Cherry Hill High School East - Eidolon Yearbook (Cherry Hill, NJ)

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RANKING SCHOLARS ranking scholar n. (rangk’ing skol’ar), 1. students ranking in the top 1% of the class, based on academic merit 2. persons subliminally coerced into losing sleep, doing excessive amounts of homework, reading constantly and making it all look easy. Paul Kleidermacher Anthony Miscioscia Vinay Desai Shanah Glick

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Dating continues throughout high school until» at a prearranged time, young humans participate in a sort of ultimate date called the Senior Prom.” The importance of the Prom to dating humans can hardly be overstated, and the preparations occupy much of their time and attention. First a committee is appointed whose responsi- bility it is to find a hotel or banquet hall that — for some odd and unknown reason — willingly consents to being descended upon by 1000 humans and 2000 flash bulbs at a specified time in the future. Once this task is completed, the committee sets its mind to selecting a theme for the evening. They look for something elegant and appropriate, something that captures the essence of the evening as humans say. After the committee finally decides on a theme — say Sparkling Toxic Wastes” — they search for a theme song which, inevitably, nobody dressed in the Ritual Prom Costume can dance to. (See paragraph 3) The Prom committee’s work is now finished and the dating hu- mans' work begins. A dating human has two basic jobs: finding the perfect date and renting the perfect car. Most humans start plan- ning for their Prom in freshman year, scouting for possible dates at odd moments during the day. When The Year” actually arrives, the search is intensified. Lists are made and updated every week. All humans dream of going to the Prom with some- one who rates as Perfect Date” on their list, but plans are always made for the emergency situation. They have several possibilities for “Acceptable but Failing to Make an Impression on Friends Date” and then, there is the Desperation Date.” But perhaps even a worse fate than going to the Prom with a Desperation Date is arriving in the wrong car. Hav- ing Mom drive the young couple to the front door of the restaurant in the family station wagon with the Great Adventure bumper sticker on the dented rear fender is a definite taboo. In such a case, the young couple is dropped off around the corner. They non- chalantly tell their friends that the limo was too big to fit in the driveway. The humans, of course, must dress differently for the Prom than for normal dates. Their elaborate ceremo- nial costumes are rather expensive. Therefore, it is at this time of the year that the young human becomes very friendly with the parent or, if desperate, the local bank loan officer or loan shark. Usually though, the parents are overjoyed at the occasion and take the loan out themselves. (See paragraph 1 for cross reference) Finally the big night arrives. The young couple sets out as their parents and neighbors (but never their loan sharks) wave them off from the curb. First there is the dinner where all the humans order Boneless Chicken Breast Stuffed with Asparagus. During din- ner, the humans pretend to be engrossed in com- menting on the chicken breast to hide their surrepti- tious glances around the room to see if anyone has outdone them in either costume or date. Occasional- ly, there is some spontaneous dancing, but generally, once satisfied that the evening has not been marred by scandal, everyone is photographed and goes home. Or so the young humans tell their parents when leaving the house looking so crisp and wholesome at 7:30. Actually, the young humans will head directly to the shore. Those unfortunate souls not lucky enough to have a friend with a beachfront house migrate to the closest outdoor water fountain or sep- tic tank and, as far as we can tell, they never know the difference.

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Lori Bassman Jeff Wallack Caren Freeman 73