Classical High School - Blue and White Yearbook (Springfield, MA)

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Podunk, Oregon--Harry Jilson has just accepted the position of Head of the Proble ms of Democracy Department at Podunk University. When asked by Bruce Hinkley how he liked his new job, Jilson replied: Wonerful, wonérful. OF THE Last Gasp, Arizona--The Rangers of Bar 305, Jim Smith, Ken Hall, John Wise, Jim Brown, Jim Rodeheaver, Richard Vigneault, and Tom Gonzalez, have just captured Dead-Eye William. UNITED STAT Johnson, Oklahoma--Adamczyk, Bach- élor, and White have recently joined the board of the Society for the Pro- tection of the Accident Prone. D. J., Texas--Tom Reilly today was to have introduced his first hoedown. Unfortunately, the show had to be cancelled because of.a duel caused by a dis— agreement between jazzman Lynwood Cooke and Conductor Desmond. Clinton. Seconds will be Richard Duffy and Al Goldsmith. Tombstone, Arizona--A big Rodeo is being held at-.the O. K. Coral. Featured is the hog-calling of Mark Cohen, the steer- wrestling of Milton Benjamin, the bronc-busting of John Rixon, and the dancing of Karen Adams, Sandra Bassell, Pat Duffy, Susan Dambrov, and Barbara Trager. Homburg, Texas--The first suitcoat factory in the west has just been opened by prominent Easterner Robert Yosko. Dress right--you can't afford not to, said Yosko. U235, Nevada--Pete Flint and Fred Reynolds have just filed a claim on the first uranium lode in the United States. Assayer Rothman remarked: That stuff aintt never gonna be worth nothing. Death Valley, Wyoming--The sheriff of Death Valley, Martin Biza, today apprehended the notorious sand dune snatchers, . Reggie Roche and Pat Lamothe, and gave them five weeks detention. The well-known lawyer, Troy Murray, will plead their case. Flash--There will be a big Conestoga drag from Salt Lake City to Los Angeles. Entered with their stripped-down wagons will be Bill Fagin, Ronald Grant, Val Kitty, Martin Schneider, and Joel Tillman. Judges picked are Harvey Weisthal and David NYA Re ES LS a Chatterbox, Wyoming--Captured by Indian squaws Linda Nelson, Sherry Smith, Sally Mallileau, Leyanne Mansur, Diane Psilos, and Ann Reynolds, Sally Nystedt managed to escape by talking them all to death.

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Gormetian, Texas--The wealthy German baron, Hans Hezel, has just introduced wienerschnitzel and knockwurst in the Far West. Employed as cooks are Betty Denvir, Janice Kuhnert, Nancy Nelson, Laurie Saxon, and Gail Brunelle. Zorrinas, Wyoming--Juanita Bemarkt, Paula Carlson, Lois Payne, Terry Regina,heada@l by Phyllis Bailey, appeared today in the sheriff's office complaining about the disturbance caused by their co-workers, Fancy Nancy Goodman, Revelry Beverly Cohn and Louie Turnbull. Riding fast behind the committee was the rest of the patrol, Sally Bremner, Jean Burnett, Peg Lynch, and Cindy Rudek, with Go-Get-—'em Green at the head and Clop-along Clayton bringing up the rear.” Big Bend, Texas--George Mourey and Bob Shierman were recently arrested for ambushing writer Larry Sinclair. Sinclair had writ- ten an article exposing their smuggling of drybacks across the Rio Grande. Gold Dust, Arizona--Wild West Weisenberg, Cap Gun Kaplan, and Wendalong Johnson have gotten away with twenty bags of gold dust from the Granfield Loan Company. Dallas, Texas--Prominent socialite Marcia Cofsky tonight gave the glittering social event of the year--an exclusive quilting bee. Among the distinguished guests were Joan Bly, susan Brand, Sandra Tilden, Natalie Bongiorni, Bette Gorman, and Joan Ickrath. Valarie Smith, stunning in gray homespun, poured. Pisces, Mississippi--Gills Kelly recently accepted a chal- lenge from Mississippi champion floater Howard Winniman. lLife- guards on hand will be Betsy Lee and Anne Whittington. Bones, Arizona--The first Slenderella in the west, managed by Norma Trumble, will open one week from today. Those enrolled for her first class are: Carol Vaughan, Joan Davidson, Marcia Baribeau, and Delores McCullough. Pecunia, Wyoming--Elliot Stern, famous oil tycoon, has gone bankrupt trying to outbid competitor Brooks Fitch. Millionaire Fitch reportedly amassed his fortune through the sale of fire- water to the Indians. Feline, Texas--Joyce Champion, Janice Cowen, Millie Gorham, Margaret Fey, Linda Hosmer, and Estelle Kafantaris are competing for top honors in the Wild West Women's Rodeo. Featured event will be the Cat Contest, in which the contestants will trade in- sults. Walla Walla, Washington--Genevieve reall and Eleanor Spring, who went west to convert all the heathens of Chief Paul Bass' tribe, are running into strong opposition led by Judy Husband.

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Las Vegas--Notorious gambler Ed Radding today was surprised to learn that he had won Marlene Coren from casino owner Mike Ratner. Honeymoon Haven, Texas--A recent event out at the Brittain- Merrill ranch was a barn-raising. Attending were many couples of the vicinity, including the former Linda Dumas and Lorraine Denault with their husbands. Unfortunately, the party was slightly dampened when the barn mysteriously came crashing down. It was later discovered that Michael Spencer, James Baker, and James Coylethad been using the barn for an experiment with a new species of termite. Salt Lake City, Utah--Paul Serra was recently driven out of Salt Lake City because of his unorthodox views on marriage. Said Serra: Monogamy for me! Kansas City--Noted rabble-rouser, Yale Kablotsky, when in- terviewed by Kansas City Corn Crib columnist Rahel Gottschalk, announced that he would run for mayor on a prohibition platform. Kablotsky was later lynched by irate townspeople, led by Harry Elliot. Tijuana, Mexico--Barry Webster, Arthur Goyette and Marvin Kaye have been discovered shipoing Tequilla, disguised as barrels Ofesea.t pork, through the Santa Fey Trail. Receiving and dis-— tributing it in St. Louis were Marlene Mackler, Nancy Westerman, and Narleen Hisner. Houston, Texas-—-Richard Ouellette, Linda Burnham, Louise MeCabe, Bernice Conlon, and Maurice Tierney are allegedly plan- ning to start the west's first symphony orchestra here. A local resident, Jack Levin, whose guitar-playing would be threatened by such culture, is wearing both his guns around town these days. Kodak, Wyoming--Jim Coffey, the Matthew Brady of the west, meeselling pictures in De Soto. His models included Janice Barber, Phyllis Janik, Adrianne Perry, Elaine Podell, and Marlene Pellett. Death Valley--Joe Latta will open an El Rancho here soon. Employed will be Judy Olinstead as treasurer, and Linda Sherman and Eve Silberstein as head waitresses. Desperation, Texas--Tom Fratar, Wayne O'Leary, Harvey Perl- man, and George O'Brien, have finally struck it rich at the Last Chance mine. Ay-uh, knew it were there all the time, said Fratar, scratching his beard. Ambush, Wyoming--Sakalong Sakellis, Richard Have Gun Will Travel Levy, Shot-Gun Suith, Drop-'em Dragone, and Bring ‘em back Alive Crump have just stampeded a herd of Tech Tigers over eecli tt,