Columbia University School of Dental and Oral Surgery - Dental Columbian Yearbook (New York, NY)

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Y E A R B O O K A STRANCE BUT TRUE HISTORY OF oun CLASS. IST! all ye who have ears! The whole planet N and all other planets of the Universe! Fu- ,,4'9,,g,gg tuie historians! Compilers of scientific records! Encyclopedeists! Writers of ro- mances of great scientists! List well, for 6?-jgygig' this is to be the history of the class of 1916 of the College of Dental and Oral Surgery! The beginning was in the fall of 1913 in the immaculately clean and white building on 35th Street accompanied by a number of incidents which may be termed sublime by very reason of their simplicity. Officers were selectedg some members tried for the athletic teamsg a dance was giveng a few aspiring would-be-literary geniuses gave their assistance to the then existing magazizteg etc., etc., etc. Then came four months of respite and after that the herculean task of doing most of these things all over again. Once more a breathing spell, then the return for the last trial, the election of oliicers, and a class editor,-the editing of the year book and-upon completion of this,-sallying forth into the world to do the fine things that had been taught in the immaculately clean and white building on East 35th Street! This I deem the finest example of a class history that has ever been written. It contains not a single superfluous inci- dent, there are no exaggerated tritles to distort the factsg no resuscitating of tales that nature mercifully has us forget and which some inflated, self-styled writer would force down our gulletsg no stupid and sickening pseudo-humorisms that are ancient as the moon. Here you find only an enumeration of those most important occurrences that will go down to pos- terity in letters of violet and green. And for this I humbly expect that all will be greatful and thankful as well. For, to tell the truth, I could have done something very different. I might have written reams and reams of paper. Never was man tit to write just such histories in general and this one in particular! Whichever way I look upon myself,- physically or mentally, I find every cell of my body formed to suit this particular kind of work. Perhaps it would be well to be more definite. You well know, kind reader, that histories can only be written by such as can look calm and impartial at the facts to be recorded. This is only possible Where the historian is 15 A STRANGE BUT TRUE HISTORY OF OUR CLASS

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NINETEEN SIXTEEX ls!!

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A STRANGE BUT TRUE HISTORY OF OUR CLASS NINETEEN SIXTEEN not part of the action. The devastating butchery with which all the nations are so much occupied right now could hardly be written by any man present on the battlefields and part of the warring factions. All the hatred, stupidity, egotism, and pig-headedness that has made this pastime so popular would enter in the writing and thus make it disproportionately par- tial. It can only be written by a clear thinking man who mentally is not for any particular side, and who, observing all facts from the proper distance,-with but little actual con- tact with them,-sees them in their true perspective. All this can be applied to me to the very letter. For one year I never came near the classy for another I was a member in body only,-when I had to beg keeping my observing intellect at a proper distance from all deep-stirring history-making events. As for the third year, I am so deeply occupied writing this history and the like, and studying the nervous system and the Materia Medica of Arsenic poisoning that at times I must actually kick myself in the shins to force my attention to the fact that I am here to look and observe. Furthermore I have a great passion for writing, or to speak more scientitically, I have a great mania for writing. I could write until I would have the chinese wall bewritten and then do it all over again and derive the greatest joy there- from. Again I have a most fertile and active imagination. It is illimitable in scopeg I do not stop at any thought or image. And nothing proves this better than the fact that I am under- taking the writing of a History . I must explain: I do not believe that there exists any such thing as a history. No one has ever written one, nor will anyone ever write one. The reason Why ?-I shall argue some other timeg the statement of the fact must suffice at the present. Yet, knowing I cannot do it, I will nevertheless accomplish it. If you object to this kind of logic, I must refer you to Pliny's Natural History wherein you will find a full and elaborate explanation of this particular manner of reasoning. Finally, physically I have developed my right phalanges by dint of writing and dentzl practice to herculean strength. Blessed with all these history- writing accomplishments: a marvelous imaginationg a great passion for writingg a lack fa very purposeful lackl of accu- rate knowledge of the events: a dexterity and strength of phalangesg don't you agree with me that I was created for this and no other kind of work! Every word I have written verifies my assertion and every word that I shall write will add 16