Central Washington University - Hyakem / Kooltuo Yearbook (Ellensburg, WA)

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Hearing that you desire a thoroughly competent person at the head of your department of Domestic Science, I am confident that I am just the person you must have. For besides this Science being a gift bestowed upon me by Nature, I have spent years in attaining the highest degree of excellence, thinking naught of time and money. I have performed many dan¬ gerous and difficult experiments. I he outcome of one of my wonderful experiments is a receipt for kisses for which I have been offered $100,000 and I can make a light feathery egg omelet without burning it. I have a charming personality and a hopeful disposition. Hope Coy To all whom it may concern: I. the undersigned, have been spending many years in vigorous study and much research work on that exceedingly delightful and interesting subject, mathematics. At last I feel called upon to impart this superabundance (?) of knowledge to others. So. hearing that you are about to open the Twentieth Century Model School and need a Head of the Department of History of Mathematics, I am sure it is my duty to apply. Of course, references will be uncalled for when I tell you that I have attended the Morgan School of Mathematics for many years. If time, assidious study, and repeated effort be the only requisites for this worthy office I am confident of fulfilling the necessary qualifications. Edith B. Taylor To those who contemplate Great Things: Colemans Canon, Jan. 32, 1908. It gives me great pleasure to say that I will consider the position of Dictator of Fashions in your new ideal institution. I make a specialty of all fads and approve of a distinct and grotesque costume for each member of its faculty. It is my latest idea, after studying fads and faddists both here and at Muckilteo. that each individual should be so garbed as to be easily recognized at a mile s distance, this is the acme of jauntiness. For reception garb of gentle¬ men, for the coming season, I approve of light gray suits reaching to the boot tops, conven¬ tional white shirts generously decorated with black polka dots, red neckties and large rose sprays for buttoniere. Yours for dead swell style and conspicuity, Gertrude Cunningham, F. D. ( Fashion Devotee), D. D. (Director of Designs) I am glad to have you realize the all important position that sports play in the ideal school life. I know that I am thoroughly competent to take full and unlimited charge of that work in your school. I have had years of special training in parlor stunts and Indian war dances. I am a graduate of the Dreamland Roller Skating University and of the Wilcox School of I ennis. After graduating with the highest honors from the Grupc Equestrian School, I took a fellowship there, where I specialized in the art of leaping from flying steeds without injuring either rider or steed. Norma MACDONALD, R. S. D., E. D. 29

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My reputation as an artist is world renowned and you cannot afford to be without me. My talent has received the most careful instruction, and through my studies abroad I have gaine popularity as a landscape painter. A critic once said of one of my productions, that just missed being a work of art.” Another time some one remarked, I wouldn ' t give a straw foj that house.” Obediently yours, Enaj I. Dier Fancy steps and rhy thmical motions of the body a specialty. I was the star per forme in gymnasium calisthenics, drills, Faust waltz. Brownie polka, and minuets in the Thomas Scho of Poise and Atmosphere. After graduating from this school I went abroad and dancei the native dances in the courts of the leading countries of Europe. I can insure good results to any one, whosoever, that is able to walk with the toes turned in. Joanna Bishop, Dr. of Dancing In applying for a position as instructor in geology I deem it wise to give you a brie description of myself. My hair is like that of Pelee. My mouth like the crater of Kalauea while my language is like the lava flowing from it. My nose towers high in cold white sub limely like the crags of Mt. Stuart and my eyes have the brilliancy and tranquility of the mir ror lakes of California. My disposition is as smooth and rippling as a torrent mountai stream, while my knowledge of geology is as broad and productive as the desert of Sahara. Yours truly Margaret Slater I am a graduate of the Romantic School of Astronomy. Star gazing is my specialty and from my intense study of the inspiring constellations I have grown to be like them. My beauty, as you can see from my picture, is as that of Venus. I am as stately as Virgo, as fas¬ cinating as Saturn, my eyes sparkle like the gems in the Southern Cross. Of course. I prefer a class of one, and while giving my lesson I sit in the chair of Cassiopeia, and the soft swee music played upon the golden harp strings of Lyra lends a great enchantment. Loretta Salladay

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Having made special study of the value of concentrated foods, I apply for the positioi of 1 lead of the Pure Food Laboratory. From tests I have made with Malted Milk” (myl self being the subject in every instance) I am led to believe that it is the coming food for per- sons of all ages. I believe that enough can be produced in the laboratory in one day to promote the health and digestion of one hundred pupils. K. Lancridce 1 P. S. Malted Milk will induce a heavy growth of hair. . Grow tall! Why be short? I can increase the height of either sex from two to five inches. Scientists and physicians have been trying for years to find some method of increasing height, but have failed. As wish to introduce my wonderful discovery, I offer my services as Assistant Physical Trainer foi one year free of charge. My height is 63 inches. Bertha Ketner | I have a world w r idc reputation as skilled instructor of penmanship, having taught in all of the leading schools of the nation. I am prepared to teach any system of writing ini any language. I guarantee to any student, regardless of inefficiency in this line of work, abil- ity to write in a legible hand at the rate of one hundred and fifty words per minute, and per feet freedom in the use of all the latest flourishes of which I make a specialty. My signature alone furnishes sufficient evidence of my remarkable talent in my line of work. P I understand that your most excellent school is in need of a competent instructor to occupy the chair of mathematics and for this reason send in my application. I have established a record in mathematics that is hard to compute, but I have accomplished that also. I make a specialty of the Dry Measure in arithmetic. 8 qts. — 1 peck. 4 pecks — 1 bushel, and explain it thus: I am a peck, my two brothers, my sisters and myself each being a peck, together make a busheL (Signed) Myrtle E. Peck jo