Chinook High School - Breeze Yearbook (Chinook, MT)

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14 THE CHINOOK BREEZE May, 1926 So rare! So beautiful! And to think of it in this hotel!” Group (crowding around him): What is it? What is it?” Percy: ‘‘It’s a rare specimen of hyptophebia. which belongs to the hydrocroatic family, a branch of the Agidisrailli. It is vulgarly known as the shell-backed cock-roach, which differs from its brother, the common cock-roach, in so much as--------' Montgomery: Oh, hold on. Save that for the Zoologcal Society.” (Party seats itself again.) Jesse B.: By the way. Brother Easbey. would you enlighten me as to the profession you are following?” Easbey (hesitatingly): Why—er—yes—I’m—a Medical Expert.” (Bellows of laughter from Jessie Mag ruder and Wm. McGregor). McGregor: “Medical Expert. Ha! Ha! (Laughs uproariously.) Yah, that’s good. We saw him selling Tanlac in one of the towns in which we played. Medical Expert---------” (Snorts). Easbey (jumping up and assuming professional air as he shows a bottle to the crowd): I claim no connection with the Tanlac people, and though that may be a medicine of value, 1 have here a little sample of Dr. Duck’s famous medicine guaranteed to cure within 90 days weak back, rheumatism, influenza, corns, cramps, colic, cholera, colds, coughs, cancers, cankers, ailments of the ear, kidneys, liver and lungs, weak mind (if taken in the right amounts), and last but not least, that insidious thing—halitosis. We guarantee it to cure the aforementioned diseases and ailments within 90 days if used in the proper amounts. But don’t take my word for it—read the label. We do not sell this medicine for our own personal profit, but rather for the benefit of mankind. It comes in three sizes, twenty-five cents, seventy-five cents and one dollar, but to introduce this famous cure into this group, I will offer you the seventy-five cent size at the price of sixtv-eight cents. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen: procure your guarantee to a rich. ripe, old age. while the bargain holds. Right this way and don’t crowd.” (Prepares to take immense orders and seems wounded and shocked when everyone seems to lose interest. Retires into silence for a while but finally rallies.) Leo Peterson: Red, you mentioned playing in the town where you saw Easbey. Do you mean to tell me that you. too, are a famous actor?” Red: With all due modesty, my devoted companion and wife and 1 may lay some claim to that title. We have been in various little towns, and were so successful that their most prominent citizen, the sheriff, escorted us out of town.” Mabel M.: Why, won’t you favor us with a selection?” Red: Certainly. Come, my dear.” (Takes Jessie M. by the hand and helps her up. Plays his accordion while Jessie dances a gypsy dance.) Brooks (in shocked tone): My! My! To me it seems that such an occupation, such a way of earning one’s bread, is an abomination arising to the heavens. Recently in a sermon which I preached in the Trinity church at Boston. I condemned such vulgar practices (becomes eloquent) and showed the congregation in my most forceful manner that this and similar things were obnoxious. 1 took for my text the eighteenth chapter---------” Julia (who has been talking in a low voice to Nettie): Now I differ with you. Cheese is by all means fattening. It has 1500 calories to the ounce, and that served with the meat sandwiches and wafers makes a very unbalanced lunch.” (Brooks backs off with wounded dignity.) Nettie: On the other hand, it seems to me that the lunch was well balanced and healthful.” Montgomery (aside): Listen to our dining room food expert.” Earl M.: In my experience as a director of phy-ical culture. 1 find that cheese is not fattening but builds up the muscles. (Standing and illustrating). The muscles of the chest and arms, important as they are to human health, find in cheese a food which develops them to their fullest extent.” Alice G.: Yes. my husband says it is a very healthful food and he insists upon eating several pieces before entering a basket ball game, and also demands that I include it in the children’s diet.” Montgomery (aside): She married a professional basket ball player and spends all her time taking care of his and the children’s health.” Earl: “Kate, you should tell us your opinion of the food value of cheese, for you, as a championship English Channel swimmer, must pay a great deal of attention to your diet.” Kate: Yes. I find that diet is very important and aided me in swimming the English Channel in record time, but a greater aid, 1 find, is music.” Easbey: “Yes. 1 read in the newspaper how you train to Toots Ruhr’s singing. I imagine the singing of the world’s priina donna would aid one in sswim-ming.” Jessie M.: Why, you don’t mean to say thai Toots is a prima donna! Come, Toots, sing us a song.” Toots: No, but I will play you one of my latest Victor records, very classical, so if you don’t understand it. that will account for it.” (Starts phonograph and plays last part of jazz record. At finish all clop.) Leonard C.: My! My! Such English, such English! It really shocks me to think that you should abuse your wonderful voice in repeating such words. Now I. as professor of English of Yale (spelling a specialty) believe that if such grammar is used on the stage, the standard of English used by the man on the street will be lowered beyond the point where it is now.” Brooks (who has noticed Leo and Emma flirting): I agree with you. Brother Cole, but I find that a greater detriment to society is the class of ‘movie’ which our brother Leo Peterson has recently produced. I can say naught of his ability as an actor but 1 must condemn his latest production and I must also condemn Sister Emma Guertzgen. beauty specialist. Brother Hollenberger, as governor of Montana. will you tell me what you are doing to better the movies in this state?”

