Coalinga High School - Petrolia Yearbook (Coalinga, CA)

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Avenal Heights-The thousand chances to onef' has happened in this thriving metrop- olis! Quintuplets were born to the Bob Abells fshe was the former Johnnie Carterl. The babes have been named Maudie Epperson, Grace Cunllnin, Esther Diamond, Elsie Martin, and Mildred Smith Abell i11 honor of the proud parents' former classmates at the now defunct Coalinga High School. Bob is passing out Healey Natividads to all his associates. Enroute to Midway Island, via. Pacific Clipper-News has eked out to the effect that Robert Bing Stewart, who sings over the police car system of Oiltields between einer- gency calls, has claimed the ham Chancll of Phyllis Jones, heiress to the sardine fish mil- lions, as his bride. Those witnessing this mar- ital event were Richard Lander and his wife, the former Louise Kummin of Null-Kummin Rhumba Team fame. Kokomo, June 7, 1956---Those two gay divorcees, Virginia McNeil and Zella Maxon are at it again! It is the sixth trip to the altar for Virge and the eighth for Zella. The two prospective grooms are Howard Martin and Playboy Dunn. Time-out until the next issue 419577

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NEWS FLASHES FROM FAR AND NEAR Oil City, June 7, 1956 The town folk have just received news from Arthur Medo, who is now the head driver on the Snail Freight Lines. Arthur plans to stop over in Kettlenian City to watch the box- ing matches. Those fighting tonight are I-Iit 'em Hale versus Punch 'em Pellow, and Battling Boroff is charted to struggle a round or two with Kp O. Rothe. incidentally, folks, Firebaugh is holding a big celebration tonight in honor of its newly elected city officials. On the list of otii- cials we find ncne other than Howard Drew as mayor and John Bordagaray as sheriff. I11 addition to the big celebration the Purtle- Martin Greater Shows Carnival is making its annual stopover in Filebaugh. Jack is not only running the show, but is also barking for the l-Iula Hula Dancers, Mary Davis and June Crum, who have wriggletl their way to world fame. The Splatter, the daily newspaper of Oil City has sent Tom Robinson and Imogene Cook to cover the festivities in Firebaugh. This is Imy's first job. She's been sitting in the editor's office for twenty years waiting for this big scoop. Thelma ,Keyser has not been heard of in 19 years. She was last seen eloping with Jimmy Holloway. Those other married couples wl1o have retreated to their happy rendezvous are: George Anxolabe and Josephine Chelen- skyg Charles Collins and Ruby Gentry: Willo- dean Clark and Daryl Ilfrummondg and Elladean Hayes and Idus I-licks. The Snyder-Sumpf Pun Syndicate has now become a lalge corporatlon. It is not ex- pected to last. long, however, because the boys are slowly going nutty from listening to each Otl1Gl S puns. Flash-No one seems to know what hap- pened to Evelyn Morgan, but it was rumored that she married the retired millionaire ball- player George Lawrence, who is now playing ping pong to keep his muscles in shape. Those other girls whose dreams of fortunes have come true are Betty Ernst, Betty Cheney and lfldna Marshall. Why should we mention Cleo WVhitenef when all of you probably read her daily col- umn on advice to the love lorn in the local paper. Mildred Rhoades, Ethel Macomber and Evelyn Taylor flnally landed husbands three years ago in Missouri. And now we come to the sad part of our little check-up. After eight years of advertisement in marriage bureau pamphlets, there seems to be little hope for the one-time belies-Vida Devine, Claudia Gorden and Dorothy Loomer. However, this reporter fears that unless a miracle happens soon, the three girls will die spinsters. Won't someone respond to this call for help soon? Goshen Junction, June 7, 1956--Reports reached here today that the engineer on the new String-Bass Limited running between Hoopleburg and Lewis Creek is none other than Osbert Hausdorf, the speed demon, who received his instructions from teachers in the Coalinga Union High School. Assisting him at the fireman and conductor positions are Clar- ence Bowery and Donald Terry. The latter is a. behemoth of a man, who has to bend his head before he can enter the railroad cars. Priest Valley-Dr. Joseph Oyster, em- inent physicist, has recently announced that he has perfected a rubber eraser that will not wear out. This is considered a boon to stu- dents everywhere. He was assisted in the epochal discovery by Jack Fraysher, M. D., and Bill Douglas, N. U. T. Conn's Dairy-An announcement has just been issued by the Dairy Relations Consul Mary Meinzer, that two new dairy maids An- nie Moore and Joyce Johnson have been added to the creamery department. All three gained t?J their knowledge at Goldie Hull's Finish- ing School for Refined Gentlewomen. Parkfielrl, June 7, 1956-Entered in the steer-roping contest here in the Annual Round- up are such well-known horsemen as Pin-'em- Back Powers, Lay-'em-Low Little, Vim and Vigor Violette and Airy Ayers. The cow. gizls who are doing their bit in this gala event are Slim Santos, Whoopee Winslow, and that scintillating little vest pocket of fem. inine pulchritude Raise 'em Reser. The Sweetheart of the rodeo is none other than .Jeanette Crump of the famous Crump-Black- burn stables.

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A PCHJUNNY PHABLE Once a pun a time WINSLOW rivers wended their way fre-HEALEY past the BOWERY and through the many LITTLE VIOLETTE MEDO-s, there lived an old SMITH-y who DOUGLAS for a living. Now SMITH-y had a CRUM-my daughter who used to CARTER self away Qwhen not CLARK- ing in the department store and her work was DUNNJ to feet the ROBINS- ON the fence of her little I-IOUSEQDORFJ. She was really ABELL of the village in the sole fact that she could COOK. She had a GORD-ON her neck, a BLACKBURN on her left cheek a CRUMP-y shape, a DIAMOND-built curve, RUBY lips, and a TERRY-able smile. Briefly, we can ERNST-ly sa- HAYE she was anyhing short of DEVINE. One afternoon she told her father: My boy friend DAVIS CUMMIN to C-HULL on me. SUMPF-un, eh, Pop? However, the old MEINZER who did not like to have those particular b-OYSTER call on his daughter thought of a plan. He HOLLOW-d-WAY down to the cross RHOADES where DAVE was KUMMIN toward the cottage: I would ROTHE-r see him in the MOR- GAN dead than with my daughter be-GOSS I hate him. Nobody will ever LANDER for his wife nor will she LOOMER pretty head for any man. So with all his muscular POWERS, he dug a mud PURTLE in front of the house and filled it with WI-IITENER to paint the poor fellow's body in such a man- ner that even a TAYLOR couldn't e-RESER with a ZELLA-phane scraper. Now comes the tragic part. But I-IALE, the weak old fellow slipped and fell into his own trap, sinking PELLOW his waist into MOORE mud than there is in river beds. The H-AYERS on his forehead DREW themselves into more tiny knots than you CONN think of. ' Mr. ANXOLABE, the undertaker, came and BOROFF the poor old fel- low and he has GIB-en a decent burial in CHELENSKY Memorial Park. The Death-NULL had run for the ancient gentleman. It SNYDER time to quit now, but what about our two love-birds? DRUMMOND their way through life, they have Hnally settled in a small HICKQSQ town of VIRGINIA, to STEWART life anew. AMEN. Copyright 1936 by Sumpf-Snyder Punners Syndicate