College High School - La Campanilla Yearbook (Upper Montclair, NJ)

Page 29 text:

Barbara Lou Baker ' s career began when a fortune teller told her to Follow the line which her name suggested. Howe ' er, this seer neglected to tell her which name. So confused Barbara doesn ' t know which to use first, her rolling pin or clipping shears. Acute indecision finally dro e Phyllis Durget into being a weather girl (whether or not). Phyllis ' s system, sniffing the air From a tower of St. Basil ' s Cathedral and waving an old Irish charm to and Fro, was successful until she predicted sunshine For St. Patrick ' s da)-. It poured! Phj ' llis ' s bangs were d ' ed bright orange and she was exiled to Northern Ireland. We Find Joan Gewecke deep in the Congo— one of the reasons we don ' t wanna leaye it. She is teaching the natiyes to speak Enghsh by pantomime. Although an excellent actress, Joan is Finding it extremely diFFicult, For obyious reasons, to act out the word kiss to the Ubangi. George Gilbert, listed in the Scotland Yard Files as Gee Gee Gibo, is one oF the greatest detecti ' es of the century. His most famous case was that of The Reindeer Sweater, which Gee Gee says was rather hard to unra el. Soh ' ing crimes by using a pay telephone makes George a booth sleuth. We see Irene Habernickel watching a horse race. She had been dismissed From her old job as girl stable boy because she tried to impersonate a dappled horse by wearing her leopard skin coat. Irene sometimes has a bad colt in her head, which accounts For her hoarsiness. Bob Van Ess has spent so much time in dark rooms developing pictures that now he cannot see in the daylight. He now has a job on the Lights Out ' program, and makes a good deal on the side, turning out the lights oF refrigerators A ' hen the doors are shut. Asked his opinion of his night liFe, Bob retorted with Whoo-Whoo! Ginny Hoagland has put her book-wormish talents to work. Her job is with the Boston censor department where she reads all comic books, newspapers, and novels entering the Hub city. Howe -er, she almost lost her job ' hen she let Fore ' er Amber pass the ban— she thought it was about a man with chronic yellow jaundice. AFter becoming interpreter For the Russians at the LI. N., Edson Barlow grew a beard so his Friends would not recognize him. Later, while smoking his skull pipe, his beaver ignited. Ed ' s comrades ha ' e elected him the most likely to succeed Stalin. For anyone who v ' ould go that far to be Red deserves something. Happy Barbara Ballou was so cheerful that she became the first Female Good Humor Man. She is also Famous For cornering the doughnut market and cleaning up an enormous profit at a foot- ball game. The climax of her career came soon aFter she s ' nthe- sized tutti-fruitti from Dr. Freeman ' s worn-out cigars. Bill Fay has started a used car business under the name of The Chuckling Czechoslovakian. His business is located on the top of j lt. ' ' hitney. When he sells a car. Bill gives it and its. new owner a sho ' e. The proud possessor coasts halfvi ' ay down to San Francisco before he disco ' ers the awful truth— no engine! 25

Page 28 text:

