Cochranton High School - Cardinal Yearbook (Cochranton, PA)

Page 17 text:

Class Prophecy 9 Now Mr. Moon said to be sure not to mix XQZ2 with YHNAXS, but I didn't believe him, so I mixed them. There was a dull boom. I had a sensation of floating through spaceg then there was a thump, and I found myself in the middle of the Cochranton campus staring at a large red and white poster reading, Reunion Today of the Class of Thirty-eight, May twenty-seven, nineteen hundred and forty-eight. The first person I saw was Donald Bean. eccentric inventor, who had just obtained a patent on his latest invention, an educated microphone which sifted comedian's material and broadcast only the funny stuff. He did this to insure silence when Paul Snapper,' Peters, sponsored by Perley Noon, president of Noon's Carbonated Coca-Cola Company, came on to put a bad taste in the nation's mouth with his dry humor. Since I was tired, I sat down on a stool nearby and picked up a magazine. Imagine my surprise when on the first page I saw that Bernice Hart's photo was being used to advertise Irresistible Lipstick. Beneath the pic- ture Miss Hart had written, I use Irresistible Lipstick because it makes me irresistible. Suddenly bedlam broke loose. Children screamed. Women fainted. Walls crumbled. But it was only Glenn Smock, who had just been defeated in the recent campaign in which he ran for President of the United States, going into his sales talk for his new business, For habitually hollow humans, have a handful of handsome hamberg's hissing hot hounds hewed from harmoniously happy hogs. Nearby Gerald Shaffer, math wizard, was explaining his latest conclusion to Harold Machine Gun Hines, big shot gangster, and his muscle man, Bill B, B. Gun Fejes. ,lerry's conclusion was: All great men have beards. I don't shave. Iill soon have a beard. Therefore, I'm practically a great man. When Jerry moved, the gangsters picked up the Clark bar wrapper and left. Just then the Reverend George Shesky, who had just returned from Africa, where he had estab- lished a home for toothless cannibals, ambled up with Margaret Harvey, night club hos- tess. He was berating Peg about night clubs, but quieted down when she gave him a free pass for the next night. A sign across the street caught my eye. I read Voorhies Detective Agency. To obtain service, keep ringing bell. I'm a heavy sleeperf' .lust then Donald Fix 'em Leake, plumber, and Charles 'fStickup Lincoln. wallpaper hanger, zipped up Cochranton's six-lane drive in a Svetkis eight. The drive had been recently donated by Estelle Weiss, wealthy widow of a late oil baron. Then sailed down Pine Boulevard Clairdon Steamboat Stevens, who had somehow evaded his keeper, Donald Power, and had just completed a successful sale of the Brooklyn Bridge to Bernice Murdoch, collector fiend, who also had in her collection the Grand Central Station and Big Ben in London. Suddenly someone flashed by me and disappeared into Cochranton's ultra-modern six-story building. It was John Baby Faceu Hamilton, public enemy Tillm- ber one. Slouching after him came an old man who turned out to be Bill Yarnell, G-man in disguise. It seemed that John was being sued in ten states for breach of promise. Among those suing him were Ada Hart, Miss America of nineteen forty, Mary Laush, chorus girl, and Virginia Rice, foremost aviatrix of the day. He was also wanted for bumping off Edith Woodcock, who had run an alligator farm in Florida. Then who came steaming up the drive but Elvin Galmish in his sixteen-cylinder limousine driven by Homer Nelson, retired professor, his chauffeur. Elvin wasn't working for a living any- more. He was the uncle of the first triplets born in Crawford County Hospital in nine- teen hundred and thirty-nine and now, in nineteen hundred forty-eight, was the father of quintuplets, and the government was keeping him. Oh yes, Harold Grandma Griffin, famous surgeon. brought the family into the world. Then everything got hazy and the last thing I remembered was Aimee Shaffstall, wife of a great nut and bolt magnate, delivering an oration entitled Me and Mussolini. Then I opened my eyes and saw Mr. Moon bending over me mumbling something about guys like me not knowing what straight up is. Perley Noon, '38, Page Fifteen

