Cleveland High School - Legend Yearbook (Portland, OR)

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THE LEDGER ITwenty-fhree HELP YOURSELF A 'rRVUE CONFESSIONH By SAM FULLMAN Have you ever associated with one of these giddy girls with a mania for collecting souvenirs? Light- fingered lassies with hands swifter than a waiter's eye, they never leave a place without taking some- thing away to remember it by. lVIy best girl once contracted this horrible habit and whenever Iwas with her I yvas used as a re- cipient for her gatherings. I'd find myself going away from a restaurant with a menu, a spoon, a demi-tasse cup and saucer, and even a lemon squeezer. Nothing seemed to phase her, from a salt shaker to a flower vase. There was no line of distinction. If she looked at anything on the table twice, I knew it was as good as gone and we would be there until she could get it. One evening I was sitting beside her in a restaur- ant and when the waiter's back was turned she frantically shoved a cold spoon with ice cream on it down my neck. Gf course the expected hap- pened, the cream melted and ran down my spinal column. When the waiter turned around again, the expression on my face must have looked like a signal of distress, for he immediately offered me a bottle of cholera mixture. The combination of Jamaica ginger, red pepper, and tobacco sauce burned my throat, but I tried to pass it off. With the ice cream running down my back and the chills running up, I did not succeed. One afternoon she arranged for a supper and the opera after. That evening I put on a swell-cut outfit, one of these with a false shirt front. We went into a highbrow restaurant and when we were almost finished she suddenly decided she wanted the platter. I knew by her eyes it was ' , ingg but I was hoping the waiter would take it H ' y before she found a place to put it. I-Ie was too slow as I realized when I felt the platterggo between me and the shirt front. I tried to look natural, but the platter was hot and perspiration burst forth upon my brow. The man sitting next to me pulled a thermometer off the wall and wanted to take my temperature, but I told him to take my life instead. Wlleii the proprietor arrived on the scene, he asked me if I couldn't take something for my malady, but I told him I would be ashamed to take anything more. The doctor came and asked me if I had a cold on my chest. I told him I would have as soon as it cooled off. I-Ie then wanted to sound my lungs and before I could stop him he hit the platter with his knuckles and the cracking of it could be heard all over the room. I cut a pretty figure then. The proprietor pushed forward and asked if he should call an ambulance, but the doctor told him to call a policeman in- stead. It cost my girl twenty-five dollars for a two- bit platter that she never got. One evening as we were walking down the street, she wanted to go into a Chinese noodle restaurant, so I had to take her. We went up and I had a nice time trying to wash down a lot of Chow lVIien with a cup of tea the size of a canary's drinking cup. I was enjoying myself about as much as a kitten with paper tied on his front feet, when I saw that dangerous look that meant there was .something on the table that she had taken a fancy to. She thrust a pair of chopsticks and a tea cup into my pocket just as the waiter came up. I paid the bill and rushed her for the door as fast as I could. VVhen we reached the street I turned around and saw the man pursuing us. I immediately came to the conclusion that he had seen the chopsticks sticking out of my pocket. I waved violently at a passing taxi, but before we could gain shelter of its four protecting sides the waiter overtook us. I had visions of saying Good morning, Judge, and you can never imagine my relief when he held out a dainty piece of linen which I recognized as a handkerchief. Un the way home I saw her eyeing the meter and knew she wanted that, too, and believe me, if I could have reached it for her, I would have done it!

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Twen tyzl THE LEDGER WRONG ADVICE NAz.1xReNe HUTCHINGS Hello, Ruth! I just called you to say that Jack Mandock entered Cleveland High and that he is in my science class. Really, I understand now why all your girl friends fell for him. He is all that you described. His black hair and eyes, his independent air, his polite way, his kind actions: his broad shoulders, and his earnestness have surely made me like him. Oh! Ruth, I never thought that I could like a boy as well without first meet- ing him.', Well, Bettyf' answered Ruth, don't let him think that you care for him. Act independently, by all means. just remember that he thinks he can have any girl he wants. Thanks for the advice. I will show little ,lack that Betty is one girl that he can't have, but, oh, it will be hard! sighed golden-haired Betty. As this conversation was going on between Betty and Ruth, strange to say, a similar conversation was being carried on between Jack lVIandock and his friend Bob. All right, Bob, I will try and do as you say, but I will have to take a look at her once in a while. She is the first girl that I have thought much of. I am sure that she has some good com- mon sense, although she does look rather dollish. The next day Betty pranced into science class with a brand new mareel, while Jack had a bit more Glo-co on than usual. Betty, to the delight of Homer Wells, the horned-rimmed sissy of the class, talked to him all period. Jack, in order to show that he was not interested in her, talked to the black, curly-headed girl to his right. And so this pretending business went on, with only sly, quick glances at one another. The football season had arrived and still Jack and Betty were at the same little game, with neither one gaining. The black, curly-headed one received all of Jack's com- pliments, and in return yelled for him at thegames until Betty could have scratched those black eyes out and torn that curly head to pieces without feel- ing one bit sorry. On the other hand, Homer received all of Betty's attention, and in return showed so much ownership of her that Jack could hardly resist the immense pleasure of punching that high-held nose. Bob could not understand why his advice did not work. Funny thing, he told Jack. It really is a funny thingfl But Jack could see nothing funny about it, and said as much in a very few words. VVhat I can't figure out, puzzled Jack, is why she picks on that mud-faced Wells. If I hadn't taken your advice, all would be well, hut I have gone too far now to fall back on myself. I'll just have to make the best of things. Cheer up! I'll ask Ruth's advice. You know Ruth is Betty's chumf' VVhile on the other hand, neither could Ruth understand why her advice had not brought the proper results, and even if her advice had failed, there was Betty's big blue eyes, and her short, fluffy, golden hair that usually worked wonders. No, said Betty, as she gazed into the mirror, it is no use. Perhaps if my hair was black and kinky like Harriet's, I would have better luck. The deciding championship football game was drawing near. The Cleveland and the Park high schools had neither one dropped a scuffle. Their game had been the last scheduled, and now prom- ised to be the hardest fought one of the season. Every one was talking football. Jack listened with admiration to the conversation about football be- tween Betty and Homer. It isn't many girls that know as much about sports as Betty, Jack informed Bob. She is a regular girl. I would give anything to have her yell for me at this coming game tomorrow, but instead she will sit up there on the grandstand and let pie-faced Homer feed her peanuts. Bah! The important day had arrived. The grandstand was overflowing with rooters. Betty's jazz cap was set at a sharp angle on her head. At her side was as usual the devoted Homer, already shelling peanuts. just as he was ready to pop a peanut into his small baby mouth, Betty gave him an unin- tended slap and screamed above the uproar:

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3111 fHHPIIIU1'iEII1I KENNETH KNOX