Chatsworth High School - Tale Feathers Yearbook (Chatsworth, IL)

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I, Richard Nickrent, do will and bequeath unto David McKinley my fervent love for the Republican Party and my strong dislike for political arguments. I, Rita Freehill, do will and bequeath unto Kay Sargeant my round-about way of insulting people, my squeaky voice, and my shoes with four-inch heels. I, Darlene Patton, do will and bequeath unto Barbara Runyon my graceful form on the dance floor and my job of teaching the beys to dance in the English room. I, Roger Collins, do will and bequeath unto Delmar Hoelscher my black book which contains the information I collect on my party line. I, Mary Ann Mauritzen, do will and bequeath unto John Franey my canceled life insurance policy because of my job with Joey Chitwood's daredevil drivers. I, Leroy Homstein, do will and bequeath unto Fern Branz my ability to cut down the wear on the tires of my truck by taking all corners on two wheels. I, Sharon Johnston, do will and bequeath unto Marilyn Gillett my quiet disposition and my ability to make as much noise as I can while tip-toeing through the assembly. I, Bob Whittenbarger, do will and bequeath unto Shirley Lang my deep bass voice and knack for trying to make a federal case” out of everything. Signed, sealed, published, and declared as and for our last will and testament by the distinguished members of the Class of 1954, the unnamed testators, in the presence of us, who, at our request and in the presence of nobody (not even of each other), have omitted our names hereto as absent witnesses on this the seventh day of January in the year nineteen hundred and fifty-four. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is RICHARD NICKRENT broadcasting to you from the 1984 World's Fair in the great city of Charlotte, the second biggest city in the world. Stay tuned to this station because I am going to interview some very interesting and famous people. Before we start the interview, we shall hear Miss RITA FREEHILL, the opera star famous for her starring roll in the opera, Dragnet, sing our National Anthem. Miss Freehill will be accompanied by DONNA FORNEY on the new atomic calliope. And now, folks, we'll get on with the show. I want you to meet DON SNOW, who has just finished his football playing career with the Chicago Bears and now is coach of the same team. During this thirty-year playing career, he averaged 37, 345 yards rushing per year. But, the poor old boy still has his troubles. His school-day

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Will We, the hep-kat klass of '54, being of unsound minds and bodies and being strictly off the beam, out of the groove, and unhep to the jive, do will and bequeath unto the following squares in this kool form and real george manner: DIG THIS CRA-AZY WILL I, Mary Ann Mauritzen, do will and bequeath unto Mary Jane McGreal my eight cylinder hot rod and my invitation to drive in the Indianapolis 500. I, Don Snow, do will and bequeath unto Ivan Diller my ability to run the 100” in ten seconds flat and my graceful form on the football field. L Jerome Haberkorn, do will and bequeath unto Don Hummel my constant practice of complimenting the girls and my wavy hair. I, John Roger Collins, do will and bequeath unto Richard Saltzman my ability to express myself in as few words as possible. I, Richard Sargeant, do will and bequeath unto Albert Stow my role as Chatsworth High School's Clark Gable and my charm which fascinates a certain freshman girl. 1, Sharon Johnston, do will and bequeath unto Doris Snow my booming voice and my ability to be heard from the back of the English and History rooms. I, Elaine Hubly, do will and bequeath unto Pat Kerber my freckles, my favorite expression Hey, and my ability to flirt with all males. I, Jim Wilson, do will and bequeath unto Jack Miller my witty remarks and my love for English. 1, Ellen Cavanagh, do will and bequeath unto Joan Hubly my veracity and my disturbing silence. I, Carol Martin, do will and bequeath unto John Bennett my quiet reserved voice and my excellent taste in grooming. I, Donna Forney, do will and bequeath unto Verniel Dehm my 98 as an inferior replacement for his streamlined Model T. I, Betty Ashman, Do Will and Bequeath unto Don Wilson my measly 99.9 average and my closet full of encyclopedias. L Bob Whittenbarger, do will and bequeath unto Art Cording my diminutive 220 pounds and my grumpy disposition.

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sweetheart, DONNA FORNEY, will not marry him. Her reason for not marrying him is this: During one of his many 99 yard touchdown runs, she says that he winked at another girl in the stands. Don denies this. He says he was running along the sidelines when he spotted an old schoolmate. It was a big Navy he-man named JEROME HABERKORN who claims he is the best tobacco spitter in the world. He boasts he can hit anybody in the eye with a squirt of tobacco juice at forty paces. Donna would not believe this story though, because she read in an encyclopedia that a squirt of tobacco in the eye is blinding. Except for these little arguments they are still a happy couple, and we expect they'll still be going together for another twenty or twenty-five years. We now see LEROY FRED HORNSTEIN, the president of the El Stinkco Cigar Company. Fred is the man who got his start as a tobacco man at Chatsworth High School. He takes out a king-size cigar, the two foot size, and lights it with a hundred dollar bill. He gives dollar bills to the people around him as he makes his way back to his V-12 Super-Deluxe Ford in which his chauffeur awaits. Next I see SHARON JOHNSTON, the big game hunter from the thriving city of Chatsworth. Sharon spends much of her time hunting giant animals. She has been known to have been hunting rabbits north of Chatsworth at three o'clock in the morning. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I see the chief engineer on the rocketship to Mars, ROBERT WHITTENBARGER, who although having gone to Mars twice and to the moon fifteen times, is still fresh as a daisy and wants to go back again. The last time he went to Mars, his fellow shipmen didn't think they would get back because he fell out of the space ship, developed amnesia, and forgot how to operate the ship. However, one of the men clubbed him over the head and brought him right out of it. Now over Here are two of the nation’s top nurses who are displaying some of the latest developments in medical science, but let's hear from them. I'm ELLEN CAVANAGH, and this is MARY ANN MAURITZEN. We have many vaccines ana medicines that would take too long to explain. We also have a salve that will completely heal a wound within twenty-four hours after it is applied, and a leg cast that will permit you to bend your knee and walk on your broken leg. As I'm walking by the displays and advertisements, I see a sign announcing the highlight of tonight's performance, ELAINE HUBLY, the all-time women's sports figure of the world. At tonight's performance, she will demonstrate her world-renowned skating ability. She excels in both roller skating and ice skating. She also has hobbies which include bowling—her average is around 600—ping-pong, or any other game connected with sports. Miss Hubly is also a very sharp card player. She'll play any game you can name, especially poker and dirty spades. And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce ROGER COLLINS, the famous orator and Congressman who holds the world's record of filibustering in Congress for thirteen days. He will tell us in a few words or a few million what he thinks of the World's Fair. Another famous person I see here today is DARLENE PATTON, the dancing instructor who has claimed to be a descendant of Arthur Murray and has taught such famous people as the grandchildren of Fred Astaire and Marge and Gower Champion. She also sends correspondence courses to the People of Mars. (Continued on Page 46)