P R EV U E S In which we raise the curtain for a brief moment to take a fleeting glim-p se at the roles we may play at a later Stage. QAnd any resemblance to future real life situations is highly intentional. ' ) First of all, our crystal ball reveals Bill Lane who, after becom- ing president of M. I. T. and inventing perpetual motion, has settled down to a quiet life. He had manv secret and important discussions with Professor Einstein and now is readv to announce their decision to the world. ' The egg came first. Linda Gump, because of her extensive knowledge of make-up, has become fashion editor of ' ' Vague and is known to hundreds of females as Ladv Linda. Her introduction of green lipstick has ingratiated her ' ith men with wi -es who always detect lip- stick on their collars. Now thcv can sav thcv just bit too deeply into a pistachio ice cream cone. Tune in to W. P. A. L. to hear Mama Palma ' s platter-chatter nightly from four to nine. Fast gaining in popularity (she ' s even better than Rosalie Allen), Bobbie Palma is the only girl disc jockey to plav records with long red finger nails instead of a needle. Her favorite discs are Ay Barbara Reeba and When johnny Comes Marching Home. Besides being famous for his invention of jet-propelled busses for tardy students, Armen Fisher also has caused a sensation in the fashion world with his creation of a different colored sock for each foot. For Xmas Armen ad ' ocates red and green socks, and for Hallowe ' en, orange and black. His patriotic socks don ' t sell too well because of the dearth of three-footed people. If they hadn ' t lost the negative of Charles Atlas ' s picture, Da- id Christie might have been destined to an obscure life of sell- ing copies of Dear Diane. But Dave got a job posing with fle.xed muscles in a bathing suit. Llnderneath his photograph is the caption, You, too, can have a body like mine. Really 3 ' ou can. At his microphone we ha ' e Larry Friend, violently wa ' ing his Gillette razor and gi ng us a play-by-play description of the cur- rent Armv-Na ' y football game. Truly the finest sports commen- tator in the business, Larr-Larr is always on the ball— foot, base, or basket. You must read his latest book on his adventures in auto racing entitled, A Friend in Speed. ' Adele Pattison has made a fortune with her book, Cheering for Practical Purposes. ' ' Says ' Del, The E-yah Team Rah cheer is fine for reaching things on high sheh ' es, and the War Chant will get vou in a scrubbing position quicker than you can say ' V-a-r-s-i-t-y. ' The Locomotive cheer from a standing position will subdue the toughest of husbands. Wearing burlap pants and Yankee Stadium mud, Dick Yeskel has just scored another touchdown for his team, The Verona Wildcats. In times of stress Dick may be heard shouting lustily, Hold that wine! — and he doesn ' t mean Mission Bell. 24

Page 30 text:

Besides her outstanding invention of escalators that go up and down sideways. Peggv Flanders is the proud possessor of the most familiar voice in radio although, once, while standing in for Johnny, she almost ruined her ocal chords, calling for Philip Morris. Her most famous impersona- tions are those of Little Nick, of Bi fame, and Willie the Penguin. Er in Bartel. the first boy in the class to grow a moustache, because of this upper lip foliage got a job with the Fuller Brush Company as a walking advertisement. While riding his little red bike from door to door, his moustache got caught among the gears. Er in felt run down, to say the least You must know Gladvs Vermeulen, the girl with the smile. You ' ve probably seen her smirking at you from ads of Ipana and Sal Hepatica and have wondered what she has to be so happy about. The truth is she ' s not happv. She once tried to eat a banana sideways, and her mouth staved that way, much to her cha-grin. Pat Lynch, because of his fondness for cats, became lion tamer in the Barnum and Baily circus. Ah, sure and he vas a grand sight in his Kelly green tights. But his was a sad fate. If you ever see a lion with a sham- rock in his mane, listen closely and you may hear someone singing faintly, Mother Machree. Using all ten of her fingers and some of her toes. Norma Haupt is con- tinually knitting Argyle socks. Poor Norma once got her eyes crossed watching the green yarn splice the red yarn. This temporary disability caused her to poke a hole through a sock. Said Norma, Darn it! Harry Wuest is noted for his in ' ention of a Braille adding machine for people with insomnia who count rabbits. A great scientist who is short on words and long on experiments, Harry was asked if he could name all the elements in alphabetical order. ]a, said Harry. Head of the teetotaler ' s union. Bill Nagel ' s only use for alcohol is for thawing out the football kinks in his fabulous left leg. (Harve) ' has al- w a s belie •ed that the Girls ' A. A. is foi feminine alcoholics who prefer to remain anonymous.) His erudite ad ■ice to the waiting world: Sober up. will va? A pathetic story is that of Jo Ann Wallace. Soon after being gradu- ated from C. H. S., she was given a job in the advertising department, drawing five o ' clock shadows for a razor blade firm. She was fired after ten years for having a date with one of the Smith Brothers, and drawing a moustache on a Woodbury deb. Our crystal ball becomes cloudy, but not before it re ' eals Bill (T zone) Yskamp, who at the ripe old age of Ql, has amassed a huge fortune from endorsing various brands of cigarettes. He now enjoys his own tobacco plantation and raises mint juleps. Recendy photographed smoking his billionth cigarette. Bill was observed by a reporter who said that his coloring looked greener than usual. Bill ' s only comment: Ah feel jus ' zippy! And now, our exits and entrances coiupJete. the stage groups dim as THE CURTAIN FALLS 26