College High School - La Campanilla Yearbook (Upper Montclair, NJ)

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SENIOR The sun never sets on the British Empire. Nor, in 1964, does it set on the class of ' 39. To prove this fact, we will take a trip around the world and see how humanity has benefited from our extraordinary talents. However, let us follow the See America First policy by picking up the N. Y. Times and touring the United States by newspaper. To our amazement, we find that the headlines read Marilyn Corn, Senator from New Jersey, introduces startling Re- form Bill. Remembering her answers in P. A. D., we cease to marvel and instead, nod our heads significantly. Sharing front page honors with Marilyn is Bill Nutt, who, an article states, is the only American ever to sell bathing suits in the Antarctic. But again ' an appar- ently unconceivable statement becomes comprehensible when we recall Bill ' s career at College High. We turn to the society page and there read that Mrs. Q. Du Astor Vander- morgan, the former Betty Griebel, of New York, London, Paris, and points West, is giving a tea in honor of Count Roberti von Rufus R. R. R. etc. Painterovitch. We shake our heads sadly to think that Bob should ever have come to this. But our wonder grows when we see an announcement saying that Barbara Hall, former woman ' s golf champion and female basketball star of all times will give a one-selection piano recital at Carnegie Hall, playing ' To a Wild Rose ' . We pause to pray fervently that she remembers more than the first bar or so, and go on to the fashion page. Here, a long article about Pat Kirk ' s ventures in Alaska greets us. It seems that Pat was dissatisfied with the shapeless clothing worn by the Eskimos and so went north and became the Schiapparelli of Alaska. On the last page, we notice an article about the guest speaker at the banquet given by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to High School Students Trying to write English Comps. To our surprise the speaker is none other than Sally An- derton, author of the current best seller How to Talk Fast and Influence People. This is too much for us, so we borrow Bob Benchley ' s bounding broomstick and fly to Mexico. Arriving, we go to an authentic Mexican hotel, and as it is noon- time, order a typical Mexican meal. Instead of being served chile con carne, they bring us lamb chops, mashed potatoes and peas. The waiter notices our surprise and tells us that Jeanne Wettyen, world famous dietician, disapproved of the native diet, and changed it in favor of an Americanized one. From Mexico we travel to Peru. Here we stop only long enough to find Barbara Boyd now a switch-board operator employed by Standard Oil. We cannot stay but must go straight to Brazil. As we saunter down the main street of Bio de Janeiro we see a familiar brown Ford, vintage of about 1930. Looking more closely we find it to be Vicky, and immediately remember the thousand and one rides we had in her. How she got here is indeed a puzzle, and to solve it, we enter the building it is parked before. The first door we see bears the sign Doris Nealis, Secretary of the Traffic Board of Brazil. No more riddle. Assured that we are well represented in South America we travel on to Algiers. A man approaches us asking Have you seen Hedy Lamarr? We stare confusedly Page Twenty-eight

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1. Ed and Ma

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PROPHECY until suddenly we realize that this is Olaf Fernald. Inquiring from the natives, we learn that Olaf has been hunting Hedy for 23 years. And so we leave Al geria and travel north to France where Paris is completely in an uproar. The reason? Etta Geene is revising the French language and so far has done away with noun genders, rules of agreement, all conjugations of verbs, and the subjunctive. We cross the channel glad that we are not French and find ourselves in England. Two ' 39 ' s are here. Ted Swick, famous humorist, who at present is sponsoring a nation-wide search to find an Englishman with an American sense of humor, and Kent Faulkner of Scotland Yard, whose golden rule for success is Cherchez la femme. We visit them awhile and then go on to Scotland. As we travel through the Highlands we hear weird strains issuing from a bag- pipe. Approaching the donor of this noise we sense something familiar about him. It looks like — no it couldn ' t be — yes, it is — Dick Austin. Pee Wee has given up his trumpet and shagging for the bagpipes and the Highland fling. From Scotland to Lithuania is our next jaunt. Yes, you ' ve guessed it, the noted scientist, Ed Francisco, is conducting research work on weather conditions here. Frisco assures us of sunshine for some time, and on the strength of his prognostic powers, we jump over to Russia where Virginia Kuhnen, first woman dictator, gov- erns with an iron hand. Since her very word is law, and we do not wish to be killed, we do not tarry long but depart quickly for Turkey. This turns out to be almost our last stop, for we meet Ed Smith, manager of that star baseball team, the Turkey Tigers. Ed gives us the low-down on most of the rest of the class, revealing that Harry Ringen is justice of the peace in Persia and is more than kept busy by the sultans, and that Ed Walker is now a veterinarian in Arabia. Bud Clarke, we learn, has a swing band down in the African jungle and is titled Korn King of the Kongo. Smittv also has heard that Ann Cunningham earns her living knitting afghans in Afghanistan and that Wilda Heath has abandoned the Heath Hotel and is now matron of an orphan asylum in China. As a last item, he sells us that Ed Baetzel is an auto mechanic in the Gobi Desert. After we recover from these shocks, we stagger to Australia just in time to see Dick Allen conduct a class in bridge. We remember the redoubled grand slam he made back in high school and nod approvingly. And now our last stop before we return to America. This time our destination is Pango Pango where Emily King, dean of women at the University of Pango Pango greets us warmly. A vacht sails into harbor while we sit in the sand talking about old times. When we discover that the boat is Harry Specht ' s, who is now a retired multimillionaire, we suffer a complete collapse and murmur weakly, Who ever would have thunk it! Returning to the United States we feel more than satisfied by the manner in which ' 39 has chosen to dominate the world in every field. A great final victory for that Senior Class of 25 years ago! Page Tuenty-nine