Page 16 text:

Page I u1L1'I1'ml WILLIAM A. YARNELL . . . NBILLU llosgfs a boy who mm give you IL line, Abou! any olfl thing nf llflljl old time, In Dov, Pr?ga1L's burn hc docs lmslcvlbull myers. You surely mms! know him ,' 111' rlvlivrrs your lmpcrs. Uperetta, 1: Class Basketball, l, 2. 3, 4: Soccer, Varsity, 4, Basketball, 3, 4. BERNICE A. HART .... 'LPETLS' Bm'nif'fv is really ll pretty good f'gg. lC.'z'fr0e1li11gIy vlzmnmy wilh Gi1m'ie and appgf, She has lL frimzrlly jolly way. lVlLu'.s hm' Prinvc f'Izrz1'mi11g shekl never say. Pentatlllon, lg Home lieonomies, 2, GERALD W. SHAFFER . . . HJERRYV JCl I'fIl'I is om' Mass Einstein. Therr s nolhlng Illllf lm mn? rIf'fine,' HC can solve any p1'ol1I1'm.' he 111111, do any fask, And has lilccfl by every member of our senior class. Honor Student: Vlass Reporter, 2: Basket- ball, 4, Class Basketball, 1, 2, 33 Soccer, 3, 45 Vocfational Ag'I'ICUlfl,lI'P, 2. IN MEMORIAM 0 4 ima 4 nlnw The Class of 1938 wishes to dedicate this space in memory of our former classmate, whom death called before the completion of our high school life. K

Page 18 text:

Last Will and Testament 9 We, the class of Nineteen Hundred and Thirty-eight, anno domini, of Cochranton High School, Borough of Cochranton, County of Crawford, State of Pennsylvania, on this, the twenty-seventh day of May, being, in our estimations, of sound mind and body, ilu make legal disposition of certain collective and individual traits to the succeeding ciasscs to aid them in bringing glory to Cochranton High. To the Class of '39 we will the good conduct, gentle demeanor, and intellectual ability of the dignified seniors of the class of '38-. To certain deserving pupils at Cochranton the following members of the class of ,323 leave their respective merits: ARTICLE I To Bill Shaw, George Shesky leaves his ability to make fouls. ARTICLE II Margaret Harvey wills her beautiful blond trcsses to freshman Olga Evans. ARTICLE III Bernice Murdoch leaves to Bettec Anderson her ability to tell 'em what's what. ARTICLE IV To Don Grilhn, Paul Peters bequeaths his ability to make the Chevy go round and round. ARTICLE V Robert Voorhies wills his ability to eat candy in study hall to Kenneth Snyder. ARTICLE VI Ada Hart leaves her sweet demureness to Juanita Greer. ARTICLE VII To Margaret Murdoch goes Estelle Weiss's place in the Hall of Fame. ARTICLE VIII Charles Lincoln bequeaths his knowledge of French, now extended to Oni and Non, to Harry Crum. ARTICLE IX Edith Woodcock leaves her charm and attractiveness to the males to Mary .Iane P ters. 6 ARTICLE X To Earl George, Glenn Smock wills his ability to Swish the cords. ARTICLE XI Harold Griffin bequeaths to Charles Williams his ability to be faithful to one girl. ARTICLE XII To the next Trig. class goes the knowledge possessed by the five members of the math. class of '38 of how to solve the unsolvable. ARTICLE XIII A To Scott Smith, John Hamilton leaves his title of Master of Hypersesquipadalion- 1sm. ARTICLE XIV To anyone who could qualify goes Clairdon Steven's pet expression fcensoredl. We do hereby appoint Miss Lucille Riddle, instructor of x, y, and z, to execute this, our last will and testament, and to offer it in any court in this state, or any other state for probate, waiving exemption, or inquisition. The hand, he seal of the officers of the Class of '38 affixed as the above testators accredit this their last will and testament. ' Signed: ELVIN GALMISH, President, HAROLD GRIFFIN, Vice-President, MARY LAUSH, Secretary. Perley Noon, '38. Page Sixteen