Conneaut High School - Tattler Yearbook (Conneaut, OH)

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( ,|. FREW, The Florist, State St. Phone 23 Teacher—Define “pillory.” Bright Freshman—“It’s another name for a drug store.” Mr. Helman—“Do you understand that proposition, Nathan?” Nat Howard—“No.” Mr. H.—“Why not? Were you paying attention?” Nat Howard—“No. I was performing a surgical operation on my nose.” CLASSIFIED ADS. FOUND—One perfectly good chamois skin in the corridor outside room 7. Owner may have the same by proving property and paying for this ad. WANTED—To know if the president runs the Senior class. Freshman. WANTED—Position as social secretary to reliable party. Am perfectly competent to write letters as I have devoted all of my leisure time to this in the last year. Jessie Rankin. WANTED—The public to know that 1 have taken up manicuring as a profession and solicit a share of your patronage. C. S. A right. WANTED—16 units apiece—Seniors. MIL INKWELL’S DEPARTMENT. [NOTE: Mr. Inkwell wishes to state that correspondents desiring a confidential reply to questions, must enclose a stamped self-addressed en-' elope and a check for $5 with their letters, and answers will be sent by return mail.] I have had a number of letters in the last few weeks trom aspirants for success in the social world, asking me to tell them the proper course to pursue while at a fashionable dinner. I am taking this opportunity to give a few simple directions which, if followed closely, will insure you a place far removed from the social status of the average person. I. Always put your napkin in your collar. II. Begin to eat as soon as your plate is passed you for oy so doing you will be ready for another helping by the time the others are served. HI. if your coffee is too hot, gargle it in your throat unitl it is cool enough to swallow. IV. If a fish bone sticks in your throat cough loudly and try to get it out with your fork. V. If you spill anything on the table-cloth, quickly place a piece of bread over the spot. This will enable you to make a safe retreat. VI. If lettuce is served; do not cut it. Learn to balance a whole leaf on your knife and transfer it to your mouth.

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22 THE TATTLER Mr. Helman to Irvin—“Can you add seven cows, three sheep and seven hogs?” Dean Irvin—“Yes.” Mr. H.—“What would the result be; beef?” Irvin—“No, bologna!” E. Stines (German 4)—“An unheard of mass of men drew up the street with a gathering string?” How C. H. S. teachers look upon us: Freshmen with expectation. Sophomores with indignation. Juniors with objurgation. Seniors with admiration. 'Tis better to have bluffed and failed. Than never to have tried at all. Example of Sophomore sight translation: “Passus sum jam—” Pass us some jam.—Ex. Poor little Carlyle! Have you heard about it? No? Why, the poor child was brutally insulted by Mr. Smith the other day. This is how it happened. Carlyle wasn’t doing a thing at the time, which of course, was most unusual, when Mr. Smith walked up to him and remarked that he, Carlyle, reminded him of a bushleaguer. Now if you don’t know what a bushleaguer is, ask some one. Well, of course, Carlyle asked why and Mr. Smith said because, like a bushleaguer who enters the league with volumes of newspaper praise behind him and then falls to obscurity, Carlyle ihad entered C. H. S. with a good record from the grades and now he couldn’t do a thing. There, now isn’t that perfectly awful? Wouldn’t you think Mr. Smith, a great big man like he is, would be ashamed of himself for attacking a litle innocent, cherubic lad like Carlyle? Carlyle, if we were in your place we wouldn’t let the matter drop there, we’d just challenge Mr. Smith to a snow-ball fight and settle it with blood. SPARKS FROM SHARKS. Harry Porter—“I don’t know what one of ’em are.” Helen Marcy—“Bunyan. he worked at this for awhile.” Carroll (translating German)—“Not before this had Hans saw—” Chas. Kaiser:—“And so you have two sides and the included angle of one equal respectfully to two sides and the included angle of the other.” Winfield (translating German)—“Professor Roentgen constructed us about the X-Rays.” (instructed). Mildred Capron—“Dionysius was the goddess of wine.” Marie A.—:“I don’t know what I’m talking about.” Charlotte C.—“The Thames River is in Germany.” Jite—“One hundred kilograms equals eighty miles.” Hazel Risley—“Phosphorus is used principally in matchmaking.”

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21 THE TATTLER ANSWERED BY MR. INKWELL. Q. What can I do to gain avoirdupois? R. H. B. A. Jump off the flag staff of the city ihall and you will come down “plump.” Q. 1 have red hair and 'freckles; would you call me handsome? H. Philley. A. Yes, but who in thunder would believe it? Q. Is it proper to walk on the inside or outside of a lady? S. J. L. and W. W. D. A. It is most convenient to walk out the outside, but even then you shouldn’t have spikes in your s'hoes. Q. How can I get a perfect figure? C. B. L. A. Cut one off the calendar. Q. I am having trouble to make my Latin classes take an interest in prose. What shall I do? Perplexed. A. Drop the prose. Q. Am a young man with orange colored hair. What colors should 1 wear to suit my style of beauty best? R. A. T. A. Green will best carry out the carrot effect. Q. I am a hard-working youth who is going with a girl who lives in the suburbs just beyond the city limits. As it is, I have to pay ten cents carfare whenever I take her any iplace. Would it be all right if I asked her to walk to the five cent limit, especially on moonlight nights? “S. O. S.” A. No; call a taxi. Q. I am a middle aged man. My hair is rapidly falling out. Please print a reliable hair tonic. V. R. H. A. 2%. oz. corrosive sublimate, 2 Ms oz. carbolic acid, 2% oz. nitrate of silver, % oz. hydrogen sulphide. A few drops of your favorite perfume may be added if desired. Apply the tonic night and morning and, no doubt, a change will be noticed at the end of two weeks. Q. Please print a recipe for a refreshing beverage, one that would be all right to serve on Sunday evenings when I often have company from a distant city. June. A. A delicious little drink may be made by combining two parts of hydrogen with one of ogygen.