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May. 1926 THE CHINOOK BREEZE 13 our best love and affection, and out of gratitude for the services they have rendered us, and as a recompense for the grey hairs and wrinkles acquired in the attempt to endow us with knowledge, we will use our influence with the School Board to obtain for them a fifteen per cent raise in salary. For our successors, the Class of 1927, we leave our dignity, good looks, and history outlines to be used by them for the development of the high school. We leave to our friends, the Sophomores, the chance to win the inter-class basketball championship for the season of 1927. We give the children in the primary grades the right and privilege to plaw on Bill Miniken’s lawn. We leave as an endowment to the school, ten dollars, the interest therefrom to be used for Prince Albert tobacco for all school board meetings. 'lo Huston Smith we give an incubator which will hatch chickens. To John ltebol we leave the necessary directions and equipment on “How to Get 1 hin.” We ask the executor of the estate to leave at the Clerk of Court’s office funds equivalent to the cost of two marriage licenses, which will be placed at the d.sposal of Miss Soule and Miss McNall to be used at their discretion. In view of the fact that there will be a total absence of fashion leaders w ith the graduation of this august class, we appoint our beioved sponsor. Mr. Peterson, the dictator of what the well dressed man should wear and give him full permission to wear his Oxford bags. We give Mr. Dick Boyington the right to use Bill Miniken’s power lawn mower for the school house lawn and do bequeath him a nickel plated Ingersoll watch to be used for the timing of the school bells. We leave the sum of three dollars to buy a subscription to “College Humor,” to be put in the school library, as we consider it a valuable reference magazine. and we believe it would promote a healthy interest in the school library. Mr. Easbey and Mr. Peg Kuhr. realizing the need of feminine intervention in the management of the school household, do leave their positions as assistant janitors and other membership cards for the Broom Pushers Union to Letha Runyan and Dorothy Kenyon. Earl Muri hy leaves his ath etic figure to Fat JIarbolt. “Red” McGregor leaves his famous laugh to Bob Patterson to be cultivated and trained for the amuse-l. ent of the High School in general. Frances Boyle gives her secret code to Evelyn Campbell to be used in all her love letters. Francis Easbey beq eaths his silver tongue and golden oratory to Donald Blackstone to be used in all extemp raneous speeches. Jesse Brooks leaves his E grade in hirto y to the basketball team to be used hy any member thereof in case of ineligibility due to flunking. Vera Murphy gives her ability to orate on probation to Greta Sands. D nald Montgomery leaves his appreciation of aesthetic dancing to Harold Groven. I eonard Cole leaves his athletic grace to Albert Ilollenberger. Peggy Kuhr leaves his extra supply of noise and humor to William Nesslar to be used to enliven the routine of school life. Anna Holst bequeaths all her difficulties, grey hairs, and new swear words to the w orthy editor of “The Breeze” for 1927. Alice Groven bequeaths her loose-running tongue and her extra pow der and rouge to Orpha Gesell. The residue of our estate, w hich has not heretofore been appointed out. we leave to the student activity fund, to be used for the expressed purpose of buying new bloomers for the girls’ basketball team. We hereunto set hand and seal to this our last Will and Testament this twenty-third day of May in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and tw enty-six. Signed and sealed by the Senior Class of 1926. Clarence Harrow , attorney for the aforesaid. Witnesses—Lee Cum, Mussolini. Robert Julian. Class Prophecy Scene: Class Reunion, 1946. Time: 5:00 P. M. Place: Palm Room of new Hotel Statler. Chinook. Discovered: Entire class of 1926 seated around room in various attitudes of indolence. Teacups and wafers in evidence. Table at one corner holding teapot. extra cup and saucer. As curtain comes up. there is a general buzz of conversation, everyone talking to his neighbor. Enter Edward Kuhr in goofy cast-off costume, carrying in one hand a tooth-brush, in the other a mirror, brushing teeth and examining them in mirror, by turns, looking w ild and asking himself the question “Am I getting it? Am I getting it?” Entire group observe him in silence as he goes across back of stage and disappears. Easbey sends Watkins after him. Watkins, upon reaching the door, discovers new specimen and proceeds to examine it. forgetting ail about Edward. Easbey: “Red, go get Peg. What’s the matter w ith that man, anyway?” Montgomery: “Oh. you’ll have to excuse him. You see. Percy is what they call a bugologist. coleop-tera a specialty. He recently spent first years in Asia, looking for a ten-toed ant, and he has been queer ever since. His bo k on ’The Feeding Habits of the Scaraoptogist’ is considered a rare scientific-work.” Francis B.: “Why, he’s almost as bad as Peggy.” Alice G.: Peggy? What ails him?” Frances B.: Oh. haven’t you heard? He read so many advertisements on only one out of five being immune from pyhorrea that it has gone to his head, poor fellow, and he spends most of his time in the insane asylum, brushing his teeth to present the inevitable disease.” (Sighs). (Red enters w ith Peggy, who takes cup of tea and nabisco. sits down, and alternately takes bite of nabisco and brushes teeth.) Percy W.: “A pin! A pin! Quick, before a valuable specimen is lost to science due to your negligence! Oh. why didn’t I bring my specimen book?

