Cleveland High School - Legend Yearbook (Portland, OR)

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3111 fHHPIIIU1'iEII1I KENNETH KNOX

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THE LEDGER ITwenty-fhree HELP YOURSELF A 'rRVUE CONFESSIONH By SAM FULLMAN Have you ever associated with one of these giddy girls with a mania for collecting souvenirs? Light- fingered lassies with hands swifter than a waiter's eye, they never leave a place without taking some- thing away to remember it by. lVIy best girl once contracted this horrible habit and whenever Iwas with her I yvas used as a re- cipient for her gatherings. I'd find myself going away from a restaurant with a menu, a spoon, a demi-tasse cup and saucer, and even a lemon squeezer. Nothing seemed to phase her, from a salt shaker to a flower vase. There was no line of distinction. If she looked at anything on the table twice, I knew it was as good as gone and we would be there until she could get it. One evening I was sitting beside her in a restaur- ant and when the waiter's back was turned she frantically shoved a cold spoon with ice cream on it down my neck. Gf course the expected hap- pened, the cream melted and ran down my spinal column. When the waiter turned around again, the expression on my face must have looked like a signal of distress, for he immediately offered me a bottle of cholera mixture. The combination of Jamaica ginger, red pepper, and tobacco sauce burned my throat, but I tried to pass it off. With the ice cream running down my back and the chills running up, I did not succeed. One afternoon she arranged for a supper and the opera after. That evening I put on a swell-cut outfit, one of these with a false shirt front. We went into a highbrow restaurant and when we were almost finished she suddenly decided she wanted the platter. I knew by her eyes it was ' , ingg but I was hoping the waiter would take it H ' y before she found a place to put it. I-Ie was too slow as I realized when I felt the platterggo between me and the shirt front. I tried to look natural, but the platter was hot and perspiration burst forth upon my brow. The man sitting next to me pulled a thermometer off the wall and wanted to take my temperature, but I told him to take my life instead. Wlleii the proprietor arrived on the scene, he asked me if I couldn't take something for my malady, but I told him I would be ashamed to take anything more. The doctor came and asked me if I had a cold on my chest. I told him I would have as soon as it cooled off. I-Ie then wanted to sound my lungs and before I could stop him he hit the platter with his knuckles and the cracking of it could be heard all over the room. I cut a pretty figure then. The proprietor pushed forward and asked if he should call an ambulance, but the doctor told him to call a policeman in- stead. It cost my girl twenty-five dollars for a two- bit platter that she never got. One evening as we were walking down the street, she wanted to go into a Chinese noodle restaurant, so I had to take her. We went up and I had a nice time trying to wash down a lot of Chow lVIien with a cup of tea the size of a canary's drinking cup. I was enjoying myself about as much as a kitten with paper tied on his front feet, when I saw that dangerous look that meant there was .something on the table that she had taken a fancy to. She thrust a pair of chopsticks and a tea cup into my pocket just as the waiter came up. I paid the bill and rushed her for the door as fast as I could. VVhen we reached the street I turned around and saw the man pursuing us. I immediately came to the conclusion that he had seen the chopsticks sticking out of my pocket. I waved violently at a passing taxi, but before we could gain shelter of its four protecting sides the waiter overtook us. I had visions of saying Good morning, Judge, and you can never imagine my relief when he held out a dainty piece of linen which I recognized as a handkerchief. Un the way home I saw her eyeing the meter and knew she wanted that, too, and believe me, if I could have reached it for her, I would have done it!

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