Columbia University School of Dental and Oral Surgery - Dental Columbian Yearbook (New York, NY)

Page 25 text:

The Draped Figure: O Class of 1921, for many long years have I led you on the Way of Knowledge. To test your skill I have placed stumbling blocks in your path, yea, verily, even quizzes, but, nothing daunted, you have braved me in my den to make up absences and even, by my goodness, many zips, because verily, do I not know that to get all mixed up is an attribute even of seniors? At last you have attained the heights and now know all: Yea even the Seven Steps in the Proper Procedure for a Rubber Dam, and also the many symp- toms of shock. Yea, verily, I even believe that you know the defini- tion of an alveolar abscess ; (Miss Roth, you give it), and even the distinguishing feature of H2S ( I won ' t have it! ) and also the mean- ing of intoxication ( I wish you men wouldn ' t behave like children! ). Truly, some things are beyond mortal powers to learn, chiefly the Petrous portion of the temporal bone, and also the reason why you have to pay five dollars for a breakage fee ! But rest content, O Class of 1921, perhaps in another world, if you will get down to hard work, you will learn the reason even for these. We are assembled today because it is my duty before I allow you to receive that Roll of Paper which will enable you to attain many other papers of a different sort. Verily, I say, it is my duty to give you one last quizz. Not a written one, however, for it is imperative that each man answer for himself. The question is: What have you done for yourself, for the Class, for the College? The Man Who Exhorts: O Master, I was the first to gain promi- nence in the Class. With my loud voice I subdued and took command of the first meeting. All men hearing me became quiet. Since then whenever there is noise I raise my voice above the tumult and am heard. I was a pol ' t : eal boss in my first two years, but First Jester: But no, O Master, he is content to boss his wife. The Draped Fig ure: Verily I see that in the years to come you will boss your patients wlrle extracting teeth and then subdue them while extracting money. You are qualified. Pass on ! First President: I next, O dearly beloved master, figure in the annals of Class History. Fourth Jester: Just a minute; will you please say that again? I didn ' t get the last word. Chorus: The old gray mare, she ain ' t what she used to was. She ain ' t what she — etc. The Man Who Exhorts: Quiet, fellows! First President: It was my unique honor to — Second Jester: To be the first president in petticoats. First President (nothing daunted) : It was in my administration that the Class first smelled the heavenly aroma and tasted the exquisite flavor of a tender, juicy frankfurter roasted over a smoking camp fire. Oh, that first hike ! It was great ! How it snowed ! Second Jester: How we sneezed the next day! The Man Who Knows : That was because we got our feet cold and that drove the blood out of the femoral vein and its various anas- tomoses, through the splanchnic region, direetlv into the mucous mem- brane of our noses. Of course, all that blood rushing into the above- mentioned mucous membranes caused an irritating, tickling sensation which resulted in the forceful expulsion of air from our noses. Third Jester: If Jack Murray were there could he have run away from the snow ? The Class : Aw, sure ! First Jester: That was the famous occasion when Harry Roberts jazzed the bursting of the frankfurters into syncopated rhythm. Chorus: He ' s a ja-azz baby! The Man W T ho Exhorts : Aw, can ' t you keep quiet and give her a chance ? First President: Thank you, Mr. Gordon, I simply wish to add that the rest of my college course was spent in counting ballots and in quieting crying babies on the Infirmary floor, thus offering a living example that women were justified in demanding equal rights. (Loud applause from the wearers of the chrysanthemums.) The Draped Figure: Verily, verily, O my daughter, I see that it has not benefited you much to pass through our institution. Inasmuch as counting ballots and quieting babies is not profitable, you are abso- lutely disqualified ! Next man ! Second President: For two long years have I served my class faithfully and well ! Fourth Jester: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I have to take it down in shorthand. 21

Page 24 text:

CLASS OF 1921 DRAMATIS PERSONAE The Draped Figure A Beloved Master The First Jester Moe Rosenzweig The Second Jester Leo Heidenreich The Third Jester Hyman Freedman The Fourth Jester Jerry Hahn The First President Kloomak The Second President Moe Fierstein The Last President J°e Kohn The Man Who Knows Bill Wasson The Man Who Knows He Knows Not .... Andy Reich The Man Who Exhorts Leo Gordon The Man Who Ran Schier The Man of the People Himmelfarb The Man for Money Gus Landau The Jazz King Harry Roberts The Chorus Boylhart The Runner Jack Murray A Commander in the Army Lester Predmore His Queen of Hearts Elise Predmore The Dancer George Goldsmith The Wearers of the Chrysanthemums The Girls A Jewel Herself The Others The Rest of the Class 20

Page 26 text:

The Commander in tlie Army (fiercely: Mr. President, you forget that during that time it was who commanded in the Army ! His Queen of Hearts: But you forget, dear, it was I who com- manded you ! The Commander in the Army (quite meekly) : Yes, dear, yes, of course ! Jewel: Say, girls, wasn ' t it great to take a walk with the boys on Fifth Avenue when they had to saLite those heavenly officers ! Oh, my ! Second Jester: Say, fellows, remember how hard it was for Benny Himmelfarb to salute the officer before he passed him instead of ten minutes later ? First Jester: It never was an officer, it always was a field clerk! Second President: Another way in which I benefited the Class was the most excellent work I did 0:1 the Impression, that great literary monument which shall — Third Jester: Monument, did he say? There sure were enough deadheads ! Second President: That great literary work shall stand as a monument so that future classes my learn how — The Draped Figure : Enough, enough! We are all aware of your oratorical ability. Can any man forget the blood-curdling manner in which you told of the preparation for an operation ! Yea, verily, it even caused each man to swear that he would never want to be oper- ated on. You have done very well. Pass on. The Man Who Knows: I am the man who knows. Everything is clear to me. I know the name of every curve in the brain, yea, even every curve in an uriniferous tubule ! I know all the symptoms of every poison by heart. I know all the doses of all the drugs. I know the names of all the planes on the occlusal surface of the molars. The Draped Figure: That ' s enough! The quicker you get out of college the better ! You know entirely too much ! The Man Who Knows He Knows Not: That ' s exactly what I always say, Professor. My theory is that as long as one knows one does not know one is always willing to take somebody else ' s answer in preference to one ' s own. Second Jester: In preference to one ' s own ? Then he couldn ' t mean himself ; lie never has his own ! Last President: I ' d like to say a few words to each and all about that 10 cents that each and everyone of you has to pay the college, because — Third Jester: Because the price of gasoline went up! The Chorus: The old gray mare, she ain ' t — etc. The Man Who Exhorts: Now, fellows, can ' t you keep quiet? You elected this man president, so why don ' t you give him your support? The Man Who Ran: Brothers, I ' d like to say a few words about this matter. I think this is a question which should be decided by the Student Council. Since every single fellow in this College is affected by this it — (There is a general uprising.) Jazz King: Wait a minute, fellows. Before you go, don ' t forget the Class Dance. I have only $-t0 with which to pay a bill of $120. Next week is the dance, so bring your best girl and give me your money. The Man for Money: Money, money everywhere, but not a cent to pick. Money, money everywhere, but — The Man Who Knows: Now, strictly speaking, I know from my own experience, that there isn ' t really money everywhere. Should you investigate I am quite positive you would find that the pockets of our boys are actually deficient in that necessary article of exchange called money. Hard as this is to believe, I am quite satisfied with the veracity of ray statement. First Jester: Stop swearing, Bill, we believe you, but the ques- tion is, Does the College know it ? The Draped Figure: Gentlemen, gentlemen! There is altogether too much discussion. I am now entirely convinced that you are all qualified to pass on and take your place in the ranks. My parting advice is Use your forceps and go way down to get a good grip! As the curtain goes down to slow music The Dancer siezes an imaginary partner and glides through the intricate steps of a modern waltz ! Sara Kloomak. ' 21. 22