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May, 1926 THE CHINOOK BREEZE 15 Henry H.: “I recently expressed my views on the subject in a speech before the citizens of Butte. I declared that the movies were an obnoxious factor and that------” Montgomery: “Hold on. Hank, you can't pull any wool over my eyes. As if I didn’t know' of that three months you spent in Hollywood before you were elected governor. You may condemn the movies, but you don’t condemn the actresses. (General laugh, during which Vera Murphy enters with eyes upraised piously). Red: “Well, well, well. If here isn’t my old girl. Now--------” Vera (raising hand for silence): “Please. William. I beg of you. remind me not of the days I wasted in worldly enjoyments.” Easbey (aside to Montgomery): “Who is that?” Montgomery: “Why, that Vera Murphy. She w'as disappointed in love and became a religious fanatic.” (Vera piously seats herself, piously drinks tea and nibbles wafer). Mabel M.: “Anna, you don’t look like you were disappointed in love.” Anna H.: “Oh! Looks are sometimes deceiving, my dear.” (Sighs and wipes tear from eye). Alice: “Lest you labor under a delusion, my friends, I may as well tell you that Anna is a grass widow twice over, but she has a large alimony. Now, Mabel, tell us about yourself.” Mabel: “You may have all noticed that I have ‘picked up’ since you last saw me. (All agree upon looking at her enormous size). I used to be so thin I wouldn’t drink pink lemonade for fear someone would take me for a thermometer. Well, I own a large beet and hay farm, and the life agrees with me wonderfully. Why, I even load my own cattle into the box-cars.” Easbey: “By the way. Montgomery, as you are Chief of Police in Chinook. I find it my duty to w'arn you of a certain member of our party. He follows a shady occupation.” Montgomery (excited): “A shady occupation? Who could that be?” Easbey: “Fred Wallner. He works in the Forest Reserve.” (S meone enters with telegram and gives it to Frances Boyle, who reads it. emits one long screech, and sinks into a dead faint. Easbey grabs her, rams bottle into her mouth. She takes a couple of swallows and revives with a start). Easbey: “There, by George, that proves the value of my medicine.” Frances B. (gasping): “Oh! My cat! My cat! What will I do?” Everyone: “What the matter? What’s the matter?” Frances B. (weeping): “King Tut, my world’s champion Maltese cat. is at the point of death. What shall I do?” (Relaxes, sobbing). Easbey: “Calm yourself, dear friend. Poor girl, you see she’s the owner of a cat and canary conservatory. and her whole heart is so wrapped up in her work that the illness of this cat was a terrible shock. (Holding bottle on high). “But with a portion of this liquid which so recently revived you. my dear friend, I’m sure that your cat w'ill recover his health. And if you are wise, you will purchase a supply to ward off such emergencies, for this powerful cure is valuable not only to humans but to animals.” (Frances regains hope, but is still weak. Revives slowly). Nettie: Say, thinking about old times, that class day program we had was a lot of fun. What say we see if we can go through it again just as we did then? Easbey, can you remember the order?” Easbey: “Sure. Let’s see, there was the will—” BRIGHT SAYINGS OF SENIORS Leo: “Let me rise to remark that the greatest of all horticultural feats is not yet accomplished—the grafting of Weed chains on banana skins.” Alice G.: “Can a leopard change his spots?” Francis B.: “Of course, silly—when he gets tired of one he moves to another.” Red: Waiter, are you sure this bun was cured?” Walter: “Yes, sir.” Red: “Then it’s had a relapse.” Frances B.: “You brute! Where did you kick that cat?” Peggie: “Ah. thereby hangs the tail.” Percy: “Fine car you have here, Leo. What’s the most you’ve got out of it?” Leo: “Nine times in a block.” Vera: What’s an usher?” Peggie: The guy who takes a leading part at the theatre.” Earl M.: “What’s a pessimist?” Percy: “A man who won’t milk a cow because he is afraid the milk is already sour.” Donald M. (in physics): “Jesse, what did Archimedes say when he got into the tub?” Jesse: “Eureka.” Don.: No—‘No soap!’ ” Loretta K.: I used to think— Kate: What made you stop?” Loretta K. (English 12 class): “Milton was so fond of his wife that after she left him he wrote ‘Paradise Lost.’ ” Miss Ingersoll (in Eng. Lit.): “What did Wordsworth write?” Loretta: “Imitations of Immorality.” Miss Ingersoll: “Sir Walter Scott was a cripple, w’as he not, Jessie?” Jessie M.: “He was lame.”