Central Manual Training High School - Record Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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Reeking oratory from the back of a large wagon, and as usual talking a lot but saying little, was Billy Alkus, who was running for the job of constable. On one side surrounded by a large crowd, I saw Al. Hoover, who was selling live gold rings, seven packages of writing paper and seventy cents worth of pens, pencils and penholders for the trifling sum of twenty-five cents. Dodging Al., I ran into R. Kelly and Fuller, who stood before the music pavilion crying, h'yar, get your violets, violets, ten cents a bunch. Across the road I saw Stiles and Snowden, hiring out ponies to children. They received their early education in ponies down at school, so I guess they made good. Escaping from this pair, I was run into and knocked down by a man who was hurrying by with a child on one arm and his coat upon the other. I looked up and recognized Dub Moore. Peeping into a tent where a lecture on woman suffrage was being given by Miss Herr, I saw Pickleweight Grandage and Always was a Dub Shetzman, each surrounded by seven or eight chil- dren. The leading men of the circus were Adams and Emory. When I last saw them they were leading the horses to the drinking trough. In the courtyard were two swarthy looking individuals, who were operating fwith the aid of a pea and several walnut shellsj what the simple and unsophisticated might call a game of chance. The proprietors of this shell game were Anthony Capriotti and Spencer Gowdy. Among their victims was Bill Crawford, the town sheriff. Strutting around a.nd making eyes at the girls I saw I-Iannam, Steutz and Singley, policemen. In tlie menagerie I saw Ziegler the 310,000 beautyg he now had to use paint and powder to keep up to his former reputation. I also ran across George Lafferty, the human refrigerator, who ate from morn until eve without a stop. I was attracted by a barker, crying before the animal tent-Here you are, ladies and gents, only a quarter to see the hippopotamus 5 hippo means money and potto means lots, and some more gab 84 I i ,iwwlumwllllilllil

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K. .I vi, When I came to, I found myself on the outskirts of a country town called Ex-Sayre's Ville. Howeverything had changed-airships were to be seen everywhere, and judging from the signs on some, which read, Pay as you enter, Leave your family at home and Only Eve-cent fares, I judged that the P. R. T. was still running everything. My guide informed me that my ambition had been realized, that 1 was now in 1929. He offered the following explanation: The machine in which we had traveled was capable of attaining an inlinite velocity, and that upon leaving the laboratory we had traveled toward the East, that is, toward the sun, and con- sequently the days became as many times four minutes less to us as we crossed degrees in that direction. Now since there are three hundred and sixty degrees to the earth's circumference, these three hundred and sixty degrees, multiplied by four minutes give exactly one day unconsciously gained for every trip around the earth. My companion then told me that we had traveled around the earth, a sufficient number of times to gain abnut seventy-three hundred days, which brought us twenty years ahead, or into 1929. About one-half mile distant I saw many white tents, and surmised that a circus was in town. This, at least, had not changed. My attention was first attracted by an old familiar voice crying- l'l'yar, h'yar, git yer ice cold lemo, lemo, ice cold lemo, only live cents a nickel, a half dime, the twentieth part of a dollar. Upon close inspection I discovered the speaker to be Ruddy Goehring. alternating with Grass and Hager. Above all I heard the voice of a political demagogue who proved to be W. K. Smith. Back in Central, he ran for every office open, and never succeeded in getting one, so I guess he's running yet. Bryan, I learned, was Mayor of the town, being elected because he had followed a certain illustrious example and slept all day. 83

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which I could not understand. As he stopped I was surprised to see Henszey, but his partner, whom I recognized as George Campuzano, continued-don't turn away, young man, you feller with the green necktie, we all see that the young lady on your arm is a-dyin' fer to see the hippo, faint hearts never won a wimmin,-there you are, sir,-go-and be happy. Among those taken in by this combination were Lawson, Judah and Leslie. Here also, I saw Wiesen, Ellershaw and Wells, the living skeletons. The trio had to sit in one chair, so as to cast a shadow and present a side view. I heard that originally there were four of these things, but P. Kelly, the fourth, while bathing, had neglected to insert the stopper and had slipped through the drain pipe. He was rescued by plumbers Perry and Pommer. Walking along Main Street, I came across Magee's Beer Garden. Here Shimp and Ryder were waiters, Swing was moving picture man Che secured tha.t position by moving in the class pic- turej, Olden played the piano and Philip Rosenfeld manipulated the violin and its agitator, while Sacks and Moses executed popular songs. ' I passed a grocery store kept by janowski and Jahu, and a moving picture parlor kept by McKee and McClellan, here I heard Sparks and Rambo in a musical duet. But when McPherson came on and related some of the jokes published in the Red and Black of 1909, I could stand it no longer, and left. . I saw Atherholt, captain of a salvation army corps 3 also Saunders and Waters, who had recently been baptized. As my companion was a member of the immaterial world, he had access to all the unseen king- doms, and he took me for a trip to heaven. Peeping in through the keyhole, I saw George Washington and Howard Bollinger. In the purgatory I saw Krewson, Wyllner, Birney and McKnightg from the troubled looks on their faces, I surmised that the doors to heaven would not be opened for a long time to come. We then took a trip to The Other Place. On the road I saw Louis Zislin and Goldenberg. who were refused admittance to heaven, and even the devil himself, was afraid to allow them to enter, for fear they would own the place in a month. 85