husband. We all wish you luck, Carl. Virginia Ramsey—We see you as the “World’s Champion Typist.” Stuart MacKenzie—You will he a great draftsman. You will draw the plans for the subway under the river from Philadel- phia to Camden. Catherine Kirkpatrick—You will be- come a great lawyer—the pride of your sex at the bar. Ella Johnson—You will he a ‘Love Expert’ on one of the New York City newspapers. Catherine Reiger—You will he a great surgeon and the pride of Conshohocekn. Nelson Stuhlmuller—Nelson old dear, you will he a noted teacher at a Corre- spondence School on the subject of How to play a Yictrola in Ten Days.” Charles Kindregan—You will he an en- gineer. The first to build a one-span bridge over Plymouth Creek. “HOT DIGGITISS” By Frank (Goat) Gilinger Baa! ! My niece while skating was asked by my father how she had learned to skate. “Well,” she replied, “Just by getting up every time I fell down. Applicant: “Is this place good for the nerves?” Hotel Clerk: “Oh! my, yes before I came I only had the nerve to charge fif- teen, now I have the nerve to charge sixty.” Mr. Erb—“What is a molecule?” George:—“What an Englishman wears •in his eyes.” Goat— Hey, Chess, this is my latest masterpiece. In fact, it’s so good, ten thousand wouldn’t buy it.” Chess—es, I’m one of the ten thou- sand who wouldn’t,” Mary Alice Wiliams (at piano)—“This key wont play.” Miss Griffith—“Never mind, I’ll make a note of it. John Beyer—“You dance wonderfully well.” Ruth Wood (bitterly)—“I wish I could say the same of you. John Beyer— You could if you could he like 1 am.” Hostess— Really, I can’t place you.” Stupid—“Oh. that's all right. I'll find a seat.” Do you really love the girl you are going with?” “As much as she’ll let me.” “Does your girl use cosmetics? “I'll say. Why she even has to wash her face with turpentine.” Judge (at conclusion of the trial)—- Not guilty; t'.’.c case is dismissed. Coalhlack— Boss, does I have to re- turn the chickens?” He—“I spent a lot of money at kelly pool this winter. She— Did you like it as well as Hot Springs?” Miss Anderson—“Why did you put quotation marks at the first and last part of your examination paper?” Student— I was quoting Louis Spo- nar’s work in front of me.”

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BU'K AND GOLD lfi “I spent five years writing a play: sent it into the publisher, he wouldn't publish it, and it has never been produced.” “Huh, that’s all work and no play.” Stranger: Can I get a room for three?” Clerk: “Have you got a reservation?” Stranger: “What do you think I am, an Indian?” Captain (harshly). “Button up that coat.” Married Recruit (absently). “Yes, my dear.” MacIntyre (in his big act). “Will you miss me?” Voice from Gallery: “Not unless you dodge awfully well.” 1. “I saw! my affinity at the Zoo, up in the park today.” 2. (Swxetly). Yes? which cage?” On looking on a tombstone eighty years from now, I saw, Prof. Russel C. Erb, a college professor, and a fair-mind- ed man.” I saw’ another man circling and recircling the grave. “Do you know’ him?” I asked. “No, but I was wondering why they buried these two guys in the one grave.” He (coaxing) If I kiss you this time, no one will be a bit the wiser.” She: “Oh, yes, they will.” He: “But w’ho?” She: “You, next time.” Dear Sir: After taking four boxes of your corn flakes, my corns are much better. Yours truly, Bill Bennett. UNEDITED Irate Customer (at the commons). Look here, I found this needle in my soup.” Affable Hasher: Beg pardon, sir. Mere typographical error. Should have been a noodle, not a needle.”—Exchange WISE GUYS “Is there any truth in this report that a Y is awarded for high grades at Yale?” “Sure thing. If we study hard enough w’e ge wise.” Y’s?” “Yes, wise.” “My word, we have no such plan at Harvard.”—The Knight. Cross-Words as Enunciated It is claimed that the cross-ward craze will improve our vocabularies. “The Cross-Word Puzzle Book, Third Series,” goes so far as to give a sample conversa- tion between two addicts, as follow’s: Mrs. WT. By the w’ay, didn’t I hear that your little Junior met w’ith an accident? Mrs. F. Yes. The little oaf fell from an apse and fractured his artus. M rs. W. Egad! Mrs. F. And to make matters w’orse, Doctor Bloop botched it so we had to trek into town for a specialist. Mrs. W. The zany! Mrs. F. Joe’s ire was so aroused that lie told Doctor Bloop right to his visage that he was a dolt and an ort.” Query by us: Where did Joe get his “ort” definition?—Boston Transcript. AFTER EVERY MEAL Drowning Man. “Help! Throw me a life-saver.” Old Lady (on wharf). “Now ain’t it lucky I didn’t eat that w’hole package of mints..But I don't see what good they can do him. —Texas Ranger