Columbia University College of Pharmacy - Apothekan Yearbook (New York, NY)

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haved as though this were his first train trip — which it was; but under the careful guidance of Irv Jaffe, Paikoff became a vet- eran traveler. In the dining car that afternoon, the travelers were surprised when they were again greeted by the same smiling host as on the previous train, and once again Head- waiter Pokorny took care of his select clien- tele. The chef, too, was the same. The dish that he served this time for the delectation of the passengers was called Doc ' s Dump- lings. At the next stop a representative of a well known chemical company boarded the train and to pass the time showed everybody samples of one of his products. It was a new plastic that Dr. Di Somma called di bubblio muctane. It had been synthesized by a 7, 11 addition across the double bagel- bond. The complexity of this explanation caused several people to jump up and leave. The last person out tripped on a benzene ring which lay in the aisle and fractured his leg, whereupon a Dr. Redden rushed in and flashing his First Aiders card, promptly went to work on the broken bone. In the midst of the first aid treat- ment, Calm Carter re-appeared on the scene. He had broken with Whimsical Wim- mer and decided to stay with the train for a short while. He explained to the rapt listeners several new techniques and pro- cesses of manufacturing. This brief speech was followed by an explanation on the pur- chase and economics of running a going concern by Calm Carter ' s legal adviser, Baffling Blank. For a little diversion, the fellows and girls went into the parlor car. A small crowd, gathered around a traveling saleswoman, attracted their attention. This vendor evi- dently had a gambling streak in her. Her wares consisted of fruit, seeds, nuts and assorted herbs, and she made the same offer to all potential customers. Identify the item you wish to purchase and it ' s yours at no cost, she said, but if you fail, you ' ll pay early. AND THEY DID! When Hec- tic Hart had disposed of her stock, she whipped out a DDT bomb and ran up and down the parlor car spraying and disin- fecting. Bacteria, ycu know, she ex- plained to the bewildered spectators. As the train started slowing down, the passengers rushed to the windows. An oil car pulled alongside and poured oil into the depleted tanks of the Diesel. Supervis- ing the operation was Taciturn Taub. He had checked the viscosity of the oil, taken its Sp G and ran a few purity tests until he was satisfied with the quality of the oil. Then, noting the interested group huddled at the window, he explained to them why his company ' s oil was not as toxic, if swal- lowed, as other brands. After showing the basic structure of the oil, he proceeded to show how this had been modified until the toxicity was low and the efficiency high. A commotion at the entrance of the car caused the crowd to shift their attention. Baker Brown had rushed into the car, still covered with flour, and was shrieking, Who stole my cookie mould? How can I do my woik without my cookie mould? He was finally quieted by Baffling Blank, who pointed out that he had no evidence for such wild accusations. Furthermore, Blank warned him, you ' re laying yourself 27

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open to a suit for slander and defamation of character, so be careful whom you ac- cuse. After this brief interlude, Calm Carter en- tered. He was carrying two thick volumes, entitled USP and NF. We ' ve had a pleas- ant time together, folks, he announced, now let ' s take a survey of the highlights of the trip. Then, opening the thickest of the two tomes, he turned to page 1 and started. When he finally paused for a brief rest, the engineer of the entire trip entered, and the assemblage got a close-up of him for the first time. Dr. Ballard was of slight build, with graying hair and a cheerful dis- position. First in order, he rapped out in incisive tones, is this matter of the com- pletion of this journey. There followed a rapid, but thorough outline of the use and action of every piece of equipment in the car. At the conclusion of this discourse, the engineer laid aside his book, and said I hope you have had a pleasant trip; for some it has been a long and tiring pilgrimage, but I trust that you will all make good use of everything you have seen and heard during this journey. At last the depot is in sight! As the pas- sengers joyfully prepare to alight from the car, they cannot but feel that whatever the future may bring, they are well prepared for it. 29